Things Have Changed For Me
My daddy. Last night my daddy tucked me in, when he went to leave I pulled him down next to me because I didn’t want him to leave. Then I lay on top of him, my head on his chest, I listened to his heart beat until I fell asleep. My daddy is as warm as I lay against him. He is the best daddy in the WHOLE wide world. And I love, love, love him more then anything, and anyone. We lay like that all night and I fell asleep, and I dreamt that I was in the Amazon River and there are piranhas. The piranhas don’t eat me because they wanted to be my friend, they told me. I think that’s just great because now I have so many friends, I don’t even know what to do with all of them! I love making new friends, I love it! I have lots of friends in my first grade class, I can’t wait till my birthday where all of them will come over, and we’ll have lots of fun! Daddy will have all our games out, I’ll put the music channel on- the good music that daddy and I listen to together, we’ll have cake out, and oh! Presents!! I love getting lots and lots of presents.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake up sweating, because it’s ninety degrees again. Man what a dream, well actually it wasn’t really a dream because that was when I was five. That was the worst birthday ever, because when we were all sleeping in our sleeping bags that night, I wet my sleeping bag. In the morning, everyone left. They called me ‘the bed wetter’ all through elementary school. God, I hated that place. And after elementary school, was High School, and if I thought elementary school was hell, I didn’t have anything to say about High School. High School was the worst years of my life. I was the socially awkward outcast, just like elementary school. Spencer Smith, my ex-best friend, the one I shared ALL my deepest secrets with, and then after what happened on my fifth birthday party, he threw me out of his friends circle. He left me to the vultures. Just said, in front of the whole cafeteria, things just weren’t working out between us. And maybe we shouldn’t be friends anymore. I didn’t ask why, I knew why. Everyone in the whole damn cafeteria knew why. After Spencer Smith ‘dumped me’ no one ever talked to me in school. Now, High School was over, and it was just me and the world and no one else. I and Spencer Smith are best friends forever now, again. It only took him 11 years to be friends with me again. After, all that time though nothing had changed for me. Well, actually that’s probably the biggest lie I have ever told. Everything changed for me. I live with Spencer Smith now, in a two bedroom apartment. Truthfully, it’s a pretty big apartment. I think the kitchen is probably bigger then Jon Walker’s old apartment. That was before he came to live with us. And he shares a room with Spencer. And they fuck, A lot. I can hear them very clearly. Way too clearly. They should really be more considerate as they know my room is right next to theirs. And I don’t need anymore emotional damage, and then I already have. My childhood of shattered dreams, my life full of empty promises. The next day I go to answer the door, and Brendon Urie is standing there. And, I didn’t see that coming, like at all. He needs a place to live. He’s got a small suitcase next to him and nothing else. He’s got those glasses on, too, the ones with the red frames that I’ve always swooned over. Of course, he doesn’t know that. I haven’t seen him since High School. You know what else he doesn’t know? I missed him, so much but, more then that, I love him. Really love him. I would do anything for him, and right now my heart is beating so hard, that I bet the whole city can hear it. I say that’s fine. He can stay here if he wants. Oh my God Brendon in my apartment. This could likely be the legit best thing that’s ever happened to me. It is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
“You can stay in my room, or on the couch it doesn’t really matter to me.”
“Um, I guess I’ll stay in your room, if that’s OK with you.”
Of course it’s Ok, it’s more then Ok.
“Cool, come in.”
“Thanks.”
I show him my room, and then go out in my living room to where Jon and Spencer are sitting on the couch, to let him unpack in peace. They are sitting next to each other, but Spencer is practically on Jon’s lap and I can tell there this close to making out. I flop myself down on Spencer’s lap and he gives me his bitch face for about five seconds, before he pushes me of the couch.
“Hey,” Brendon says.
I give Spencer a look that says I was trying to tell you, but someone had to push me off the couch! He just rolls his eyes at me.
“Hey Urie, it’s been awhile. How are you doing?”
“Good, you?”
“Pretty good.”
Brendon just nods at that. Jon looks at him with a lazy, relaxed smile on his face (he always seems to have that face.)
“Hey. I missed you Bren. Where were you all this time?”
“Um, I was around.”
Jon raises an eyebrow accusingly, but says nothing more. Brendon looks pretty embarrassed.
“So, guys why don’t we all go in the kitchen, and I’ll make lunch.”
