Hi everyone!
I was just poking around here and realized I haven't updated this thing since August, Jesus Christ. Not that anyone else is here, I just want to point out that even though I don't post, I do check this thing weekly.
Basically, my life has been my job, and I don't really like talking about it outside of work deliberately because it is SO MUCH of my life--to the point where I find it hard to interact with people unless we have amazing relationships (like Mark is back in Japan for a while, and when we went to Artnia (the Square-Enix Cafe in Higashi-Shinjuku), we had a wonderful time that I desperately needed).
What I'm trying to say, I suppose, is that I excel at being a Japanese Salaryman and very little else. 14 hour days, convenience store meals, too tired to do anything but sleep on the weekends...hello, that's me. As the year is coming to a close, Goodreads is reminding me of how shit I've done on my reading goal this year, and I suppose that's kind of the thing that makes me feel like I have no personality anymore and it bothers me. I'm sure I said this at the end of last year, too, when I felt my sanity slipping away from me, but you know...we just have to deal with it, and do what needs to be done to support ourselves.
Also, still better than teaching. At least I don't get treated outright like I'm ignorant all the time (though I do have some issues with individual co-workers when it comes to that, or the special selective hearing you get when they tell you they don't understand your Japanese when in reality you know damn well it's because they don't want to deal with what you're telling them). I am starting to see why people only stay in the company for an average of two years, though--if it weren't for my intense dislike of turning pleasure into work, I would try to live the dream and apply with Square-Enix. Perhaps someday I will, if there comes a day that I feel more comfortable with my abilities, but as it is it looks like I'll be peddling smut for a little while longer (even though my company does not want to admit that is what it is).
The other part is although it totally means that we are hurtling toward our doom, I don't mind that winter has been warmer...but I do mind that it's still all dark and dreary and I get a grand total of five days off for both Christmas and New Year (two of those being Saturday and Sunday, days I would get off anyway; and the additional one because I am taking it in exchange for a Saturday I worked earlier in the month). I've always hated winter in Japan though; there's no warmth in it, just drudgery and the addition of the constant reminder that those who do not have dates for the huge romantic holiday that Christmas is here have their families for New Year. For someone who has neither (or, rather, no ability to see them because they're busy with their own celebrations without you) it can be pretty galling. I'll probably appreciate only having a few days to sit around in my house and cry this year (I gather--though I may end up killing one of my co-workers and stuffing his remains in his desk drawers at the end of this).
At least I'm no longer in a job that requires me to act happy all the goddamned time, because I know I would get myself fired if I had to do that this year!
So, yeah, happy holidays, everyone. I might be back on my time off, but who knows.
Basically, my life has been my job, and I don't really like talking about it outside of work deliberately because it is SO MUCH of my life--to the point where I find it hard to interact with people unless we have amazing relationships (like Mark is back in Japan for a while, and when we went to Artnia (the Square-Enix Cafe in Higashi-Shinjuku), we had a wonderful time that I desperately needed).
What I'm trying to say, I suppose, is that I excel at being a Japanese Salaryman and very little else. 14 hour days, convenience store meals, too tired to do anything but sleep on the weekends...hello, that's me. As the year is coming to a close, Goodreads is reminding me of how shit I've done on my reading goal this year, and I suppose that's kind of the thing that makes me feel like I have no personality anymore and it bothers me. I'm sure I said this at the end of last year, too, when I felt my sanity slipping away from me, but you know...we just have to deal with it, and do what needs to be done to support ourselves.
Also, still better than teaching. At least I don't get treated outright like I'm ignorant all the time (though I do have some issues with individual co-workers when it comes to that, or the special selective hearing you get when they tell you they don't understand your Japanese when in reality you know damn well it's because they don't want to deal with what you're telling them). I am starting to see why people only stay in the company for an average of two years, though--if it weren't for my intense dislike of turning pleasure into work, I would try to live the dream and apply with Square-Enix. Perhaps someday I will, if there comes a day that I feel more comfortable with my abilities, but as it is it looks like I'll be peddling smut for a little while longer (even though my company does not want to admit that is what it is).
The other part is although it totally means that we are hurtling toward our doom, I don't mind that winter has been warmer...but I do mind that it's still all dark and dreary and I get a grand total of five days off for both Christmas and New Year (two of those being Saturday and Sunday, days I would get off anyway; and the additional one because I am taking it in exchange for a Saturday I worked earlier in the month). I've always hated winter in Japan though; there's no warmth in it, just drudgery and the addition of the constant reminder that those who do not have dates for the huge romantic holiday that Christmas is here have their families for New Year. For someone who has neither (or, rather, no ability to see them because they're busy with their own celebrations without you) it can be pretty galling. I'll probably appreciate only having a few days to sit around in my house and cry this year (I gather--though I may end up killing one of my co-workers and stuffing his remains in his desk drawers at the end of this).
At least I'm no longer in a job that requires me to act happy all the goddamned time, because I know I would get myself fired if I had to do that this year!
So, yeah, happy holidays, everyone. I might be back on my time off, but who knows.