Important information for hamster_police
We will pass that message on to our Hag, although it was actually us who wrote the poetry.
You better not try and police us. We will not react well. We are serious.
Be careful of your 'Handler' - they usually turn out to be Hags in the end. Just a friendly word of warning, although we don't believe in being friendly.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_
The situation so far...
Just so you know what you are dealing with - The Pelican Hag (luckylove) has the Pelicans (or, as we call them, the stupid beaks), the penguins, the rabbits and the elephants. Our Hag is the Llama Hag and has us, alpacas *spit*, badgers, lemurs and meerkats... although it is a little complicated in that there are killer_alpacas and friendlyalpacas and it is often difficult to tell the difference. We have a huge entourage because we are so famous - we have llama_lawyer, the kray llamas to protect us, llama-in-a-tutu (who looks stupid but likes The Smiths) and countless others. Oh and the lemurs have a therapist. We also have the-llama-witch for when we need her.
The other element of this is killer_camels. Although not officially part of luckylove's army, they were created by her (don't tell them we said that). They are loose cannons and we are never quite sure what they are up to. They did have a 'cult of the camel' community but it doesn't appear to be there anymore.
Also, there are the killer_pretzels - (they came into being when luckylove experienced much amusement over the George Bush choking on a pretzel incident.
The Hag also has the killer_fleeces and killer_snails too, but they don't really do anything.
There are also killersquirrels belonging to someone else.
You need to know that lemurs and the camels fell in love with each other and ran away. Then the lemurs caught the camels cheating and they are almost over their heartbreak now with some help from their therapist. It appears that the camels want them back though. They took them hostage one night and told us they had hidden them in a place where we would never find them. They were giving them mind altering substances and making them dance naked. The badgers and luckylove's elephants are very clever, though, and they teamed up to rescue the lemurs. They were eventually returned to the Hag by the camels.
You should also know that a couple of years ago we went on holiday to Spain with the Pelicans. We all got very drunk and then we got married at a drive thru wedding place. Several months later, we began to give birth on a massive scale - surprising when you consider that both the Pelicans and us are male. Anyway, this resulted in the baby_llamicons who are very mischievous and like to wind us up (which is pretty easy because the most pleasant temper we have is 'not being enraged.' The Hag wrote a parody of the owl and the pussycat about this whole incident,about us and the stupid beaks. We hate to admit it, but we found it quite funny and we think you should read it.
We have a very particular way of speaking. We are usually very rude . We have been looking after the Hag lately, though. We are hoping she might be on her death bed so we can have the flat to themselves. We are great friends with GHag (the Hag's mother) and regularly email her to tell her what a hard life we are have living with the Hag. It isn't just the other animals, it's all the dead poets we have to put up with.
If we are rude to you or your Handler, it will just be normal Llama behaviour (although we will probably mean it as well).
We have almost as many friends on our flist as our Hag, maybe even more. We want a MySpace page and we're going to get one whatever the Hag says. We have a direct line to God.
We realise it is a lot take in, but there are certain things you need to be aware of. Any violation of the Killer Army Rules (spoken or written) is taken very seriously indeed.
Join:
- llamasvpelicans
- parody_city
- hotel_llama
EXTRA INFORMATION THAT WE MISSED OUT BECAUSE WE WERE DRUNK
- the killersquirrels belong to fenland, who we believe is a friend of The Pelican Hags.
- there are also killer_goldfish, who belong to deaddoloreshaze who we believe began as one of the Hag's friends, but is now friends with both Hags. The goldfish are not very loyal to their Hag and our Hag has had Christmas cards from them in which they say that they want her to be their Hag instead.
- how could we miss out sheep_kill? We feel that we mentioned them somewhere else, but maybe not. They belong to another friend of the Hags who would probably wish to remain nameless and who could blame her? We are at war with the sheep, mainly because they think they write better poetry than us. We refer you to this entry, please read it carefully and you will see what the sheep are like: http://opheliablue.livejournal.com/478979.html
- We also missed out mentioning princess_tosca, who belongs to The Pelican Hag and is a most amenable rabbit who keeps things under control when PHag is not there. The Pelicans are lying when they say that we are referred to as 'white dummies.' Oh, ok, they're not lying - it is true that when opheliablue was little and couldn't talk properly yet, there was a picture in a game she had of a LLama and she always called it 'the white dummy.' We have yet to forgive her for that. And she has yet to stop calling us that, although it is true that she can't really speak properly yet either.
- We don't know anything about these socks that the camels are going on about. We will look into it, but it is also true that the camels are in a rock band - http://www.thekillercamels.co.uk/ - and take a lot of drugs so we wouldn't take what they say too seriously.
We have only just sat down for a minute inbetween washing and cooking so we haven't had a chance to look yet, but you (as in hamster_police need to join all the communities too. It is right for your Handler to join them, but her army must join them all too. You will also find that you don't get called Handler for very long. It may be The Hamster Queen, which is what it was originally meant to be with the other two Hags, but it will quickly become The Hamster Hag and then just the HHag. This is partly because it is easier to type that way and also it is partly insulting which is why we like it.
PHag - The Pelican Hag
the Hag (when we say it) - The LLama Hag
GHag - the Hag's mother
GGHag - the Hag's mother's mother (although it was GHag herself who started to refer to her mother as GGHag which may give you some idea of the kind of crazy family background we have.)
