I'll miss you, Crouton!
I made the crucial decision today to put Kenji to sleep. His chronic pain has been eating away at the both of us since January when he started exhibiting signs of stomatitis. He was diagnosed about a month or two later.
I got him at a local shelter about two years ago, a couple months after I moved into my own apartment. He's been my only constant companion here since, and it hurts so much to see him go. I've gone through terrible bouts of guilt that somehow I wasn't doing enough for him, despite the fact that I've spent over a thousand dollars on vet bills since January. I've also been struggling with the fact that making this decision would mean that I was being selfish. I know now that I've done much more than most people would do in the face of this disease, and on the off chance that a foster family would be willing to take him in and provide all the money that he needs for veterinary bills, it still doesn't mean that he'd be cured and happy.
This past month or so has been especially terrible in some ways, because he started getting belligerent about taking any of his medication. I eventually had to start crushing them up, adding the powder to some water, and giving them to him via syringe in the mouth. And even that's not been working very well lately. Whenever I approach him, it always looks like he's afraid I'll give him his medicine. And sadly, those moments are about the only times he'll ever let me give him any physical contact, and that's just because it's by force. Oftentimes when I do try to pet him, he'll make this awful gagging motion and get away from me. I started thinking he was beginning to give up about a month ago; now I think I was right.
I'll have the Chibi around to keep me company when he's gone, but he'll always be my baby. I loved him even when he was a rotten little kitten (and boy was he ever). I'm gonna miss you so much!
~ With much love to Kenji "The Crouton" Angelotti
I got him at a local shelter about two years ago, a couple months after I moved into my own apartment. He's been my only constant companion here since, and it hurts so much to see him go. I've gone through terrible bouts of guilt that somehow I wasn't doing enough for him, despite the fact that I've spent over a thousand dollars on vet bills since January. I've also been struggling with the fact that making this decision would mean that I was being selfish. I know now that I've done much more than most people would do in the face of this disease, and on the off chance that a foster family would be willing to take him in and provide all the money that he needs for veterinary bills, it still doesn't mean that he'd be cured and happy.
This past month or so has been especially terrible in some ways, because he started getting belligerent about taking any of his medication. I eventually had to start crushing them up, adding the powder to some water, and giving them to him via syringe in the mouth. And even that's not been working very well lately. Whenever I approach him, it always looks like he's afraid I'll give him his medicine. And sadly, those moments are about the only times he'll ever let me give him any physical contact, and that's just because it's by force. Oftentimes when I do try to pet him, he'll make this awful gagging motion and get away from me. I started thinking he was beginning to give up about a month ago; now I think I was right.
I'll have the Chibi around to keep me company when he's gone, but he'll always be my baby. I loved him even when he was a rotten little kitten (and boy was he ever). I'm gonna miss you so much!
~ With much love to Kenji "The Crouton" Angelotti