I am a meat popsicle
My 21st birthday is next week, and I'm apprehensive about it.
You may think "Peter, There's nothing to worry about...it takes at least 20 drinks for a person of your size to damage thier brain permanently."
That's not the problem.
I'm going to become a legal adult...not the sort of "Gee, you're 18, so we sort've trust you to decide for yourself" adult, but the kind able to gamble, drink, and get put in the bad prison. The kind where the perfect birthday present is a new vaccum cleaner. The kind that croaks and you don't think "It's a shame he died so young", but "It could happen to me."
Next Thursday, I'll wake up and still be worried and anxious. I'll still be wondering if I my paycheck can meet the rent. I wonder if I'll even have a paycheck coming at all. I've got 10 pounds of potatoes at my house, and close to 30 packages of ramen, but I'm not sure if I'll have electricity to heat it.
I could drown my troubles in hootch. Problem is, I can't afford it. Literally. The small wad of bills they have stored at the bank can mostly cover rent and electricity that's due Febuary 1st, but I'm not sure if I can buy a half-gallon milk as well.
Even if booze could be purchased, where would I drink? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that I only have two friends that are currently 21+ (Chris and Crystal, in case you wanted to know). In a foreign place, it seems like it's just as bad as sitting by myself at home. And don't get me started on parties...I end up going home more separated from people then when I showed up.
Anyway, the biggest thing here that sort've frightens me is this. What if I wake up Thursday, and there's no birthday donuts, or cards in the mailbox, or well-wishers? I already know that I'm not getting anything significant from my parents. They gave me the loan. People at school? I'm already a ghost to them. There's someone in town to see me, and I'm not sure I want to spend the whole week with her...I'm confused about what to even talk about with her.
All right...I'm done. I'll LJ-cut this so that others don't HAVE to read my complaining...goodnight.