(no subject)
so it finnally came.....adam is gone.
i feel...empty is the only word....because sad doesnt really fit because im happy for him if its what he wanted...and i kno its going to help him...but it all still sucks....i miss him soooooo much already and its only day two.
i figured with all my free time i could write in this thing again.
so heres how the weekend went.
friday adams mom threw him a surprise going away party...he was definetly surprised he showed up a lil drunk but he was still happy to get to see everyone before he left. it was really sad tho...a little too much for me to take between feeling awkard with all his friends...and people non-stop talkin about him leaving....i left an hour early. i needed to.
saturday after work me and adam celebrated our early valentines day. it was prolly one of the best and worst nites of my life. he was perfect; completely awesome. but it was so hard to enjoy myself knowing it was my last day with him. we went out to eat for the first time ever... do u believe that we had been goin out for almost three years and never went out to eat....lol we are an odd couple. he looked perfect....he was all dressed up and juss kept lookin at me with those glowin eyes...he made me feel more beautiful than ever. then, we were going to see a movie, but we decided why waste some of our last hours sittin somewhere we couldnt even talk...so we went back to his house instead.
i opened his bedroom down to find a teddy bear sittin on his bed with huge heart shaped balloons attached...so un-adam-like but it made me smile none-the-less. he also home-made me chocolate covered strawberries cuz they are my fave....we sooo devoured them. lol
he bought me one of those cool pillows that are everywhere now...bright pink of course cuz adam LOVES pink...and sprayed it with his cologne so i could sleep with it at night while he was away....it acutally kinda helps me to sleep easier so far....weird i kno. and he recorded me messages so i could listen to his voice since we cant even talk on the fone while hes away. i didnt listen to them till after he left...they made me cry. he sang me "your so beautiful to me" lol i love him soo much. lol
so the remander of the night we talked about all kinds of stuff...about him leaving and when he gets back and the inbetween time.... about his feelings about it...he looked and seemed so scared to me...but he asssured me he was juss anxious and just wanted to get started so it could be over. and then i fell asleep in his arms for the last time for a good three months.
we woke up the next morning and spent the remainder of the time in his living room with his fam juss talkin about silly memories and stuff....but sure enuf at 1'oclock the fone rang and the recruiter was outside....he took me upstairs to his room to say bye to me alone then we went back downstairs so he could say bye to everyone else...it was so sad....i cant even describe what i was feeling.
and then he left.
he called me a couple times from the hotel...everytime i cried.
and he got to call me yesterday from the air port to wish me a happy valentines day and say our last goodbyes...i talked to him till about 330...and then his plane left around 530....his mom was suposed to call me when she heard he got there ok but hasnt yet, but im not too worried...i juss miss him already and its only been a day. usually i could go a week without seeing him and it wouldnt bother me...its juss knowing that i cant call him or see him at all for the next 3 months. hopefully it will get easier....so now the wait begins...the countdown has started 90 days till my baby is back home for 10 days!!!! then he leaves again but at least he can take a fone with him....and after those 3 months hell be home for good hopefully since hes doing reserves.
i realized a lot from all this tho. i realized that adam really does care about me alot, when he says he loves me he means it. and i realized how much he means to me and i realized that sometimes i take advantage of him when i shouldnt. when he comes home things are going to be different. absence makes the heart grow fonder right.
i realized that he needed to do this because if he didnt he woulda always wondered what if???? i wish he woulda joined a different branch of the military cuz they have shorter bootcamps...but marines called him and marines is what he chose.
i realized that he is going to benefit alot from this even if he has to sacrafice alot in the meantime.
i realized that even while he is gone he is still mine...he still loves me just the same and he will be back. its just hard in the mean time.
and finnally i realized the i love him and im going to support him threw all of this.
but even with all this ....it still suckkkkksss...especially on nights like this where all my friends are workin and im gunna be by myself for most of the nite....its then when i think about it too much....i think about how hard this is gonna be and i picture my poor baby gettin yelled at and worked into the ground. i need to keep myself busy to keep my mind off all this. my goal is to try and keep as busy as possible through this semester and just make it to may. in may hell be home for a bit and then things will be easier cuz ill be able to talk to him even while hes away.
you never realized how big a part of ur life a person can become over three years until you loose them. then it seems like they were your everything.
i have faith that in the end all this will work out. everything happens for a reason and this is going to make our relationship stronger and closer. i miss my marine soooo much. i cant wait till i have his address so i can write.
things will get better
they just have to
as ever
the all time biggest rambler.
