Memory Keeper
Pairing: Changmin/Yoochun
Genre: Romance, Drama
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Changmin likes to keep mementos, a curator of memories
Changmin is a sentimental man despite appearances and vehement denial of this, he is a sentimental sucker and that is a fact. Yoochun makes fun of him for this, laughing at a dried flower he discovers pressed in one of the old books they have, “It was from the congratulatory flowers you gave me!”
Changmin reasons that he likes them as keepsakes: a way of preserving a memory. Yoochun just laughs even more. “Honey, you’re a hoarder just admit it.”
The accused only huffs in defiance.
---
Yoochun often wondered why the refrigerator wall had a random banana magnet amidst all the destination magnets they collected. Wedged between Hawaii and Italy was the said magnet, it bore no markings that would say where it came from. He didn’t understand it’s purpose and more importantly what it was there.
Changmin catches him staring intently at the refrigerator as he enters the kitchen. “You can’t open it with your mind you know, unless you’ve somehow turned into a Jedi and you’re not telling me.”
He laughs at his own joke as he grabs the coffee creamer inside. His boyfriend only squints at him, “Do tell me why we have a banana magnet? It’s been bothering me for the longest time.” Unless he probed he knew he wasn’t going to get an answer from this man.
“Well if you really wanna know its signifance than it means I may have to break up with you.”
Yoochun’s eyebrow rises at the snarky reply he knew too well “You really wanna tell people we broke up over a banana magnet?” A challenge.
Changmin adds two sweeteners in his coffee and looks at Yoochun, not backing down from the truth, “Fine. Years ago in high school we didn’t know each other yet but you sat by my table for lunch. We didn’t talk or whatever just ate lunch and after I was done I mumbled that I was still hungry.”
Yoochun’s lips start twitching but tries to control a smile, nodding for the other to continue.
“For some odd reason you heard that and you handed me your banana and then left the table. So that’s why there’s a banana magnet, get it now?”
A shit grin spreads across Yoochun’s face. “You hopeless sap.”
---
Sitting at work Changmin tries going over the data again to make sure everything was just perfect. He liked details, nitpicking over things thoroughly and thus the sentimentality he harbors over random objects or so he reasons was part of it. He knew Yoochun found it a nuisance but he knew it was mostly because he was a neatfreak who liked organizing their belongings.
It wasn’t like he was keeping a lock of hair or something. He thinks that thought over his head, files it under ‘for future purposes’ in his mind. His colleagues calling him for lunch disrupt his thought. He stands up to grab his wallet, lunch bag and of course his cup (the one Yoochun made for him during one of his hobby classes)
He eats with his close colleagues outside the building, sharing light banter and stories. Yoochun made him lunch from some leftovers the night before as added new things as well. If anything Yoochun never failed to spoil him when it came to food and sometimes his coworkers voiced out their jealousy for this reason. It makes Changmin happy.
---
They decide to go to Las Vegas during one of their anniversaries quite a long time ago just because they wanted to be impulsive. They get a fancy room in one of the hotels on the strips because they don’t really need any reasons. Changmin tries to teach Yoochun how to play in one of the table games but that idea quickly turns awry. Yoochun is too lost to understand and when one of the guys began hitting on him Changmin is too furious to stay.
Yoochun goes on his own to play with the slot machine, it was simple enough for him to get and the lady kept coming back to give him drinks. Changmin sits down on one of the poker tables and gets the upperhand as the game progresses. He briefly forgets about his lover until he feels someone drape around him, ready to punch before he quickly realizes who it was.
“I’ll bring you luck.” Yoochun’s voice has a bit of a slur, faint enough to not be noticed by anyone but Changmin isn’t just anyone. He bites his ear and the people watching whistle and chortle at the display. His lover dislodges himself and stands behind him watching the cards, his hands never leaving his shoulders. This was a sure win anyway at this rate but Changmin never lets it show on his face.
