The Rebirth of LJ
The last time I made an entry in this journal I was 18 going on 19. I am now 22 going on 23, so much has changed since my last update of teen angst! Yeah... I went through a lot of bad times and I have done a lot of "bad" things. But, hey! I'm still here and have a lot of great things to talk about. Groups of friends changed. The last four years we have grown up, somewhat grown apart, in some cases grown ridiculously close. Jeska and I actually ended up living together in a crazy party apartment (told you it would happen!). Vince and Jeska ended up dating, still are dating, and have a little vinnie! Hell, Lauren and I even lived together for a while. After her and Dan had a baby and after Dan and I got really close... were not anymore. I miss Slapjack, she lives in LA now. I pretty much still talk to everyone who was ever mentioned, and so many new people. My dreams and goals and morals and standards and ideas have changed a million times. I'm sure they will keep changing. After all, "the only thing constant is change."
I could not help but laugh at myself when reading old posts, about hating guys and about music and shows. Well guys still suck, I still like music, things are just different. Boys don't write songs about me anymore ( as far as I know), I dont go to 5 shows a week anymore. HOWEVER I have met a boy who drives me absolutely crazy!! (OK OK yes he is in a band, so shoot me... I don't know how many times in how many posts I have said, "I'm staying away from boys in bands from now on!!!" c'mon things cant change that much!) His name is Ryan and he makes me an emotional mess. Sometimes I can't stand him and sometimes he is the best, but all the time I love him in a way I have never loved anyone else in my life. Dont get me wrong we have had a lot of things that had to be worked thru and im sure we have many more. But something that has changed since 4 years ago is that now I know problems can be worked through in one way or another. You don't have to jump straight to hating life.
It is impossible to hate life when you have an amazing son, especially a miracle baby who goes by the name of Raiden Phoenix. He was born 3 months premature and weighed a whopping 2 pounds 13 oz. Today he is huge and happy and very healthy, He will be one year old on June 6. So excited. This kid has been through so much and he is not even a year old. It is insane. He looks up to me but even at 15 inches tall I couldn't help but look up to him for being such a fighter. He is my true love, the man of my dreams!
I am now working at the gym in the sears tower and living by midway air port. I am going to try to update my journal like I used to. I think it will be good for me. I need to make sure I keep order in my life and writing helps me realize what needs to be changed and helps me focus on what I want and need out of life.
I could not help but laugh at myself when reading old posts, about hating guys and about music and shows. Well guys still suck, I still like music, things are just different. Boys don't write songs about me anymore ( as far as I know), I dont go to 5 shows a week anymore. HOWEVER I have met a boy who drives me absolutely crazy!! (OK OK yes he is in a band, so shoot me... I don't know how many times in how many posts I have said, "I'm staying away from boys in bands from now on!!!" c'mon things cant change that much!) His name is Ryan and he makes me an emotional mess. Sometimes I can't stand him and sometimes he is the best, but all the time I love him in a way I have never loved anyone else in my life. Dont get me wrong we have had a lot of things that had to be worked thru and im sure we have many more. But something that has changed since 4 years ago is that now I know problems can be worked through in one way or another. You don't have to jump straight to hating life.
It is impossible to hate life when you have an amazing son, especially a miracle baby who goes by the name of Raiden Phoenix. He was born 3 months premature and weighed a whopping 2 pounds 13 oz. Today he is huge and happy and very healthy, He will be one year old on June 6. So excited. This kid has been through so much and he is not even a year old. It is insane. He looks up to me but even at 15 inches tall I couldn't help but look up to him for being such a fighter. He is my true love, the man of my dreams!
I am now working at the gym in the sears tower and living by midway air port. I am going to try to update my journal like I used to. I think it will be good for me. I need to make sure I keep order in my life and writing helps me realize what needs to be changed and helps me focus on what I want and need out of life.