loren
i feel...empty is the only word....because sad doesnt really fit because im happy for him if its what he wanted...and i kno its going to help him...but it all still sucks....i miss him soooooo much already and its only day two.
i figured with all my free time i could write in this thing again.
so heres how the weekend went.
friday adams mom threw him a surprise going away party...he was definetly surprised he showed up a lil drunk but he was still happy to get to see everyone before he left. it was really sad tho...a little too much for me to take between feeling awkard with all his friends...and people non-stop talkin about him leaving....i left an hour early. i needed to.
saturday after work me and adam celebrated our early valentines day. it was prolly one of the best and worst nites of my life. he was perfect; completely awesome. but it was so hard to enjoy myself knowing it was my last day with him. we went out to eat for the first time ever... do u believe that we had been goin out for almost three years and never went out to eat....lol we are an odd couple. he looked perfect....he was all dressed up and juss kept lookin at me with those glowin eyes...he made me feel more beautiful than ever. then, we were going to see a movie, but we decided why waste some of our last hours sittin somewhere we couldnt even talk...so we went back to his house instead.
i opened his bedroom down to find a teddy bear sittin on his bed with huge heart shaped balloons attached...so un-adam-like but it made me smile none-the-less. he also home-made me chocolate covered strawberries cuz they are my fave....we sooo devoured them. lol
he bought me one of those cool pillows that are everywhere now...bright pink of course cuz adam LOVES pink...and sprayed it with his cologne so i could sleep with it at night while he was away....it acutally kinda helps me to sleep easier so far....weird i kno. and he recorded me messages so i could listen to his voice since we cant even talk on the fone while hes away. i didnt listen to them till after he left...they made me cry. he sang me "your so beautiful to me" lol i love him soo much. lol
so the remander of the night we talked about all kinds of stuff...about him leaving and when he gets back and the inbetween time.... about his feelings about it...he looked and seemed so scared to me...but he asssured me he was juss anxious and just wanted to get started so it could be over. and then i fell asleep in his arms for the last time for a good three months.
we woke up the next morning and spent the remainder of the time in his living room with his fam juss talkin about silly memories and stuff....but sure enuf at 1'oclock the fone rang and the recruiter was outside....he took me upstairs to his room to say bye to me alone then we went back downstairs so he could say bye to everyone else...it was so sad....i cant even describe what i was feeling.
and then he left.
he called me a couple times from the hotel...everytime i cried.
and he got to call me yesterday from the air port to wish me a happy valentines day and say our last goodbyes...i talked to him till about 330...and then his plane left around 530....his mom was suposed to call me when she heard he got there ok but hasnt yet, but im not too worried...i juss miss him already and its only been a day. usually i could go a week without seeing him and it wouldnt bother me...its juss knowing that i cant call him or see him at all for the next 3 months. hopefully it will get easier....so now the wait begins...the countdown has started 90 days till my baby is back home for 10 days!!!! then he leaves again but at least he can take a fone with him....and after those 3 months hell be home for good hopefully since hes doing reserves.
i realized a lot from all this tho. i realized that adam really does care about me alot, when he says he loves me he means it. and i realized how much he means to me and i realized that sometimes i take advantage of him when i shouldnt. when he comes home things are going to be different. absence makes the heart grow fonder right.
i realized that he needed to do this because if he didnt he woulda always wondered what if???? i wish he woulda joined a different branch of the military cuz they have shorter bootcamps...but marines called him and marines is what he chose.
i realized that he is going to benefit alot from this even if he has to sacrafice alot in the meantime.
i realized that even while he is gone he is still mine...he still loves me just the same and he will be back. its just hard in the mean time.
and finnally i realized the i love him and im going to support him threw all of this.
but even with all this ....it still suckkkkksss...especially on nights like this where all my friends are workin and im gunna be by myself for most of the nite....its then when i think about it too much....i think about how hard this is gonna be and i picture my poor baby gettin yelled at and worked into the ground. i need to keep myself busy to keep my mind off all this. my goal is to try and keep as busy as possible through this semester and just make it to may. in may hell be home for a bit and then things will be easier cuz ill be able to talk to him even while hes away.
you never realized how big a part of ur life a person can become over three years until you loose them. then it seems like they were your everything.
i have faith that in the end all this will work out. everything happens for a reason and this is going to make our relationship stronger and closer. i miss my marine soooo much. i cant wait till i have his address so i can write.
things will get better
they just have to
as ever
the all time biggest rambler.
loren