...shit.
I had a moment of weakness today...SERIOUS weakness. I don't know why...because I'm usually good at keeping up the game face...and being strong when I'm needed. I panicked.
I haven't done that in a while.
I just got scared...and I even cried at work. Something I hate doing. I feel a bit silly about that part...but...my worries were genuine.
Jenn had to go to the ER tonight. Her heart rate was irregular and she was having chest pain. Has been for a few days now. I know she's stressed out and I think that's where some of it's coming from. That and she's sick. My fault there...I ended up sick...and I passed it around the house. Everybody is now. But there's always that faint little shadow I keep in the back of my mind. I know she'll probably be alright...she just needs to work on making it to her appointments and taking better care of herself...but I always have that little shadow in my mind...and every now and then...it cripples me.
Like tonight.
Anxiety and depression don't mix well I'll tell you what. But no...I'm passed that...seriously. I just had a bad moment. Writing it down here helps. I can reason with myself...make myself see how silly I've been and maybe even laugh at myself a little.
She's coming home now supposedly. Jon texted me on the cell phone...so with any luck...I'll see her soon.
Hopefully I don't cry like a silly idiot.
I love you Jenn. I'm here for you no matter what happens. I would do anything in the world for you...I would even give my life up for you...and my place in wherever we go after we die. This is how I feel...strongly. Ignore my silly rattlings upstage there. I just had a moment.
But I love you and that gets me through.
I haven't done that in a while.
I just got scared...and I even cried at work. Something I hate doing. I feel a bit silly about that part...but...my worries were genuine.
Jenn had to go to the ER tonight. Her heart rate was irregular and she was having chest pain. Has been for a few days now. I know she's stressed out and I think that's where some of it's coming from. That and she's sick. My fault there...I ended up sick...and I passed it around the house. Everybody is now. But there's always that faint little shadow I keep in the back of my mind. I know she'll probably be alright...she just needs to work on making it to her appointments and taking better care of herself...but I always have that little shadow in my mind...and every now and then...it cripples me.
Like tonight.
Anxiety and depression don't mix well I'll tell you what. But no...I'm passed that...seriously. I just had a bad moment. Writing it down here helps. I can reason with myself...make myself see how silly I've been and maybe even laugh at myself a little.
She's coming home now supposedly. Jon texted me on the cell phone...so with any luck...I'll see her soon.
Hopefully I don't cry like a silly idiot.
I love you Jenn. I'm here for you no matter what happens. I would do anything in the world for you...I would even give my life up for you...and my place in wherever we go after we die. This is how I feel...strongly. Ignore my silly rattlings upstage there. I just had a moment.
But I love you and that gets me through.