Hope.
I went to Ikebukuro today to have yet another delicious dinner where I'm so embarrassed eating that I still stare at my hands the whole time, but maybe after a few more times I'll get used to it.
I'm also looking forward to sharing the cake I ordered with the ladies and gentlemen in the office at school tomorrow, just because they were so happy the last time I brought them cake; and this one is really special, so hopefully they'll be even more happy.
While I was out, I popped in to Brand X (a visual kei/indies shop) because I had never been there before. Not realizing that heidi. had a new single out, I decided to get it there because of the extras...might as well get extras if you're going to spring for a single, anyway.
As I was looking for it, I look up, and obscured by a shelf, up on the wall--
A board signed by all the members of Janne Da Arc...in 1998. I couldn't see a lot of it, because it was unfortunately obscured by the shelving (what are you guys doing, come on), but yasu had drawn a dragon on it, and he still wrote his name in hiragana instead of romaji back then. Maybe he was still getting used to writing "Janne Da Arc", too, because his letters, while obviously his, weren't as polished as they are now; like if you decide what your signature is, and it always looks mostly the same after a while.
After reflecting on that for a bit, and bitching that I wished that it was in a better location, a huge group of boys clearly in a visual kei band came running down the stairs, chatting with the guy in charge of the shop...exchanging otsukaresamas and that kind of thing.
I watched them for a few minutes, talking, then decided to get up my nerve and step in the way so that I could make my purchase and head out.
Looking at them, though, with their eyes full of hope and smiles on their faces, left me oddly moved.
Certainly, Janne is up on this wall...so all of them must have stood in the same spot I stood tonight, with that same hope in their eyes.
Of course, for every one on that wall, there are 20 more who didn't make it, who aren't and won't be up on that wall, who aren't on the shelves anymore.
But, Janne, though...even though I wasn't even close to being here 12 years ago, when they signed that board, thinking about what they must have looked like at that time gives me the warm fuzzies. After all, the past becomes either a specter of horrible things that have been, or the idyllic paradise of youth and the dreams that follow.
Admittedly, yasu being my favorite, I think of that smile first, and I get to desperately wanting to see it again.
I'm so lucky, I think, that it's just a matter of time for me. I can count down the days until I see it with my own eyes, right in front of me. I get to prepare for something more than the someday that I was looking toward not even a year ago.
Mmm, anyway.
I wonder if it'd be so bad for my dreams to always stay the same until they come true?
I'm also looking forward to sharing the cake I ordered with the ladies and gentlemen in the office at school tomorrow, just because they were so happy the last time I brought them cake; and this one is really special, so hopefully they'll be even more happy.
While I was out, I popped in to Brand X (a visual kei/indies shop) because I had never been there before. Not realizing that heidi. had a new single out, I decided to get it there because of the extras...might as well get extras if you're going to spring for a single, anyway.
As I was looking for it, I look up, and obscured by a shelf, up on the wall--
A board signed by all the members of Janne Da Arc...in 1998. I couldn't see a lot of it, because it was unfortunately obscured by the shelving (what are you guys doing, come on), but yasu had drawn a dragon on it, and he still wrote his name in hiragana instead of romaji back then. Maybe he was still getting used to writing "Janne Da Arc", too, because his letters, while obviously his, weren't as polished as they are now; like if you decide what your signature is, and it always looks mostly the same after a while.
After reflecting on that for a bit, and bitching that I wished that it was in a better location, a huge group of boys clearly in a visual kei band came running down the stairs, chatting with the guy in charge of the shop...exchanging otsukaresamas and that kind of thing.
I watched them for a few minutes, talking, then decided to get up my nerve and step in the way so that I could make my purchase and head out.
Looking at them, though, with their eyes full of hope and smiles on their faces, left me oddly moved.
Certainly, Janne is up on this wall...so all of them must have stood in the same spot I stood tonight, with that same hope in their eyes.
Of course, for every one on that wall, there are 20 more who didn't make it, who aren't and won't be up on that wall, who aren't on the shelves anymore.
But, Janne, though...even though I wasn't even close to being here 12 years ago, when they signed that board, thinking about what they must have looked like at that time gives me the warm fuzzies. After all, the past becomes either a specter of horrible things that have been, or the idyllic paradise of youth and the dreams that follow.
Admittedly, yasu being my favorite, I think of that smile first, and I get to desperately wanting to see it again.
I'm so lucky, I think, that it's just a matter of time for me. I can count down the days until I see it with my own eyes, right in front of me. I get to prepare for something more than the someday that I was looking toward not even a year ago.
Mmm, anyway.
I wonder if it'd be so bad for my dreams to always stay the same until they come true?