You better not try and police us. We will not react well. We are serious.
Be careful of your 'Handler' - they usually turn out to be Hags in the end. Just a friendly word of warning, although we don't believe in being friendly.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_
The situation so far...
Just so you know what you are dealing with - The Pelican Hag (luckylove) has the Pelicans (or, as we call them, the stupid beaks), the penguins, the rabbits and the elephants. Our Hag is the Llama Hag and has us, alpacas *spit*, badgers, lemurs and meerkats... although it is a little complicated in that there are killer_alpacas and friendlyalpacas and it is often difficult to tell the difference. We have a huge entourage because we are so famous - we have llama_lawyer, the kray llamas to protect us, llama-in-a-tutu (who looks stupid but likes The Smiths) and countless others. Oh and the lemurs have a therapist. We also have the-llama-witch for when we need her.
The other element of this is killer_camels. Although not officially part of luckylove's army, they were created by her (don't tell them we said that). They are loose cannons and we are never quite sure what they are up to. They did have a 'cult of the camel' community but it doesn't appear to be there anymore.
Also, there are the killer_pretzels - (they came into being when luckylove experienced much amusement over the George Bush choking on a pretzel incident.
The Hag also has the killer_fleeces and killer_snails too, but they don't really do anything.
There are also killersquirrels belonging to someone else.
You need to know that lemurs and the camels fell in love with each other and ran away. Then the lemurs caught the camels cheating and they are almost over their heartbreak now with some help from their therapist. It appears that the camels want them back though. They took them hostage one night and told us they had hidden them in a place where we would never find them. They were giving them mind altering substances and making them dance naked. The badgers and luckylove's elephants are very clever, though, and they teamed up to rescue the lemurs. They were eventually returned to the Hag by the camels.
You should also know that a couple of years ago we went on holiday to Spain with the Pelicans. We all got very drunk and then we got married at a drive thru wedding place. Several months later, we began to give birth on a massive scale - surprising when you consider that both the Pelicans and us are male. Anyway, this resulted in the baby_llamicons who are very mischievous and like to wind us up (which is pretty easy because the most pleasant temper we have is 'not being enraged.' The Hag wrote a parody of the owl and the pussycat about this whole incident,about us and the stupid beaks. We hate to admit it, but we found it quite funny and we think you should read it.
We have a very particular way of speaking. We are usually very rude . We have been looking after the Hag lately, though. We are hoping she might be on her death bed so we can have the flat to themselves. We are great friends with GHag (the Hag's mother) and regularly email her to tell her what a hard life we are have living with the Hag. It isn't just the other animals, it's all the dead poets we have to put up with.
If we are rude to you or your Handler, it will just be normal Llama behaviour (although we will probably mean it as well).
We have almost as many friends on our flist as our Hag, maybe even more. We want a MySpace page and we're going to get one whatever the Hag says. We have a direct line to God.
We realise it is a lot take in, but there are certain things you need to be aware of. Any violation of the Killer Army Rules (spoken or written) is taken very seriously indeed.
Join:
- llamasvpelicans
- parody_city
- hotel_llama
EXTRA INFORMATION THAT WE MISSED OUT BECAUSE WE WERE DRUNK
- the killersquirrels belong to fenland, who we believe is a friend of The Pelican Hags.
- there are also killer_goldfish, who belong to deaddoloreshaze who we believe began as one of the Hag's friends, but is now friends with both Hags. The goldfish are not very loyal to their Hag and our Hag has had Christmas cards from them in which they say that they want her to be their Hag instead.
- how could we miss out sheep_kill? We feel that we mentioned them somewhere else, but maybe not. They belong to another friend of the Hags who would probably wish to remain nameless and who could blame her? We are at war with the sheep, mainly because they think they write better poetry than us. We refer you to this entry, please read it carefully and you will see what the sheep are like: http://opheliablue.livejournal.com/478979.html
- We also missed out mentioning princess_tosca, who belongs to The Pelican Hag and is a most amenable rabbit who keeps things under control when PHag is not there. The Pelicans are lying when they say that we are referred to as 'white dummies.' Oh, ok, they're not lying - it is true that when opheliablue was little and couldn't talk properly yet, there was a picture in a game she had of a LLama and she always called it 'the white dummy.' We have yet to forgive her for that. And she has yet to stop calling us that, although it is true that she can't really speak properly yet either.
- We don't know anything about these socks that the camels are going on about. We will look into it, but it is also true that the camels are in a rock band - http://www.thekillercamels.co.uk/ - and take a lot of drugs so we wouldn't take what they say too seriously.
We have only just sat down for a minute inbetween washing and cooking so we haven't had a chance to look yet, but you (as in hamster_police need to join all the communities too. It is right for your Handler to join them, but her army must join them all too. You will also find that you don't get called Handler for very long. It may be The Hamster Queen, which is what it was originally meant to be with the other two Hags, but it will quickly become The Hamster Hag and then just the HHag. This is partly because it is easier to type that way and also it is partly insulting which is why we like it.
PHag - The Pelican Hag
the Hag (when we say it) - The LLama Hag
GHag - the Hag's mother
GGHag - the Hag's mother's mother (although it was GHag herself who started to refer to her mother as GGHag which may give you some idea of the kind of crazy family background we have.)