They barely get into their room intact, Yoochun’s hand already shoved inside Changmin’s jeans, bodies pressed together. Changmin can still taste the jack and coke Yoochun was drinking but he thinks the taste of his man is much more intoxicating. Yoochun sinks down to his knees and takes him in skillfully, just the way that makes him go insane. He braces himself on the wall and his moan reverberates.
When they get from the vacation Yoochun doesn’t get a tan and neither does Changmin. People ask them if they had any luck and Yoochun beams and tells them how Changmin won at poker and cashing that in. Changmin beams for a whole other reason but nods nonetheless a coy smile on display. While they unpack the barely used clothes in the suitcase a lone poker chip unrolls from Changmin’s jeans and he laughs picking it up.
“I’m feeling lucky.”
He heads out of the room to find Yoochun.
---
Changmin calls Yoochun up while at the mall, sorting through racks and racks of clothing. His patience paper thin and just so utterly shell shocked by the amount of clothes in this goddamned store. “I don’t know what she likes, she’s fourteen and that’s totally out of my area of knowledge.” He clings to his phone, asking his boyfriend for clothing advice for a teenager.
He swore Jimin was only a baby yesterday, when did she suddenly become this teenager? He could still clearly remember him and Yoochun babysitting her and taking her to parks. He remembers how Yoochun held her in his arms because Changmin was so terrified to hold a tiny human being. His family pokes fun at his inability to hold her for the first three months and gives the baby to Yoochun whenever they’d drop by.
Changmin’s not quite sure when the exact moment was but between those visits to his niece and Yoochun bonding with his family, he knew what they had was for the long haul. Sometimes he thinks it was the way Yoochun blended seamlessly with his parents, siblings and even aunts and cousins. Sometimes it’s the way Yoochun reminded him to call his relatives from time to time, reminded him of birthdays or sending them card that warmed his heart. It was a lot of things and pinpointing that precise moment was futile.
(Out of everything, the day Jimin was born is when truly realizes forever exist with Yoochun. His mother still teary eyed from holding her grandchild in arms welcomes the both of them in the hospital room. “Her name is Jimin.” She tells the both of them as she reaches out to hand her over, “Jimin-ah this is your uncle, Yoochun.” His mom saying this to Yochun and image of him holding her in his arms with so much care and love makes him cry.)
Changmin snaps out of his reverie when one of the clothes falls off the flimsy hanger. “Just get her a freaking gift card, Changmin.” He hears laughter from the other end of the line. Why didn’t he think of that in the first place was beyond him.
“I didn’t think of that.” He huffs, heading to the counter to pick the said card. Annoyed with himself and the amount of time he spent in the frilly store.
“This is why I’m your boyfriend and why you need me.” Yoochun continues to laugh on the other line.
He really couldn’t disagree.
---
Yoochun finds himself cleaning up their closet, placing old clothes in bins to be sorted out later on. Years of being together also meant years of accumulated things and knowing his boyfriend’s penchant for holding on to objects he knew they’d get buried in clutter in no time. He folds and tosses out Changmin’s shirts that are too old to be saved, stained beyond repeair and just plain ugly.
He thinks he should just burn some of them in a pyre but that was too much wishful thinking. He reaches a corner of the closet and pulls out a worn out box, opening it to find an old sweater inside. He furrows his eyebrows at this discovery- why keep this particular thing in a box? He unfolds the piece of clothing and stares at it. He doesn’t remember this one at all. He tries to think of its significance but he comes out with nothing. He’d really have to ask Changmin this one but knowing his lover he’s already rolling his eyes at the explanation.
When Changmin comes home he finds boxes on their bedroom floor labeled ‘yes’ ‘no’ ‘maybe’ and ‘for donation’ and it doesn’t take long for him to figure out that Yoochun had been sorting again. He hears the shower on and waits for his boyfriend to come out, idly going over some of the boxes. He stops his investigation when he notices a sweater folded on the bed, a sweater he has not seen in a very long time.
