just close your eyes
Rating: NC-17
Length: 9440
Summary: Minseok and Luhan fall in love. But love has the strangest consequences, and theirs probably has the worst kind.
Warnings: angst
A/N: Originally posted here for theluminations!
[Long-ass note ahead - READ AT OWN RISK!!] Okay, this fic was the first fic fest that I signed up for (I did end up doing a couple of others before this got over) and I won't lie, this was a struggle which is very evident in the fic. I wrote and rewrote this so many times with minor and major changes that I was editing it right until I had to submit it. I'm not kidding, I have around 10 docs with titles ranging from 'xiuhan.docx' to 'thefic.docx' to 'THEFFFFFF.docx' orz;;. I used to write about 2k going with a particular set of ideas and then 2 days later think 'wtf is this' and then scrap it. And ultimately, my fic changed with each check-in and I submitted this, which is not even remotely connected to my check-ins lol. I had huuuuge ideas, which I realized the hard way that I couldn't write and do justice to, 569348 characters that I wanted to include, so maybe one day when I can improve a lot more, I can write a fic like that. That being said, I never really like what I write very much, I always feel like it can be a lot better (which is always true), but somehow this fic has a special place in my heart, idek why. Alright I'll stop rambling now, is anybody even reading this and I hope that if anybody is reading this, they can enjoy my mediocre writing \o/
When Luhan finds Minseok after his training with the other officers on the practice grounds, the sun has already set a long time ago, yet Minseok is still sitting on the bed in his room, not a single candle lit, shrouding him in darkness.
“Minseok?” Luhan calls out in the darkness because he can see a silhouette on the bed, and he has known him for enough years that he can make no mistake in identifying him. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
A stark silence is his only response. Luhan fumbles for the matches and lights a few candles around the room.
It is Minseok, and he’s perched on the bed, hands playing with something that is glinting even in the dim light. His face is drawn, pale and ashen, and the flickering light of the few candles casts strange shadows on his face.
He does not cast a glance at Luhan when he says, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
His voice has a steely edge, like he is forcing out the words, like they are threatening to drown him, like he is cloaking something else behind them, something that Luhan can detect with ironical ease because of how well he knows him, something that hurts to hear because he has done nothing of that sort.
Something like betrayal.
“What didn’t I tell you?” Luhan asks quietly, walking closer to the bed, closer to Minseok, and sits down lightly beside him.
“The council had a meeting today,” Minseok says, changing the subject but still speaking in that same voice that makes Luhan feel like he’s being told to walk on thorns, slowly and painfully. “It has been decided that the very day the Sun King dies, we will declare war and attack their kingdom, to take back what is rightfully ours.”
Luhan steels his heart. Wars are serious businesses and as an officer of the Royal Guard, he will be out there on the battlefield. But he is trained, possibly the best of his rank, and one of the best in the entire kingdom, second only to the to-be king, Minseok himself.
It doesn’t escape Luhan how Minseok says that it has been decided. Luhan gathers that Minseok is not in favour of this decision, but that is how things work in the Moon kingdom. Every decision is taken in consensus by the Council. Even the King himself cannot do much but lend his views to the matter, but ultimately, the resolution of the council is the final word that even the monarch must bend to.
It had been in similar circumstances that the Moons had waged war against the Suns the last time. Driven by greed and lust for more power and for dominating the universe, they had thoughtlessly engaged in a conniving battle that they had incited by assassinating the then Sun King. And then, while the Sun kingdom had been mourning the loss of their king, they had attacked them. Contrary to their expectations, however, the Suns had not been caught unaware and the Moons had failed miserably.
The War had cost the Moons their young King who had been recently wedded. The retribution of the Sun Kingdom had been terrible, and the entire universe had recoiled from the wrath of the Suns. The Moons had been cursed and stripped of their own light, and they had never adorned the night sky, shining bright the same way again. From that day onwards, life changed drastically and had turned a little dimmer on the Moon.
It had happened before Luhan had been born, but he has heard stories. Stories of the greatest warriors losing their lives over the inability of the Moons to retaliate against the powerful ambush of the Suns. Stories of how the Suns, in their rage, had branded the Moon with huge craters, for their beauty had been their pride and pride goes before a fall. Stories of how hard it had been for the Moons to revive themselves after their defeat. Stories of the Great War, as it was called thereafter, being the reason why life in the Moon Kingdom had changed so drastically: classes had been abolished, the power of the monarch had been stripped away and why in a way, the War had left them united and more tolerant of each other.
“And?” Luhan asks cautiously, because although this is huge news, it does not warrant Minseok's behavior to him.
Minseok takes a deep breath, still avoiding Luhan's eyes, but it’s shaky. His hands are trembling around whatever he has grasped, and his palms are sweaty, but he powers on emotionlessly. “The Sun Kingdom has confirmed the rumor about their Queen having a child out of wedlock by the boon of the High Priest.”