Brendon looks relived, and gives me a small smile. I give him one right back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day I drag Brendon along with me to go shopping, because really he needs a way bigger wardrobe. We end up shopping in all his, and occasionally, my favorite stores. By lunchtime we have at least ten bags full of clothes, and shoes in the bag of my car, and we walk to the ice cream shop in the shopping center.
“Hi, can I have a chocolate sundae with hot fudge, whipped cream, chopped nuts, and a cherry on top, please. Oh and two scoops!”
My mouth is practically hanging open, because damn he is a fucking child. But, in a weird way I think it’s adorable. The waitress looks at me.
“Um, I guess I’ll have the same.” I say to astounded to even look at the menu. After, Brendon and I finish our sundaes -the best sundae I’ve ever had in my life, may I add- we go back outside.
“Hey let’s go back to my car, I want to take you somewhere.”
“OK.”
I tell Brendon to keep his eyes closed on the way there, and by the time we get there he’s so excited; he’s jumping out of his seat. I lead him inside, and say he can open his eyes. And now it’s his turn to have his mouth hanging open, because I took him to the piano store. I know he loves the piano more then anything, pretty much. He goes around and takes at least half an hour looking, touching, and playing just about every fucking piano in the store. When he’s all done looking he comes bounding back to me like a lost puppy again.
“Did you pick one you like?”
“Um,” He leads me over to a sleek, beautiful one. The color of it is a really vibrant shade of red, which is my favorite color. It really is spectacular, and it makes me want to sit and start playing it, it’s that wonderful. I look at the price tag, which isn’t too bad. He looks sad.
“Its way to expensive though.”
I shrug. I walk over to the man standing at the counter.
“May I help you sir?”
“Yes, I’ll take that one,” I say pointing to the piano Brendon’s standing at.
“Alright, we’ll ship that to your house then.”
“Apartment,” I say pulling at my wallet, and I get out my American Express card. He rings up the price, and I also by Brendon some other extra things that will help him take care of the piano. He’s still in shock, even as I’m paying for it. I write down my address, and the man says it should get there in 2-3 business days. I nod.
“Thank you sir, have a nice day.” The man says with a smile on his face.
“Your welcome. Come on Brendon.”
Brendon follows me out to the car. As soon as we get in the car he looks over at me.
“Thank you isn’t enough. I just - thank you, thank you, Ryan. For everything.”
“It’s fine Brendon. It’s not a big deal or anything.”
Brendon looks at the backseat of the car.
“Spending that much money on someone in one day is a big deal Ryan.”
“Well, if you want me to take some of it back…”
“What, no! No I just-”
“Well, then don’t worry about it. Besides, I got some things to.”
“OK. Fine. But really thank you so much.”
I look over at him and smile. I know he never really had a lot of money after his parent’s kicked him out, so I know this is a big deal for him. Even though it’s hardly a dent in my funds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wake up sweating, because it’s ninety degrees again. Man what a dream, well actually it wasn’t really a dream because that was when I was five. That was the worst birthday ever, because when we were all sleeping in our sleeping bags that night, I wet my sleeping bag. In the morning, everyone left. They called me ‘the bed wetter’ all through elementary school. God, I hated that place. And after elementary school, was High School, and if I thought elementary school was hell, I didn’t have anything to say about High School. High School was the worst years of my life. I was the socially awkward outcast, just like elementary school. Spencer Smith, my ex-best friend, the one I shared ALL my deepest secrets with, and then after what happened on my fifth birthday party, he threw me out of his friends circle. He left me to the vultures. Just said, in front of the whole cafeteria, things just weren’t working out between us. And maybe we shouldn’t be friends anymore. I didn’t ask why, I knew why. Everyone in the whole damn cafeteria knew why. After Spencer Smith ‘dumped me’ no one ever talked to me in school. Now, High School was over, and it was just me and the world and no one else. I and Spencer Smith are best friends forever now, again. It only took him 11 years to be friends with me again. After, all that time though nothing had changed for me. Well, actually that’s probably the biggest lie I have ever told. Everything changed for me. I live with Spencer Smith now, in a two bedroom apartment. Truthfully, it’s a pretty big apartment. I think the kitchen is probably bigger then Jon Walker’s old apartment. That was before he came to live with us. And he shares a room with Spencer. And they fuck, A lot. I can hear them very clearly. Way too clearly. They should really be more considerate as they know my room is right next to theirs. And I don’t need anymore emotional damage, and then I already have. My childhood of shattered dreams, my life full of empty promises. The next day I go to answer the door, and Brendon Urie is standing there. And, I didn’t see that coming, like at all. He needs a place to live. He’s got a small suitcase next to him and nothing else. He’s got those glasses on, too, the ones with the red frames that I’ve always swooned over. Of course, he doesn’t know that. I haven’t seen him since High School. You know what else he doesn’t know? I missed him, so much but, more then that, I love him. Really love him. I would do anything for him, and right now my heart is beating so hard, that I bet the whole city can hear it. I say that’s fine. He can stay here if he wants. Oh my God Brendon in my apartment. This could likely be the legit best thing that’s ever happened to me. It is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
“You can stay in my room, or on the couch it doesn’t really matter to me.”