Changmin holds it up, overcome with a memory this particular gray-blue sweater gives him and he wonders if Yoochun remembers it as well. He feels the fabric under his fingers and tugs at it, smiling to himself as he does so. He hears Yoochun finish up and waits for him to step out a story reliving in his head already
“So you found this.” Yoochun only nods at him, drying his hair with a towel as he walks inside the room. “It seemed important having been placed in a box and all and knowing how you are there has got to be some significance.” The tone is teasing as usual so Changmin lets it slide.
Changmin tries on the sweater on, now ill fitting and a little short already, the colors faded and the ends frayed. He looks at himself in the mirror and he thinks he sees the younger version of himself, gawky and awkward. He’s suddenly brought back to the younger image of his lover as well, his short hair and pale skin.
He walks over Yoochun who is now dressed in his pajamas, long hair still damp and skin a tad bit tanner due to his hobby of fishing. He grabs his hand and laces their fingers together, making the shorter man look at him in the eyes.
“This sweater is important because it was the one I wore when I tried to run away from home. When I was so scared because I finally admitted to my family that I was gay. I was so. . .distraught and lost that I just shoved whatever clothing I had in a bag and wore this despite the heat that day.”
Changmin is speaking from a memory long ago, a time he thought he wouldn’t have gotten over but has risen out of new. Yoochun still remembers that time of confusion, that time of hurt and fear but they’ve gotten past it. They’ve gotten through it together and it was all that mattered then and is still what matters until now.
“You came looking for me and eventually you did find me huddled under that bridge we used to cross to go home. You were so angry and I thought you were going to punch me but instead you cried in my arms. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”
He was angry, he remembers. He remembers calling up Changmin’s house to ask for homework since he had been sick for past days only to have his mother tell him that Changmin was gone. She had been frantic over the phone that Yoochun just didn’t know what to do so he ran, despite his fever and not knowing where to start. He was angry for Changmin not telling him anything and for resorting to running away.
“You kept persuading me to come back home and I wouldn’t budge. At one point you said that I could just live in your closet and hide there. I guess you were that delirious of fever already but I wasn’t paying attention. You were saying all these crazy things just to have me come back and they weren’t making sense.”
Changmin refused to go back home, ashamed of himself; of what he was. He was young and he didn’t know what to do and the fear of rejection blew past his logic. Yoochun kept tugging him, trying to physically take him home but he was too weak for wear already and it was pathetic. He remembers staying under the bridge with Changmin until it got dark and after that even but he was so exhausted from fever that he barely remembers what happens after.
“You kept asking me to come back with you and I kept saying no over and over but you wouldn’t stop until you started bawling again. I remember clearly you shouting at me.”
“You have to come back because I love you. I love you, that’s why you have to come back. Come back, come back! I love you, please”
Changmin feels Yoochun’s nails digging into his arms as he shouts those words at him but it doesn’t compare to the burning feeling of Yoochun’s tears on his neck as he sobs. His words echoing in his ears as Yoochun utters them like a chant, a plea for him to hear and listen to. Love is powerful to overturn fear, he thinks to himself. If Yoochun loved him despite it, loved him even more so and loved him because of it than he had no fear. Everyone else be damned, he had love here, right now.
Here in his arms.
“You told me you loved me over and over until you passed out and I took you home. Funny how that works out? You came to take me back but it was I who took you back home. This sweater was soaked with your tears, as well as your warmth but above all your love.”
Yoochun’s arms envelop around him as he says those last words, embracing him so tight. It’s not until he feels wetness on his shoulder that he registers to return the touch, cradling him in his arms. It’s astounding he thinks how it had gone full circle from that moment years ago to this: a moment his younger self wouldn’t have dreamed or hoped for.
Changmin still keeps random objects, around him as a keepsake, a souvenir from life he tucks away. A plate from a vacation, a postcard from a city, the fork from the first time they flew first class and a many more. Out of everything that life has ever given him this man in his embrace right now is the really the only important one.