Luhan has heard of that. According to hearsay, the Queen had been gifted with a blessing when she had come of age. The gift had been to bear a child of the Sun God, to be used once she was married. But they say the queen was had a most inquisitive and child-like mind and out of her curiosity, had used the gift before she had been married and had found herself with child. No one knew of its existence, and what she did with the child then. Some say she had been locked in a room until the child had been born and she killed it by flinging it off the tallest tower-room. Some say she fled to Earth and birthed the child there. Some say the witches of the Suns murdered the child while it was inside her. While the non-imagining people had maintained that the incantation had not worked.
But now that it was true that the child exists, it makes him the rightful heir to the Sun throne, because the Queen did not have any other children.
“The Suns have sent out their spies and have ordered a search for the heir in every kingdom, although the Queen says that she birthed him on the soil of Earth. They say he and the queen have strikingly similar features. Have you ever seen the Sun Queen, Luhan?” Minseok asks suddenly, forcing himself to gaze at Luhan.
Luhan shakes his head, and swallows the knot caught in his throat. Why is his throat so dry?
Minseok is poring into Luhan's eyes now, and Luhan finds himself wishing that he had continued glaring holes into the carpet because his gaze is so piercing, so keen, as if he’s boring holes into his body.
(It’s not soft, like how it is just before Minseok places a chaste kiss on his lips after they lay sated and panting on the bed, entangled with each other although they’re sticky and sweaty. It’s not soft, like how it is when Minseok smiles at him because he loves that Luhan's pretty face is the first and last thing that he sees at the beginning and the end of a hard, long day. It’s not soft, like how it is when Minseok stares into his eyes with a smirk when they’re play-fighting, circling each other with wooden swords in their hands, gauging each other because they’re always serious even when it’s just a mock duel).
It’s not soft and Luhan finds himself afraid.
“It won’t be long before they reach the Moon,” Minseok continues. “Why didn’t you tell me, Luhan? Why did you lie? Why the secrets?”
And here, his voice cracks, and it’s hurt, almost pleading, but Luhan doesn’t know what to say because he has no idea what Minseok is talking about. They’ve known each other for years, they’ve grown up together, shared almost all of their experiences together, so what secrets could he possibly keep? What could he hide from Minseok, even if he wanted to? Minseok, who was his friend, his best friend, his lover, his love, the one whom he’d wish for to stay by his side all his life, the one whose side he’d wish to stay by all his life, so how can Minseok even think that-
His eyes catch on a glint reflected from whatever Minseok still has in his hands. The thing catches the muted light of the candles in the room and Luhan crouches closer, because what can possibly have the ability to shine so bright in such dull light?
And then, Luhan's heart thumps loudly in the quietness of the room and plummets to the bottom of his stomach when Minseok uncoils whatever he’s been holding in his hands and holds it up by the string. It swings like a pendulum, now glinting almost angrily, and Luhan can’t keep his eyes off it, his mouth agape, because he has no idea how Minseok found that.
The amulet. His Sun amulet.
There isn’t a lot that Luhan remembers of his time on Earth, because he had only been ten when they had moved to the Moon, and ten years as a kid isn’t a lot to make memories, but he had a few. He remembers their house, a quaint little cottage by the side of the river, with their sprawling fields reduced to small fragments because rain hadn’t been good that year, or the year before, or the year before that. His parents had been on the older side of life when they had taken him in, and hadn’t been able to manage the farm when the drought had hit. The river was perennial, but their strength was not, and they had managed to salvage what they could of the farm, but it had not been enough.
What Luhan remembers most vividly are the sunflowers, the huge, vibrant sunflowers that he had been placed among as a new-born, in an open wooden box, and set afloat a river by someone, his birth mother, who had obviously wanted nothing to do with him. They had been his bed, for the woman had evidently not expected him to survive, or perhaps had not even wanted him to survive.
And then, the dreams had started, or were they always there, Luhan doesn’t remember, but they were there and they still are. They show him flashes of a face, a soft, teary face of a woman framed by brown locks, the same as his, eyes the darkest shade of brown that looked deep into his own similar ones, with a strong gaze as to commit his face to memory forever. The flashes are quick, sometimes even distorted, and sometimes Luhan even thinks that he hears her soft, lilting voice, because his ears are ringing with it when he jerks awake.
This is where his dreams turn into nightmares because one second he is lying among the soft sunflowers and the next moment they’re aflame, and the box he’s in is burning, and the river is also burning, but how is that possible, how can water burn, but it’s happening and Luhan cannot pause to think why or how because he can’t move, frozen in that spot, watching the flames lick closer and closer to his body. They engulf him whole, but he doesn’t burn and he doesn’t know why. There’s someone on the bank of the river, shouting and screaming for help, screaming for him to stop it because it was he who started it, he started the conflagration, but he has no idea how, so he has no idea how to end it.
