Concom chairs: care and feeding
Welcome to the delightful world of concom chair ownership! With proper care and attention, your chair will give you hours of endless enjoyment for many years to come. Be sure to follow these rules. Your chair is a natural product; any markings or irregularities are unique and enhance its natural beauty. Warranty void if sticker removed. Do not remove cover. There are no user-servicable parts inside.
1. Communicate with your chair regularly. Chairs whither and die (or explode) if not talked to regularly. Keep your chair informed about your activities. If you have no activity to report, not to worry - you can maintain the dialogue by informing your chair of this, instead. Include dates. Do not worry about over-feeding your chair with information - chairs have special pouches in their emails and can store concom information for many days at a time, coming back to it later as needed.
2. Inform your chair of absences. If you do not, your chair will fret at the lack of communication (see Rule 1) and start to whither. Advance notice and indication of time of return will keep your chair happy and comfortable.
3. Do not feed after midnight.
4. Carry out your assigned tasks. Chairs are creatures of habit, and will line their nests with lists and schedules and plans. Completing your tasks will help your chair build a proper nest of ticked-off items. Undone items fester, and the nest unravels.
5. Do not cross the streams.
6. Take responsibility for delays and mistakes. Chairs are used to life intruding unexpectedly, and can repair and re-weave schedules where they no longer fit, but a fraying thread, never quite complete or long enough, damages the whole. Everyone forgets something, sometimes, and chairs by nature will resort to plans and schedules and remind you of your omission (and it gives them something with which to occupy their time). It helps the chair if you admit your forgetfulness and move on. If you cannot complete your task, ask for help. The chair will find additional resources, or reallocate tasks as needed. Chairs are happy to do this, as it saves the chair from fretting about whether the chair need intervene, and chairs are never happy when doing so.
7. Do not exceed 88mph.
8. Be proactive. Don't wait until prompted to complete your tasks. Carry them out before your deadlines, and be clear when they're done. When you do this often, the chair may begin to preen or purr. This is quite normal, and indicates a happy chair. (Particularly happy chairs may start to sing; unfortunately, there is no way of stopping this.)
9. Be clear in your communications. When asked questions, give full answers, with as little ambiguity as possible. Do not just answer the convenient parts and ignore the rest. Casual, vague answers will upset your chair, which will then start digging and burrowing for more detail, in case something remains undone. Chairs do not like ambiguity - it interferes with the neat ticks in the nest, and leads to incomplete tasks sprouting unexpectedly out of season.
10. This means you. This is your chair. There are many others like it, but this one is yours. The chair may belong to others too, but it is still your chair, and your responsibility. When the chair speaks, do not assume that the chair is speaking to someone else, and that you may safely ignore it - see Rule 1. Do not wait to see whether someone else is responding. Do not wait until tomorrow. Respond today, as appropriate.
And that's it. Simple rules, for a happy, healthy chair, which will be with you for many years to come. And we're sorry about the singing.
1. Communicate with your chair regularly. Chairs whither and die (or explode) if not talked to regularly. Keep your chair informed about your activities. If you have no activity to report, not to worry - you can maintain the dialogue by informing your chair of this, instead. Include dates. Do not worry about over-feeding your chair with information - chairs have special pouches in their emails and can store concom information for many days at a time, coming back to it later as needed.
2. Inform your chair of absences. If you do not, your chair will fret at the lack of communication (see Rule 1) and start to whither. Advance notice and indication of time of return will keep your chair happy and comfortable.
3. Do not feed after midnight.
4. Carry out your assigned tasks. Chairs are creatures of habit, and will line their nests with lists and schedules and plans. Completing your tasks will help your chair build a proper nest of ticked-off items. Undone items fester, and the nest unravels.
5. Do not cross the streams.
6. Take responsibility for delays and mistakes. Chairs are used to life intruding unexpectedly, and can repair and re-weave schedules where they no longer fit, but a fraying thread, never quite complete or long enough, damages the whole. Everyone forgets something, sometimes, and chairs by nature will resort to plans and schedules and remind you of your omission (and it gives them something with which to occupy their time). It helps the chair if you admit your forgetfulness and move on. If you cannot complete your task, ask for help. The chair will find additional resources, or reallocate tasks as needed. Chairs are happy to do this, as it saves the chair from fretting about whether the chair need intervene, and chairs are never happy when doing so.
7. Do not exceed 88mph.
8. Be proactive. Don't wait until prompted to complete your tasks. Carry them out before your deadlines, and be clear when they're done. When you do this often, the chair may begin to preen or purr. This is quite normal, and indicates a happy chair. (Particularly happy chairs may start to sing; unfortunately, there is no way of stopping this.)
9. Be clear in your communications. When asked questions, give full answers, with as little ambiguity as possible. Do not just answer the convenient parts and ignore the rest. Casual, vague answers will upset your chair, which will then start digging and burrowing for more detail, in case something remains undone. Chairs do not like ambiguity - it interferes with the neat ticks in the nest, and leads to incomplete tasks sprouting unexpectedly out of season.
10. This means you. This is your chair. There are many others like it, but this one is yours. The chair may belong to others too, but it is still your chair, and your responsibility. When the chair speaks, do not assume that the chair is speaking to someone else, and that you may safely ignore it - see Rule 1. Do not wait to see whether someone else is responding. Do not wait until tomorrow. Respond today, as appropriate.
And that's it. Simple rules, for a happy, healthy chair, which will be with you for many years to come. And we're sorry about the singing.