He’s not letting this one go.
again for gompi who dared me
Genre: Romance, Drama
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Changmin likes to keep mementos, a curator of memories
Changmin is a sentimental man despite appearances and vehement denial of this, he is a sentimental sucker and that is a fact. Yoochun makes fun of him for this, laughing at a dried flower he discovers pressed in one of the old books they have, “It was from the congratulatory flowers you gave me!”
Changmin reasons that he likes them as keepsakes: a way of preserving a memory. Yoochun just laughs even more. “Honey, you’re a hoarder just admit it.”
The accused only huffs in defiance.
---
Yoochun often wondered why the refrigerator wall had a random banana magnet amidst all the destination magnets they collected. Wedged between Hawaii and Italy was the said magnet, it bore no markings that would say where it came from. He didn’t understand it’s purpose and more importantly what it was there.
Changmin catches him staring intently at the refrigerator as he enters the kitchen. “You can’t open it with your mind you know, unless you’ve somehow turned into a Jedi and you’re not telling me.”
He laughs at his own joke as he grabs the coffee creamer inside. His boyfriend only squints at him, “Do tell me why we have a banana magnet? It’s been bothering me for the longest time.” Unless he probed he knew he wasn’t going to get an answer from this man.
“Well if you really wanna know its signifance than it means I may have to break up with you.”
Yoochun’s eyebrow rises at the snarky reply he knew too well “You really wanna tell people we broke up over a banana magnet?” A challenge.
Changmin adds two sweeteners in his coffee and looks at Yoochun, not backing down from the truth, “Fine. Years ago in high school we didn’t know each other yet but you sat by my table for lunch. We didn’t talk or whatever just ate lunch and after I was done I mumbled that I was still hungry.”
Yoochun’s lips start twitching but tries to control a smile, nodding for the other to continue.
“For some odd reason you heard that and you handed me your banana and then left the table. So that’s why there’s a banana magnet, get it now?”
A shit grin spreads across Yoochun’s face. “You hopeless sap.”
---
Sitting at work Changmin tries going over the data again to make sure everything was just perfect. He liked details, nitpicking over things thoroughly and thus the sentimentality he harbors over random objects or so he reasons was part of it. He knew Yoochun found it a nuisance but he knew it was mostly because he was a neatfreak who liked organizing their belongings.
It wasn’t like he was keeping a lock of hair or something. He thinks that thought over his head, files it under ‘for future purposes’ in his mind. His colleagues calling him for lunch disrupt his thought. He stands up to grab his wallet, lunch bag and of course his cup (the one Yoochun made for him during one of his hobby classes)
He eats with his close colleagues outside the building, sharing light banter and stories. Yoochun made him lunch from some leftovers the night before as added new things as well. If anything Yoochun never failed to spoil him when it came to food and sometimes his coworkers voiced out their jealousy for this reason. It makes Changmin happy.
---
They decide to go to Las Vegas during one of their anniversaries quite a long time ago just because they wanted to be impulsive. They get a fancy room in one of the hotels on the strips because they don’t really need any reasons. Changmin tries to teach Yoochun how to play in one of the table games but that idea quickly turns awry. Yoochun is too lost to understand and when one of the guys began hitting on him Changmin is too furious to stay.
Yoochun goes on his own to play with the slot machine, it was simple enough for him to get and the lady kept coming back to give him drinks. Changmin sits down on one of the poker tables and gets the upperhand as the game progresses. He briefly forgets about his lover until he feels someone drape around him, ready to punch before he quickly realizes who it was.
“I’ll bring you luck.” Yoochun’s voice has a bit of a slur, faint enough to not be noticed by anyone but Changmin isn’t just anyone. He bites his ear and the people watching whistle and chortle at the display. His lover dislodges himself and stands behind him watching the cards, his hands never leaving his shoulders. This was a sure win anyway at this rate but Changmin never lets it show on his face.
