I'm on the verge i'm on the verge
My God, I never saw myself in this state. I've always been in control of myself, and then in ONE miniscule moment, I've lost myself.
Who am I?
I can't answer that question. I find that so fucking weird though. All through high school I knew exactly who I was. I was Kristin. I was unique. I was funny and fun.
College changes you and don't let anyone tell you other wise. Maybe its my utter fear of loneliness that's causeing my mind to make serious twists and turns. And I feel alone. I feel like I'm locked in a room of insanity. These white walls are driving me to my breaking point. I pace the floors muttering. I watch the blood hit the floor and make deafining crashes. Its shear madness. Everything about this life I'm living is.
God, I'm a fucking mess. I want to tell everyone everything, but I can only tell them so little. I suppose its my fault that I'm this way, but its something I've grown acustomed to. When someone moves in, I push them away. I can't keep friends, I can't hold reltaionships, amd the worst part, I can't talk to my family.
People keep trying to figure me out, but, let me be the first to tell you, you can't. I only let people in so far before I shut you out.
I have an artists mind as my aunt used to call it. She always was the one person who could see through me. She told me she knew that one day, without something to keep my mind steady, I would snap. She said she would be there for me when I needed someone...but she isn't there anymore. She's gone. The first person that I loved so much taken from me. Then my grandmother.
I know that people are going to read this and say "I'm here for you". You are, and that touches me so much, but I still feel like I'm alone in this world. I can't help it. I love you so much, and I care for you tons. And I thank you for all you've done. I just need you to bear with me while I try to figure out myself and whats wrong with me. I just need to know that when I need you you'll be there. This is a struggle that won't end until I die.
This describes me...
Did you ever feel like you wanna be
Someone else for just one day,
Did you ever feel like you wanna
See through another pair of lies,
Did you ever think I'm a wannabe with
Anyone else just one day,
Did you ever you really think of me when i walked away?
You look, you don't sound apologetic,
You smoke your subjects at my eyes, like you think,
You know where you think you'll find, you think you'll figure me out tonight,
But you'll never know what i won't share,
Cause I don't care and I don't care,
You think you'll figure me out tonight,
But I don't care,
And I wonder, if I'm just built this way,
Cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways,
Go back to start again, go back to start again.
Did you ever feel like you should have said
Something smarter at that time,
Did you ever feel like you should have kept
In all to yourself,
Did you ever think it might be your fault
And never promise anymore,
Did you ever think it might not be me
Now it was always me?
You look, you don't sound apologetic,
You smoke your subjects at my eyes, like you think,
You know where you think you'll find, you think you'll figure me out tonight,
But you'll never know what i won't share,
Cause I don't care and I don't care,
You think you'll figure me out tonight,
But I don't care,
And I wonder, if I'm just built this way
Cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways
Go back to start again
And I wonder, if I'm just built this way
Cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways
Go back to start again, go back to start again
You look, you don't sound apologetic,
You smoke your subjects at my eyes, like you think,
You know where you think you'll find, you think you'll figure me out tonight,
But you'll never know what i won't share,
Cause I don't care and I don't care,
You think you'll figure me out tonight,
But I don't care,
And I wonder, if I'm just built this way
cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways
Go back to start again,
Who am I?
I can't answer that question. I find that so fucking weird though. All through high school I knew exactly who I was. I was Kristin. I was unique. I was funny and fun.
College changes you and don't let anyone tell you other wise. Maybe its my utter fear of loneliness that's causeing my mind to make serious twists and turns. And I feel alone. I feel like I'm locked in a room of insanity. These white walls are driving me to my breaking point. I pace the floors muttering. I watch the blood hit the floor and make deafining crashes. Its shear madness. Everything about this life I'm living is.
God, I'm a fucking mess. I want to tell everyone everything, but I can only tell them so little. I suppose its my fault that I'm this way, but its something I've grown acustomed to. When someone moves in, I push them away. I can't keep friends, I can't hold reltaionships, amd the worst part, I can't talk to my family.
People keep trying to figure me out, but, let me be the first to tell you, you can't. I only let people in so far before I shut you out.
I have an artists mind as my aunt used to call it. She always was the one person who could see through me. She told me she knew that one day, without something to keep my mind steady, I would snap. She said she would be there for me when I needed someone...but she isn't there anymore. She's gone. The first person that I loved so much taken from me. Then my grandmother.
I know that people are going to read this and say "I'm here for you". You are, and that touches me so much, but I still feel like I'm alone in this world. I can't help it. I love you so much, and I care for you tons. And I thank you for all you've done. I just need you to bear with me while I try to figure out myself and whats wrong with me. I just need to know that when I need you you'll be there. This is a struggle that won't end until I die.
This describes me...
Did you ever feel like you wanna be
Someone else for just one day,
Did you ever feel like you wanna
See through another pair of lies,
Did you ever think I'm a wannabe with
Anyone else just one day,
Did you ever you really think of me when i walked away?
You look, you don't sound apologetic,
You smoke your subjects at my eyes, like you think,
You know where you think you'll find, you think you'll figure me out tonight,
But you'll never know what i won't share,
Cause I don't care and I don't care,
You think you'll figure me out tonight,
But I don't care,
And I wonder, if I'm just built this way,
Cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways,
Go back to start again, go back to start again.
Did you ever feel like you should have said
Something smarter at that time,
Did you ever feel like you should have kept
In all to yourself,
Did you ever think it might be your fault
And never promise anymore,
Did you ever think it might not be me
Now it was always me?
You look, you don't sound apologetic,
You smoke your subjects at my eyes, like you think,
You know where you think you'll find, you think you'll figure me out tonight,
But you'll never know what i won't share,
Cause I don't care and I don't care,
You think you'll figure me out tonight,
But I don't care,
And I wonder, if I'm just built this way
Cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways
Go back to start again
And I wonder, if I'm just built this way
Cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways
Go back to start again, go back to start again
You look, you don't sound apologetic,
You smoke your subjects at my eyes, like you think,
You know where you think you'll find, you think you'll figure me out tonight,
But you'll never know what i won't share,
Cause I don't care and I don't care,
You think you'll figure me out tonight,
But I don't care,
And I wonder, if I'm just built this way
cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways
Go back to start again,