my favourite place was me and you: chapter 6

[kikis2]

 Title: my favourite place was me and you
Author: Kiki
Fandom: Glee
Pairing/Character(s): Puck/Rachel/Santana, Rachel/OMC undertones
Rating: M 
Word count: 3934
Spoilers: None, futurefic
Summary: Rachel is forced to leave the spotlight and return home to face the people she sold for her dream.
Disclaimer. None of this is mine.

Comments

[fall_into_life]

I still really like this piece. I think you've done an excellent job keeping the original Gleeks in character (even though they've been pushed so far into the future), and although I can't really see Puck as an architect, I keep reminding myself that I can't really see him as anything but a delinquent (he's better than that, but hell if he knows it), and of everything "respectable" he could get up to, it's hardly the least likely profession. Also, I love how Santana is still a huge bitch, but because everyone is used to her, it lessens the impact, and Rachel is still overdramatic, but same thing applies.

Also, because I do enjoy this fic, I'll point out a few Britisms. "Cheque" would be "check" for us (kind of interesting how Britisms are often just a few letters away from their American counterparts, no?); if "physio" is where you work on an injured limb's muscles in order to help with healing, it would be "physical therapy" (imo, this one is probably the most important British difference, because I have a fairly nice vocabulary for an American, and I had no initial idea what "physio" meant), and just so you know, "discrete" is a branch of mathematics and "discreet" is the word I would normally put there. I have no idea if that's a case of the British word having a double-meaning the American word doesn't, but I thought I would mention it (half because I love Discrete).

The end scene where Puck and Santana hotbox Rachel initially bothered me, until I sat down and thought about it. Santana is a sneaky bitch (ex: everything with Brittany), Puck likes Santana's girl-on-girl activities, and Rachel is pretty open-minded. Rachel also likely has no tolerance for marijuana, and when you combine the three, you could easily get the above scene.

This fic has me asking a million mental questions and waiting for more.

[kikis2]

Ugh. Writing "check" literally hurt, but thank you for pointing out those errors. I can't stand reading over my own stuff and I swear homonyms are like my nemesis.

I couldn't think of anything for Puck either, but then I kind of imagined him sitting in class (for once) doodling to waste time in a notebook already filled with sketches of high-rises and abstract cities.

The end scene is a little cracky. Santana's role seemed easy, but the end line was supposed to convey that Puck saw something that made him nervous. I cut this bit about Rachel's fathers freaking out about Julian, one of them fretting that they raised her too liberal :p

(After your first comment, Julian has a British accent in my head, so I have to tell myself he was sent to boarding school to not get confused lol).

Thanks for commenting :)

[fall_into_life]

No problem! I'm just glad you're taking it so well.

The last line definitely got that across. I can't see any other reason Puck would deny himself watching his woman and another, undeniably gorgeous woman, making time.

Oh, I am flattered. I love that Julian now has a British accent in your headspace.