tell me, everything you ever want me to be...forever with you...ever with me.....
I'm just gonna put it out there...lately things with me have been a little...how you say? oh yea. fucked up.
Honestly, ive become a slacker. I'm late for every class, ive started drinking before class to try and take the edge off so that well, mabye i can actually produce some kind of respectable artwork that people can be like, wow thats pretty good. Not that i don't get that now, but i mean, sometimes i question what the fuck my purpose is at this point in my life. I honestly don't know what i want, except for summer to come.
I don;t see myself in 5 years doing art and that scares me.
If this is going to be my career, why am i taking it with such leniency?
Tomorrow i have a long day off and it's gonna be some good thinking time i hope. i need something to make me figure out, what to do.
As if becoming a saucer of the jack daniels in a coffee before class isn't enough. my relationship status is just as fucked.
the good news is ive taken baby steps gradually the past 5 months but i took my first giant leap the other day in doing something i should have done awhile ago. It's weird. saw her. nothing. literally. nothing. i used to get that nervous butterfly thing whenever i saw her before but now, nothing. it's like, cold turkey.
but with one leaving, one enters the limelight. well, shes been there all along. it's the equivelant of the kid who sat in the middle row that was smart but rarely called on. I'm developing feelings for her throughout this whole thing, and i don't now where its going but i know i have to face it head on or im gonna just have a repeat of the last 4 years and i definitely do not want that. It's just...something. i mean, there were jokes before, but never really anything solid for a foundation to develop like this. if it's a crush, so be it. but shes such a nice girl and i really want more and more everytime we talk. sure she has her moments but thats what is so great about her. i just wish i wasn't so self conscious that i couldnt be like, "hi so n so. listen. ive wanted to tell you this before but i never could. i really really like you very much and i was wondering if you would like to go out with me this weekend for coffee or something. mabye lunch." I don't know its so easy to type and plan out in my head, but when i go to articulate it into sentences and pronounce the words, i freeze. i don't know if thats love ore just pure stupidity on my part.
one thing is for sure. i have to clean up my act before i try anything.
lotsa sleep. bye booze. by school, hello summer!
Honestly, ive become a slacker. I'm late for every class, ive started drinking before class to try and take the edge off so that well, mabye i can actually produce some kind of respectable artwork that people can be like, wow thats pretty good. Not that i don't get that now, but i mean, sometimes i question what the fuck my purpose is at this point in my life. I honestly don't know what i want, except for summer to come.
I don;t see myself in 5 years doing art and that scares me.
If this is going to be my career, why am i taking it with such leniency?
Tomorrow i have a long day off and it's gonna be some good thinking time i hope. i need something to make me figure out, what to do.
As if becoming a saucer of the jack daniels in a coffee before class isn't enough. my relationship status is just as fucked.
the good news is ive taken baby steps gradually the past 5 months but i took my first giant leap the other day in doing something i should have done awhile ago. It's weird. saw her. nothing. literally. nothing. i used to get that nervous butterfly thing whenever i saw her before but now, nothing. it's like, cold turkey.
but with one leaving, one enters the limelight. well, shes been there all along. it's the equivelant of the kid who sat in the middle row that was smart but rarely called on. I'm developing feelings for her throughout this whole thing, and i don't now where its going but i know i have to face it head on or im gonna just have a repeat of the last 4 years and i definitely do not want that. It's just...something. i mean, there were jokes before, but never really anything solid for a foundation to develop like this. if it's a crush, so be it. but shes such a nice girl and i really want more and more everytime we talk. sure she has her moments but thats what is so great about her. i just wish i wasn't so self conscious that i couldnt be like, "hi so n so. listen. ive wanted to tell you this before but i never could. i really really like you very much and i was wondering if you would like to go out with me this weekend for coffee or something. mabye lunch." I don't know its so easy to type and plan out in my head, but when i go to articulate it into sentences and pronounce the words, i freeze. i don't know if thats love ore just pure stupidity on my part.
one thing is for sure. i have to clean up my act before i try anything.
lotsa sleep. bye booze. by school, hello summer!