contimplation in the 3rd degree
last night i did a lot of thinking and reflecting. i thought about why it is i make time for my friends but not my family. and well, i came to the conclusion that i need to be accepted for who i am and the decisions i make. my freinds do just that. and in the past few months i have lost many friends, it really makes me sad to think about, but that's life i suppose. but what i gained is much more important. i gained self respect and pride from being accepted by the people i adore and love and appreciate. my dad and the family don't take me for me, i can't be myself around them. i love my dad and that side of the family to death, but i've been going through a lot this past year and i need exactly what my friends give me; a constant reassurance that it is alright to be myself, i'm not a half bad guy. that's what i love about tony's family. i am not even a member of that family, yet they treat me as if i were and as if i am just as good as them. they're great people and i really like being around them. and then there's nick who is totally my friend and accepts me for who and what i am with no regrets. i really appreciate that. then of couse there's cody's parents and cody who themselves have told me i am a second son to them (which reminds me i need to call them SOON). and of course zac and rachael. i've been friends with zac, and i have been friends with rachael. but to be friends with zac AND rachael is a really good and wonderful thing. i apprecite them listening to my moans and groans of life and alloweing me to just kick it with them. i really appreciate you 2 so much, you got no idea! a lot certianly has changed in a year......... wow, but it's been changes that have been for the best i think, because i am really happy with my life right now, and i really don't think my happiness would be possible if it weren't for the people who make me smile.