such a strange day
so i don't know.
i don't even want to be writing in this thing right now.
this is the last one i think.
i'll still write but this is the last one where i go into this.
things shot through the roof today. just everything smashing down right on track for once.
and then throughout the course of the day faulty engineering took its toll and well one more sharp turn and someone needs to call the wreck crew.
i did all the things i had to do.
got spiceys.
thought i was going to have a nice dinner.
never made my monkey bread. tomorrow i guess.
but then all this shit. like completely random things and just things that turned every breath i breathe sour.
i'm tired of saying i don't know anymore because the truth is i never really knew.
with the exception that i love this school and the people i'm surrounded by here, this feels exactly like this time last year.
one of the worst christmases ever.
probably third to the christmas between jake and jessie, and the one after my grandmother died. i still have the card in my wallet. it will fall apart but i'll never throw it away from my wallet. i don't really want to talk about all this. just being down here right now, it still bothers me every time.
but yeah. things that were said last year. i think i'm gonna have to say them again this year. but with more integrity. i can't allow this to keep happening. and if i have to hear one more fucking thing about how i need to find a job i'm going to walk out and go fucking search for a job for hours, no matter what the fucking time is. because i just can't take that shit anymore. it's fucking unbelievable how many places i've applied to. nobody fucking calls me. what do i do about that? keep going back so they can keep telling me to go home and wait to hear from them? fuck that.
i'm actually sick of being home already and that's the first time this has happened to me since i've started college.
i'm gonna run until i puke and then go be miserable all night at this party.
hoping for a miracle.
i don't even want to be writing in this thing right now.
this is the last one i think.
i'll still write but this is the last one where i go into this.
things shot through the roof today. just everything smashing down right on track for once.
and then throughout the course of the day faulty engineering took its toll and well one more sharp turn and someone needs to call the wreck crew.
i did all the things i had to do.
got spiceys.
thought i was going to have a nice dinner.
never made my monkey bread. tomorrow i guess.
but then all this shit. like completely random things and just things that turned every breath i breathe sour.
i'm tired of saying i don't know anymore because the truth is i never really knew.
with the exception that i love this school and the people i'm surrounded by here, this feels exactly like this time last year.
one of the worst christmases ever.
probably third to the christmas between jake and jessie, and the one after my grandmother died. i still have the card in my wallet. it will fall apart but i'll never throw it away from my wallet. i don't really want to talk about all this. just being down here right now, it still bothers me every time.
but yeah. things that were said last year. i think i'm gonna have to say them again this year. but with more integrity. i can't allow this to keep happening. and if i have to hear one more fucking thing about how i need to find a job i'm going to walk out and go fucking search for a job for hours, no matter what the fucking time is. because i just can't take that shit anymore. it's fucking unbelievable how many places i've applied to. nobody fucking calls me. what do i do about that? keep going back so they can keep telling me to go home and wait to hear from them? fuck that.
i'm actually sick of being home already and that's the first time this has happened to me since i've started college.
i'm gonna run until i puke and then go be miserable all night at this party.
hoping for a miracle.