They barely get into their room intact, Yoochun’s hand already shoved inside Changmin’s jeans, bodies pressed together. Changmin can still taste the jack and coke Yoochun was drinking but he thinks the taste of his man is much more intoxicating. Yoochun sinks down to his knees and takes him in skillfully, just the way that makes him go insane. He braces himself on the wall and his moan reverberates.
When they get from the vacation Yoochun doesn’t get a tan and neither does Changmin. People ask them if they had any luck and Yoochun beams and tells them how Changmin won at poker and cashing that in. Changmin beams for a whole other reason but nods nonetheless a coy smile on display. While they unpack the barely used clothes in the suitcase a lone poker chip unrolls from Changmin’s jeans and he laughs picking it up.
“I’m feeling lucky.”
He heads out of the room to find Yoochun.
---
Changmin calls Yoochun up while at the mall, sorting through racks and racks of clothing. His patience paper thin and just so utterly shell shocked by the amount of clothes in this goddamned store. “I don’t know what she likes, she’s fourteen and that’s totally out of my area of knowledge.” He clings to his phone, asking his boyfriend for clothing advice for a teenager.
He swore Jimin was only a baby yesterday, when did she suddenly become this teenager? He could still clearly remember him and Yoochun babysitting her and taking her to parks. He remembers how Yoochun held her in his arms because Changmin was so terrified to hold a tiny human being. His family pokes fun at his inability to hold her for the first three months and gives the baby to Yoochun whenever they’d drop by.
Changmin’s not quite sure when the exact moment was but between those visits to his niece and Yoochun bonding with his family, he knew what they had was for the long haul. Sometimes he thinks it was the way Yoochun blended seamlessly with his parents, siblings and even aunts and cousins. Sometimes it’s the way Yoochun reminded him to call his relatives from time to time, reminded him of birthdays or sending them card that warmed his heart. It was a lot of things and pinpointing that precise moment was futile.
(Out of everything, the day Jimin was born is when truly realizes forever exist with Yoochun. His mother still teary eyed from holding her grandchild in arms welcomes the both of them in the hospital room. “Her name is Jimin.” She tells the both of them as she reaches out to hand her over, “Jimin-ah this is your uncle, Yoochun.” His mom saying this to Yochun and image of him holding her in his arms with so much care and love makes him cry.)
Changmin snaps out of his reverie when one of the clothes falls off the flimsy hanger. “Just get her a freaking gift card, Changmin.” He hears laughter from the other end of the line. Why didn’t he think of that in the first place was beyond him.
“I didn’t think of that.” He huffs, heading to the counter to pick the said card. Annoyed with himself and the amount of time he spent in the frilly store.
“This is why I’m your boyfriend and why you need me.” Yoochun continues to laugh on the other line.
He really couldn’t disagree.
---
Yoochun finds himself cleaning up their closet, placing old clothes in bins to be sorted out later on. Years of being together also meant years of accumulated things and knowing his boyfriend’s penchant for holding on to objects he knew they’d get buried in clutter in no time. He folds and tosses out Changmin’s shirts that are too old to be saved, stained beyond repeair and just plain ugly.
He thinks he should just burn some of them in a pyre but that was too much wishful thinking. He reaches a corner of the closet and pulls out a worn out box, opening it to find an old sweater inside. He furrows his eyebrows at this discovery- why keep this particular thing in a box? He unfolds the piece of clothing and stares at it. He doesn’t remember this one at all. He tries to think of its significance but he comes out with nothing. He’d really have to ask Changmin this one but knowing his lover he’s already rolling his eyes at the explanation.
When Changmin comes home he finds boxes on their bedroom floor labeled ‘yes’ ‘no’ ‘maybe’ and ‘for donation’ and it doesn’t take long for him to figure out that Yoochun had been sorting again. He hears the shower on and waits for his boyfriend to come out, idly going over some of the boxes. He stops his investigation when he notices a sweater folded on the bed, a sweater he has not seen in a very long time.
