I say all of this with love because I want you to be so awesome, you outshine us all so I can bask in the light of your wonderment.
The good:
Hella' awesome! Excellent inks, as always. Nice use of the crosshatching for the shadows in panel 1 of the second page. All of the characters feel like they have weight and exist in the same world, which is very good. There's mass to these figures; they don't feel like they're floating.
What could be improved:
Good pacing, mostly, but what are they looking into? There's no establishing shot. When you showed me the pencils, I thought this was a design element, not a cut out. So I'm a little confused. They climb up on the table and look into something, but you never show us what it is. What might help this is if there were a panel of you putting the box on the table, but there isn't you're there and *poof* you're gone.
The lettering kind of runs in together or is spaced out weirdly (like in the word "upgrading") and the heights get weird because you were rushing. Don't rush your letters! It shows.
Do the darts hit anything? You have them flying, but you don't have them anywhere in the next panel. Payoff, luv. Payoff.
Seiki's head in the last panel of the first page in this set doesn't look right (is he covering his head with cloth?). I would flesh out some of the lines to be more hair like there because right now, my brain's a little confused.
Again, just constructive criticism. I'm not attacking, I want this to be the best it can be. If I were your editor, say for some comic website that has a good google rating, I would have the same notes. ;)
The darts are in the next panel... you're not looking hard enough. ^.~
That last page is pure crap. Both of us know that it's junk. So much in it is used as a 'stop-gap' that it isn't even funny. What happened was I got to the last page and went 'ZOMFGBBQ, MUST SHOVE THREE PAGES OF INFO INTO ONE!!!11!!' XD
So yeah... that one will get scrapped and replaced with a couple of more pages. ^^;;;;
The good:
Hella' awesome! Excellent inks, as always. Nice use of the crosshatching for the shadows in panel 1 of the second page. All of the characters feel like they have weight and exist in the same world, which is very good. There's mass to these figures; they don't feel like they're floating.
What could be improved:
Good pacing, mostly, but what are they looking into? There's no establishing shot. When you showed me the pencils, I thought this was a design element, not a cut out. So I'm a little confused. They climb up on the table and look into something, but you never show us what it is. What might help this is if there were a panel of you putting the box on the table, but there isn't you're there and *poof* you're gone.
The lettering kind of runs in together or is spaced out weirdly (like in the word "upgrading") and the heights get weird because you were rushing. Don't rush your letters! It shows.
Do the darts hit anything? You have them flying, but you don't have them anywhere in the next panel. Payoff, luv. Payoff.
Seiki's head in the last panel of the first page in this set doesn't look right (is he covering his head with cloth?). I would flesh out some of the lines to be more hair like there because right now, my brain's a little confused.
Again, just constructive criticism. I'm not attacking, I want this to be the best it can be. If I were your editor, say for some comic website that has a good google rating, I would have the same notes. ;)
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That last page is pure crap. Both of us know that it's junk. So much in it is used as a 'stop-gap' that it isn't even funny. What happened was I got to the last page and went 'ZOMFGBBQ, MUST SHOVE THREE PAGES OF INFO INTO ONE!!!11!!' XD
So yeah... that one will get scrapped and replaced with a couple of more pages. ^^;;;;
<3
-Kiki-chan78.
Reply
Oh...yeah. There they are.
Sure. Easy to find.
I would diffidently stretch out that last page.
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But yeah, this was more along the lines of not having time to finish what i want and forcing the story into the class project parameters.
<3
-Kiki-chan78
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