It’s a different person every time, shrieking and wailing for him to just make it stop, Luhan, please! It burns, it burns so bad… Please, please! Before they moved to the Moon, it always used to be one of his parents, both on particularly bad nights, or occasionally one of the boys from the other farms he used to meet at the weekly market.
But his nightmares found better game when they moved to the Moon, because that is where he met Minseok.
Befriending Minseok was probably the easiest thing Luhan has done in his life, because Minseok had been the one to approach him first. He had been playing ball alone in a dark alley, bouncing it against the wall, waiting for his parents to finish work at the construction site adjacent. Suddenly, there had appeared a boy by his side, scaring the daylights out of him and poor Luhan, who had yet to get accustomed to the traditions on Moon, had bowed profusely when Minseok had introduced himself as the prince. Minseok had been stunned a little in silence because it was so out-of-date for people to bow before the royal family; the custom had been abolished on the Moon after the Great War.
But Luhan had been even more stunned to hear that he wanted to be friends with him. His ten-year-old brain had most helpfully advised him to just go with the flow and nod to whatever this prince said because was a prince and Luhan did not want to end up with his head on a pike. (The boy looked too nice to do that, although, he was sure those people standing at the mouth of the alley had daggers hidden somewhere).
And that is how he had ended up shaking a firm hand of a prince and agreeing to go to the palace the next day to play with him. It had been a most memorable first meeting.
They still laugh about it, Luhan's uncanny ability to sense the presence of Minseok or his mother and dip into a bow every time until it had been conditioned out of him by Minseok's constant chiding and his mother’s patient explanations that no, nobody would chop off his head or any of his limbs if he didn’t bow.
(“You know,” Minseok says, resting his back against the tree, as a cool breeze blows by. “I had to whine a lot to my mother that day to let me go out in the market and make friends.”
The palace gardens are mostly empty, just a stray gardener wandering around weeding the flower bushes.
Luhan grins up at Minseok, his head cradled on Minseok's lap and legs stretched out. They are supposed to be doing the reading assigned to them, but the weather had been too good pass up on.
”Did you use your puppy eyes?” he asks teasingly, scrunching his face in a very bad imitation.
”No, I used my crocodile tears with pout combination. Mother melted like fresh butter in front of a furnace. And straighten your face, a puppy will run leagues away if you do that to it.”
Luhan laughs and says, ”Oh, then did you do this?” teasingly, before convoluting his face into another bizarre expression that Minseok drives off by poking at his sides, tickling him. Their banter continues until Minseok sighs and says, “Sometimes I wonder why I met you of all the people in the capital city, when I ventured out to make friends. We’re as different as different can be.”
“We complement each other,” Luhan replies, smiling so dazzlingly that it seems like the sun is shining right on Minseok's face. “It’s fate. We’re meant to be together.”
The implications of those words are not lost on either of them and it’s strange how they don’t find it strange, but Luhan makes no effort to correct himself. It makes Minseok feel warm inside, warm like he has never felt before and his heart flutters a bit against his ribs. He has come to the conclusion that he likes Luhan a lot, possibly more than just a friend, a long time ago and although all Luhan has been doing is feeding his fantasies with such mushy talk, none of them have had the courage yet to say anything concrete.
Minseok isn’t really huge on romance or a believer of fate, but for Luhan, only for him, he’s willing to do both.)
It doesn’t take much for them to move from friends to lovers. It only takes two years of dancing around each other’s feelings, two comings-of-age, entry into the two-digit ages and the graduation of two people from the military academy.
How they get together isn’t very fancy either, because both Luhan and Minseok are simple-minded like that.
They’re sitting against their favourite tree in the palace gardens, behind some flower bushes. It’s the night of their graduation party and the rest of their batch is still celebrating on the grounds further away, but Luhan and Minseok had slinked away. Nobody would miss them really, with wine and champagne flowing like water, almost all of them were drunk.
The night is chilly and it sobers them up instantly. The skies are clear, and for once in a long long time, they lie side by side on the soft grass and silently stare at the Earth and the thousand stars twinkling back at them.
Minseok almost thinks that Luhan has dozed off but then he says, “So… I guess this is it.”
Minseok takes a deep breath, and when he replies, it feels like the burden of every star he’s seeing is on his shoulders. “Yeah. This is it. The time has come. Very soon you will start your duties as an officer in the guard, and very soon I will be crowned as King.”
