A belated response, I'm afraid

Dec 16, 2005 15:06

Daniel
It's just, you've kinda been overwhelming me lately. I really really like having you as my friend, but I feel the pressure from you wanting more. Its a bit much for me. Can you understand? It's not that I dont appreciate you caring about me, I really do. But its just not what I need from you to tell me how to live my life, and which church I should attend. You dont know anything about my church, and I find it a bit insulting that you assume you know more than I do about what is good for me and what isnt. Don't preach to me, it only makes me resent it.

"The existance you show others in merely the surface to your real self, inside you're totally different and you can't ignore it forever, I only hope the words you read here will somehow do something for you in life. Small hope but its hope nonetheless."

I hate to hurt you, but maybe, considering that the other people in my journal have known me a lot longer than you have, you are the one that is only seeing the surface, and the me that is inside is different than what you want to see.

I'm a shallow person. As much as I try to deny my obsession with appearances, I worry very much how other people perceive me, it's very much a part of my self-esteem issue, but that's not what I'm talking about right now. When I liked you as a crush, I tried to mold myself into what you said was your idea of dating material so I appeared more desirable to you. This may be hard for you to accept, but I am not the person I presented to you. I am a different person depending on what situation I am in, I am very much a creature of my surroundings.

After reading this, if you dont want to have anything to do with me anymore, thats up to you. I like you, as a friend, and I'm afraid that because of our very basic differences in our outlooks on life, and where our priorities in our lives lie, we will never be able to be anything more than friends. If you cannot accept that, I'm going to have to sever our ties, for it's not healthy to cling desperately to a relationship that wont change. I know, because I do, and it hurts to love somebody who doesnt love you the same way.

If this is the last thing you ever read/hear from me, I hope you have a happy life, and find a girl who will grow to be the woman you need, because I will never be that person. I'm sorry.
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