Tired.
My top word that been coming from my mouth lately. I guess I’ve said it so many times until it didn’t have any meaning to you at all anymore.
It’s been two years, I said I was sorry and you accept me back and you said it yourself that we will begin as a new start and forgiving each other’s mistake.
But you lied, you torture me in so many ways, you make me suffer. I was bleeding hard, crying for help, begging for your help.
But I’m still here, trusting you, trusting us with all my heart.
Call me stupid, tapi banyak sekali hal yang menjadi kelemahanku disini.
Kamu satu-satunya manusia yang pernah bersamaku, membuat aku tidak punya other people to compare (Is this what people called love? Is this relationship should be like?)
Kamu sudah bersamaku bertahun-tahun, membuat banyak hal baru dan banyak starting point on my life begin with you, membuat ini sulit untuk dilupakan.
Kamu sudah sangat mengenal keluarku, seluruhnya, membuatku merasa bersalah apabila we didn’t end up together (walau sebetulnya itu bukan hal yang salah, but you know I am a coward, stupid coward)
I love you so much until I let you keep hurting me like this.
This is so wrong.
You perfectly know, I have so little great memories as a child, I was suffering when I was a child, and I growth and getting matured sooner than teenagers on usual.
But you make me feel this shit again.
And it’s my fault, letting you having control on this all shit.
If I told you what I’ve been through, why put me through that again?
Not sure if this is love.
Not sure if this is called relationship.
I’m so tired.
I give up, on you and on us.
I’m so tired.
I love you.