???tseb eht rof yllaer ti sI
Well, I was lucky I was sick this weekend because it would have been really painful just sitting here while my "friends" have fun without me which seems to me to be punishment for being the terrible monster I am.
My Mom doesn't want any of them at my house anymore.
She read what Steve wrote to me.
She said that it was cruel and uncalled for because it was just the other day I was helping Zach get his books, student ID, school supplies and all that stuff, I was there for Katy when no one else was when Zach broke up with her, I picked up Mandy and took her shopping for school clothes, that I always offer to give her rides anywhere or take her anywhere she needs to go and that I was just planning a birthday dinner for Steve at Olive Garden.
I sent him a card a while ago in advance so that I wouldn't forget.
That must have been a day that he liked me.
It should arrive on his birthday.
He can just delete it now I guess.
I do see her point though.
It's not right.
The only one that has any reason to be mad at me is Katy.
I have done NOTHING to any one else.
Nothing but be a friend.
They hold on to the past and dwell on it.
And that's not fair.
Life isn't fair, yes I know.
They are still ignoring my calls and not calling or iming.
It's really ridiculous.
Why no one can talk to me about his or her problems with me to my face is beyond me.
Friends don't act like this.
I don't know what we are anymore.
I don't know who is my friend and who isn't.
And I guess that is what they wanted.
For me to learn my lesson.
To treat me like a child.
They all had a bad day, one gets mad and they all join in on the fun.
I am trying to give them time, but what have the given me?
Nothing.
All I want is an explanation from everyone.
A reason.
Anything.
This just isn't right.
I did talk to Katy.
She said that Steve wrote it.
She thought it was harsh.
Well, that's it for Steve then.
He proclaims in long e-mails how much he despises me and doesn't want me to be a part of his life, and yet he can't seem to stay away.
I figure, if I am as terrible as he makes me out to be he would stay away.
And that goes for everybody else.
I can admit that I don't want to stop hanging out with my friends.
To me there is a difference between hanging out and having fun with people and confiding in, caring and loving someone as a good friend.
I guess they expect me to just sit here and wallow in self-pity.
To be dramatic.
But I can't.
I've got a new life ahead of me.
And I do want that to include them.
More than anything.
But if they keep treating me this way as though I was some sort of criminal or monster, they aren't going to be.
And deep down I get the feeling they could care less if I was gone.
They would miss me being funny and doing stupid shit.
They wouldn't miss who I am.
They wouldn't miss all of me.
And somehow and I have no idea how but some how I have to get over them.
I can't come crawling back to them, apologetic and begging for forgiveness when I haven't done anything to them.
No matter what I say or do I will always be made out to be dramatic, to want everybody’s pity, to be the victim and never the suspect.
Is this what they wanted?
For me to be confused, extremely hurt, self-loathing and unsure?
Because they got it.
And they can leave me alone now.
And move on to the next friend in line.
Whoever it may be.
Dave, Steve, Zach, Katy, Mandy.
Best of luck to whoever is next.
Signing off,
Jenna
My Mom doesn't want any of them at my house anymore.
She read what Steve wrote to me.
She said that it was cruel and uncalled for because it was just the other day I was helping Zach get his books, student ID, school supplies and all that stuff, I was there for Katy when no one else was when Zach broke up with her, I picked up Mandy and took her shopping for school clothes, that I always offer to give her rides anywhere or take her anywhere she needs to go and that I was just planning a birthday dinner for Steve at Olive Garden.
I sent him a card a while ago in advance so that I wouldn't forget.
That must have been a day that he liked me.
It should arrive on his birthday.
He can just delete it now I guess.
I do see her point though.
It's not right.
The only one that has any reason to be mad at me is Katy.
I have done NOTHING to any one else.
Nothing but be a friend.
They hold on to the past and dwell on it.
And that's not fair.
Life isn't fair, yes I know.
They are still ignoring my calls and not calling or iming.
It's really ridiculous.
Why no one can talk to me about his or her problems with me to my face is beyond me.
Friends don't act like this.
I don't know what we are anymore.
I don't know who is my friend and who isn't.
And I guess that is what they wanted.
For me to learn my lesson.
To treat me like a child.
They all had a bad day, one gets mad and they all join in on the fun.
I am trying to give them time, but what have the given me?
Nothing.
All I want is an explanation from everyone.
A reason.
Anything.
This just isn't right.
I did talk to Katy.
She said that Steve wrote it.
She thought it was harsh.
Well, that's it for Steve then.
He proclaims in long e-mails how much he despises me and doesn't want me to be a part of his life, and yet he can't seem to stay away.
I figure, if I am as terrible as he makes me out to be he would stay away.
And that goes for everybody else.
I can admit that I don't want to stop hanging out with my friends.
To me there is a difference between hanging out and having fun with people and confiding in, caring and loving someone as a good friend.
I guess they expect me to just sit here and wallow in self-pity.
To be dramatic.
But I can't.
I've got a new life ahead of me.
And I do want that to include them.
More than anything.
But if they keep treating me this way as though I was some sort of criminal or monster, they aren't going to be.
And deep down I get the feeling they could care less if I was gone.
They would miss me being funny and doing stupid shit.
They wouldn't miss who I am.
They wouldn't miss all of me.
And somehow and I have no idea how but some how I have to get over them.
I can't come crawling back to them, apologetic and begging for forgiveness when I haven't done anything to them.
No matter what I say or do I will always be made out to be dramatic, to want everybody’s pity, to be the victim and never the suspect.
Is this what they wanted?
For me to be confused, extremely hurt, self-loathing and unsure?
Because they got it.
And they can leave me alone now.
And move on to the next friend in line.
Whoever it may be.
Dave, Steve, Zach, Katy, Mandy.
Best of luck to whoever is next.
Signing off,
Jenna