philosophy and sweetheart dresses
i bought my sweetheart dress today!
liane said andy would drop dead when he saw me in it?
did you?
i feel so pretty when things like this come about.
i get to dress up and get fancy just for one night.
i think this is what i need.
just a nice fancy time out every once in a while.
it would be nice.
but it wouldn't happen.
sadly.
ahh well.
i'm starting to think that people really don't care about me at ihok.
i dunno.
it's just this weird gut feeling that everyone is against me again.
i had some pretty cool talks with liane on the way to the mall.
like how i knew i was gonna be a fucked up kid when i was like 8.
i used to think about a bunch of weird shit.
like what it would be like when you die.
could you still have thought when you die?
just see dark and still think?
i remember this one time, we were still living in the mobile home...so i was really young.
i was going to go to bed and i was lying down and my mom was getting mad cuz i wouldn't go to sleep.
so i asked her what it would be like if i was blind.
she told me to shut my eyes and i'd find out.
but that wasn't what i wanted to know.
the fact that if i were blind and never knew how pretty a flower is, or what my mothers face looked like, or to never be able to see a rainbow, or snow.
thats what i wanted to know.
i wanted to know the emotional effect it would have on me, or a blind person.
then we started talking about religion.
but we won't get into that.
i dunno.
sometimes i think i was doomed to be a weird kid who thinks about crap all the time.
i mean does every 4 year old kid think about what it's like when you die?
or what it's like to be blind?
i dunno.
i used to cry myself to sleep when i would think about these things.
and seeing as i was afraid of dying when i was young.
now i can think about it and not get so freaked out.
i'm not afraid to die anymore.
sometimes i think i'm to philosophical.
i think to much.
someone needs to turn off my brain.
<3
Kaytee
liane said andy would drop dead when he saw me in it?
did you?
i feel so pretty when things like this come about.
i get to dress up and get fancy just for one night.
i think this is what i need.
just a nice fancy time out every once in a while.
it would be nice.
but it wouldn't happen.
sadly.
ahh well.
i'm starting to think that people really don't care about me at ihok.
i dunno.
it's just this weird gut feeling that everyone is against me again.
i had some pretty cool talks with liane on the way to the mall.
like how i knew i was gonna be a fucked up kid when i was like 8.
i used to think about a bunch of weird shit.
like what it would be like when you die.
could you still have thought when you die?
just see dark and still think?
i remember this one time, we were still living in the mobile home...so i was really young.
i was going to go to bed and i was lying down and my mom was getting mad cuz i wouldn't go to sleep.
so i asked her what it would be like if i was blind.
she told me to shut my eyes and i'd find out.
but that wasn't what i wanted to know.
the fact that if i were blind and never knew how pretty a flower is, or what my mothers face looked like, or to never be able to see a rainbow, or snow.
thats what i wanted to know.
i wanted to know the emotional effect it would have on me, or a blind person.
then we started talking about religion.
but we won't get into that.
i dunno.
sometimes i think i was doomed to be a weird kid who thinks about crap all the time.
i mean does every 4 year old kid think about what it's like when you die?
or what it's like to be blind?
i dunno.
i used to cry myself to sleep when i would think about these things.
and seeing as i was afraid of dying when i was young.
now i can think about it and not get so freaked out.
i'm not afraid to die anymore.
sometimes i think i'm to philosophical.
i think to much.
someone needs to turn off my brain.
<3
Kaytee