“Um, I guess I’ll stay in your room, if that’s OK with you.”
Of course it’s Ok, it’s more then Ok.
“Cool, come in.”
“Thanks.”
I show him my room, and then go out in my living room to where Jon and Spencer are sitting on the couch, to let him unpack in peace. They are sitting next to each other, but Spencer is practically on Jon’s lap and I can tell there this close to making out. I flop myself down on Spencer’s lap and he gives me his bitch face for about five seconds, before he pushes me of the couch.
“Hey,” Brendon says.
I give Spencer a look that says I was trying to tell you, but someone had to push me off the couch! He just rolls his eyes at me.
“Hey Urie, it’s been awhile. How are you doing?”
“Good, you?”
“Pretty good.”
Brendon just nods at that. Jon looks at him with a lazy, relaxed smile on his face (he always seems to have that face.)
“Hey. I missed you Bren. Where were you all this time?”
“Um, I was around.”
Jon raises an eyebrow accusingly, but says nothing more. Brendon looks pretty embarrassed.
“So, guys why don’t we all go in the kitchen, and I’ll make lunch.”
Brendon looks relived, and gives me a small smile. I give him one right back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day I drag Brendon along with me to go shopping, because really he needs a way bigger wardrobe. We end up shopping in all his, and occasionally, my favorite stores. By lunchtime we have at least ten bags full of clothes, and shoes in the bag of my car, and we walk to the ice cream shop in the shopping center.
“Hi, can I have a chocolate sundae with hot fudge, whipped cream, chopped nuts, and a cherry on top, please. Oh and two scoops!”
My mouth is practically hanging open, because damn he is a fucking child. But, in a weird way I think it’s adorable. The waitress looks at me.
“Um, I guess I’ll have the same.” I say to astounded to even look at the menu. After, Brendon and I finish our sundaes -the best sundae I’ve ever had in my life, may I add- we go back outside.
“Hey let’s go back to my car, I want to take you somewhere.”
“OK.”
I tell Brendon to keep his eyes closed on the way there, and by the time we get there he’s so excited; he’s jumping out of his seat. I lead him inside, and say he can open his eyes. And now it’s his turn to have his mouth hanging open, because I took him to the piano store. I know he loves the piano more then anything, pretty much. He goes around and takes at least half an hour looking, touching, and playing just about every fucking piano in the store. When he’s all done looking he comes bounding back to me like a lost puppy again.
“Did you pick one you like?”
“Um,” He leads me over to a sleek, beautiful one. The color of it is a really vibrant shade of red, which is my favorite color. It really is spectacular, and it makes me want to sit and start playing it, it’s that wonderful. I look at the price tag, which isn’t too bad. He looks sad.
“Its way to expensive though.”
I shrug. I walk over to the man standing at the counter.
“May I help you sir?”
“Yes, I’ll take that one,” I say pointing to the piano Brendon’s standing at.
“Alright, we’ll ship that to your house then.”
“Apartment,” I say pulling at my wallet, and I get out my American Express card. He rings up the price, and I also by Brendon some other extra things that will help him take care of the piano. He’s still in shock, even as I’m paying for it. I write down my address, and the man says it should get there in 2-3 business days. I nod.
“Thank you sir, have a nice day.” The man says with a smile on his face.
“Your welcome. Come on Brendon.”
Brendon follows me out to the car. As soon as we get in the car he looks over at me.
“Thank you isn’t enough. I just - thank you, thank you, Ryan. For everything.”
“It’s fine Brendon. It’s not a big deal or anything.”
Brendon looks at the backseat of the car.
“Spending that much money on someone in one day is a big deal Ryan.”
“Well, if you want me to take some of it back…”
“What, no! No I just-”
“Well, then don’t worry about it. Besides, I got some things to.”
“OK. Fine. But really thank you so much.”
I look over at him and smile. I know he never really had a lot of money after his parent’s kicked him out, so I know this is a big deal for him. Even though it’s hardly a dent in my funds.