Fanfiction Status Update
Wow, *dust off profile* it certainly had been a very long time since I've stepped foot here. Firstly, I apologise for readers who continue to read my work even though I've long since stopped updating them and had been AWOL for the longest of time. I owe all of you an apology and know that no matter what reason I give they will come across a excuses which I fully admit, they are.
For those who still want to know though, here they are:
Firstly: After the last chapters I had published online, I hit something - a terrible lack of confidence and considering it was never high to begin with, that's saying something. I realise that over the years on writing fanfics, I had gotten better in getting my ideas, thoughts and scenes across but in my latest chapters, I noticed that though I had improved in some ways, I had started to deteriorate in others - structure and descriptive writing. My sentences had became curt and the text is too dialogue oriented. It came to a point where I find myself desperately going through my own work trying to add things in but utterly failing to do so. I flailed so badly that I completely lost sight of what I could and could not do anymore. I lost all confidence in any new words I could put out. Chapters and paragraphs were scrapped in their entirety. So I did what I know would help me best. I took a step back before I could become too immerse in this state of writing and scrapping. One step led to another and I kept taking steps until I could finally look at my writing from afar again and only then will I be able to grasp what I'm missing and slowly work towards getting better again.
By the time I reached this point a second obstacle hit me: I'm completely out of the loop of the fandom. I'm behind. I haven't been catching up with the fandom and whilst it is perfectly fine to continue to write with what I know, my pride in my work cannot allow that. I can't bear the thought of writing anything as a character without knowing as much as I can about them. I must know what the character did in the anime, the sequel, the OVA, the mangas, everything... but I'm so behind that it's shameful to admit. I gave up and it felt like my dream collapsed all around me.
In general: Life happened. I finally got a full time job and also found a new distraction in life called Forum Based RP-ing. I made new friends through it, submerged myself into it so much that I cry, laugh and grow angry alongside the very characters I play - seriously, I went through rolls of tissues for some of the writing I did on it - an experience I never had before. I still stumbled, they helped me back up each time. I overthink, they snap me out of it. I was gently guided back to a path of confidence in writing - so gently and encouraging that I didn't even realise it as it's all fantastic fun. I still do not have very much confidence in my own writing but I have enough to climb back on my feet here once more.
To summarised: I did a lot of growing up. My new distraction, work and LIFE in general, it took all my time.
WHAT HAPPENS NOW?
Thank you for everybody who had continued to read my work. I cannot express enough thanks. There is not one week without an alert in my inbox telling me somebody followed my work. Thank you all readers who still take the time to read, reread and leave me such beautiful feedback. Without you, I wouldn't be here today and for you I will endeavour to finish what I have. I cannot promise frequent or consistent updates. I cannot promise anything at all. But I will try. If you have the patience, I thank you forever for it and am honoured that you stuck with me for so long. If you do not, I deeply apologise.
I am severely out and behind the fandom and fanfiction now. I use to be able to pick out and see the trends so clearly. I knew every story within the pairing and recognised all the names of the category's stories. I could write and aim for the niches I know would sell well with readers. I could predict what they want, what I can give and how to hit that balance without losing myself. Sadly, I am none of that now. I don't know the current trends in writing. I don't know any of the current stories. I don't know what you all favour now. I can only write what I am capable of, what I enjoy, what I want to write and what I could write. If these are no longer what you are looking for, I again apologise but this is all I am capable of.
For the time being, I could at least confirm the following:
I will definitely aim to COMPLETE Code Mermaid and Fairytale no matter how long it takes - please note that this could months or years.
The status of Ever & After and Would you like Sides with that would remain unconfirmed. In my own defence, they are built to be read like a story in each chapter - a collection of oneshots. Each chapter is constructed carefully to standalone on its own so each is an ending by themselves. A true story ending to end all chapters isn't a requirement. The reason for this would be because the character depth in these are far too high. I NEED to rewatched, watch and catch up on everything. I CANNOT just throw hide it behind an AU tag. I CANNOT accept writing the characters without knowing them inside and out. I do NOT have the confidence of that.
Brooke in Wonderland would remain unconfirmed as well because the required to invest in it is too immense and I simply do not have that kind of time available.
The likelihood of any new stories coming from me is currently very unlikely. If inspiration strikes, I might put my pen to paper and try again but if it doesn't, the completion of Code Mermaid and Fairytale might mark my retirement from fanfics for the time being (because we never know what the future has in store for us)
Contact: via PM or LiveJournal (anonymous comments had been enabled, no worries)