Changmin holds it up, overcome with a memory this particular gray-blue sweater gives him and he wonders if Yoochun remembers it as well. He feels the fabric under his fingers and tugs at it, smiling to himself as he does so. He hears Yoochun finish up and waits for him to step out a story reliving in his head already
“So you found this.” Yoochun only nods at him, drying his hair with a towel as he walks inside the room. “It seemed important having been placed in a box and all and knowing how you are there has got to be some significance.” The tone is teasing as usual so Changmin lets it slide.
Changmin tries on the sweater on, now ill fitting and a little short already, the colors faded and the ends frayed. He looks at himself in the mirror and he thinks he sees the younger version of himself, gawky and awkward. He’s suddenly brought back to the younger image of his lover as well, his short hair and pale skin.
He walks over Yoochun who is now dressed in his pajamas, long hair still damp and skin a tad bit tanner due to his hobby of fishing. He grabs his hand and laces their fingers together, making the shorter man look at him in the eyes.
“This sweater is important because it was the one I wore when I tried to run away from home. When I was so scared because I finally admitted to my family that I was gay. I was so. . .distraught and lost that I just shoved whatever clothing I had in a bag and wore this despite the heat that day.”
Changmin is speaking from a memory long ago, a time he thought he wouldn’t have gotten over but has risen out of new. Yoochun still remembers that time of confusion, that time of hurt and fear but they’ve gotten past it. They’ve gotten through it together and it was all that mattered then and is still what matters until now.
“You came looking for me and eventually you did find me huddled under that bridge we used to cross to go home. You were so angry and I thought you were going to punch me but instead you cried in my arms. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”
He was angry, he remembers. He remembers calling up Changmin’s house to ask for homework since he had been sick for past days only to have his mother tell him that Changmin was gone. She had been frantic over the phone that Yoochun just didn’t know what to do so he ran, despite his fever and not knowing where to start. He was angry for Changmin not telling him anything and for resorting to running away.
“You kept persuading me to come back home and I wouldn’t budge. At one point you said that I could just live in your closet and hide there. I guess you were that delirious of fever already but I wasn’t paying attention. You were saying all these crazy things just to have me come back and they weren’t making sense.”
Changmin refused to go back home, ashamed of himself; of what he was. He was young and he didn’t know what to do and the fear of rejection blew past his logic. Yoochun kept tugging him, trying to physically take him home but he was too weak for wear already and it was pathetic. He remembers staying under the bridge with Changmin until it got dark and after that even but he was so exhausted from fever that he barely remembers what happens after.
“You kept asking me to come back with you and I kept saying no over and over but you wouldn’t stop until you started bawling again. I remember clearly you shouting at me.”
“You have to come back because I love you. I love you, that’s why you have to come back. Come back, come back! I love you, please”
Changmin feels Yoochun’s nails digging into his arms as he shouts those words at him but it doesn’t compare to the burning feeling of Yoochun’s tears on his neck as he sobs. His words echoing in his ears as Yoochun utters them like a chant, a plea for him to hear and listen to. Love is powerful to overturn fear, he thinks to himself. If Yoochun loved him despite it, loved him even more so and loved him because of it than he had no fear. Everyone else be damned, he had love here, right now.
Here in his arms.
“You told me you loved me over and over until you passed out and I took you home. Funny how that works out? You came to take me back but it was I who took you back home. This sweater was soaked with your tears, as well as your warmth but above all your love.”
Yoochun’s arms envelop around him as he says those last words, embracing him so tight. It’s not until he feels wetness on his shoulder that he registers to return the touch, cradling him in his arms. It’s astounding he thinks how it had gone full circle from that moment years ago to this: a moment his younger self wouldn’t have dreamed or hoped for.
Changmin still keeps random objects, around him as a keepsake, a souvenir from life he tucks away. A plate from a vacation, a postcard from a city, the fork from the first time they flew first class and a many more. Out of everything that life has ever given him this man in his embrace right now is the really the only important one.
He’s not letting this one go.
again for gompi who dared me