A deep silence falls, allowing them to soak in the realization that from tomorrow started a reality that they have been preparing for but will never really be ready for. The burden on Minseok's shoulders grows heavier, until it threatens to overwhelm him, but he clears his mind. It won’t do any good worrying so much. He would take things as they come. If only-
“We’ll both be busy, but don’t be a stranger, alright?” Minseok finds himself saying.
What he doesn’t expect is for Luhan to bolt upright and look at him like he has said something extremely unthinkable, something that Luhan has not at all contemplated. He sits up slowly, watching Luhan bite his lips before bursting out,” Of course I won’t! How could you even consider that?”
“Alright, don’t shout, I was merely joking-“
“Well, I’m not! I am serious. If you think that you can get rid of me that easily, think again, because I’m not going anywhere. Officers of the guard also have to live in the premises of the palace, so I will be around all the time.”
The Earth doesn’t shine, but the twinkling stars are enough for Minseok to see Luhan clearly, features accentuated softly, fair skin in slight wrinkles on his forehead because of his frown and pink lips and sharp jaw set resolutely as if Minseok is going to defy him.
As if Minseok could ever.
His gaze softens the longer he stares at Luhan, but he can’t look away because the twinkle of the thousand stars together cannot even hope to match up to the twinkle in Luhan's eyes. He has to tear his gaze off Luhan every day but he doesn’t feel like it today because he has that look in his eyes again and it’s so much stronger today than any other day, the way Luhan looks at him like he is his anchor in life, his everything, everything and more, so so much more, and it’s so in synch with Minseok's own feelings, that he cannot help shuffling closer to Luhan on his knees, staring deep into his open eyes and leaning forward to peck his lips lightly.
Luhan sits there stunned into silence, just like the first day they’d met and Minseok laughs because although there have been obvious changes in his features, the expression has stayed the same.
“Don’t look so shocked,” he says with a laugh. “I know you feel the same way-mmph!”
Luhan pulls Minseok into his lap and captures his lips in a searing kiss, rendering them both incapable of any further words.
(“See,” Luhan says later when they’re back to lying on the grass and exchanging lazy kisses under the starlight. “I told you, we’re meant to be together.”
Minseok smiles at him, intertwining their fingers together and giving Luhan a lingering kiss.
“Never let me go,” he whispers against his mouth, so close that their eyelashes flutter together.
Luhan's “I won’t” gets swallowed when Minseok catches it with his own lips.)
Luhan stares at the amulet in Minseok's hand, fumbling for words.
“How did you-I-just-where-“
“It wasn’t a very good hiding place.”
Luhan takes a deep breath to calm himself down. He has to explain this properly to Minseok, it’s not what he thinks it is-
“How long did you think you could keep this up?” Minseok says bitterly. “This pretence, this fakery? Quite an elaborate plan, I must say, sending the perfect spy to befriend the Moon heir, penetrate their defences, learn all the ins and outs of their military, and strike like a sting after.”
Luhan exhales shakily, ignoring the hurt blooming in his chest. “Minseok, I swear to the gods, you’re looking at this entirely the wrong way, it isn’t how it looks-“
“Giving me false promises of love and affection, and happy forevers when all you ever wanted was a man who knew the inner workings and who better than the to-be king himself? You laid your trap so well, so so well and I just fucking walked right into it, didn’t I? How easy was it? How easy was I, deluding myself with dreams that you knew were never coming true?”
“Minseok, I didn’t know for sure,” Luhan bites out painfully. “I had my suspicions, yes, but I didn’t know-“
Minseok laughs then, derisively, and it’s chilling, almost crazy, and the sound pierces through Luhan's heart because he knows that he isn’t mocking him, he’s mocking himself, berating himself. That’s a very cold realization to have. “You had your suspicions? You had fucking suspicions that you were the heir of the fucking Sun Kingdom and you didn’t tell me? More than ten years we were together every single day and it didn’t even occur to you to tell me about this amulet?”
He tosses the amulet onto the floor where it falls onto the thick carpet with a muted noise. He then buries his face in his hands and stares off into space for a few seconds in which Luhan is shaking, trying to think coherently because this is not how he wanted to tell Minseok, this is not how he had wanted Minseok to know-
“Tell me,” Minseok says, and his voice is impassive but there’s an upturn to his mouth that looks almost sinister. “When had you planned on doing it? Today? Tomorrow? Right after I told you the plan to ambush the Suns? Maybe while I slept tonight in your arms? When were you planning on driving a dagger through my-“
Luhan shoves Minseok off the bed before he can complete his sentence and stands before him, breathing heavily. Hurt has turned into rage now, because how can Minseok even think that he can-how dare he-how could he even consider that Luhan could-that he could ever-
(“You know, they say to test if your love is true, you should ask yourself ‘Do you love this person so much that you can even take their life if need be?’”
Luhan stares at Minseok incredulously. “Where did you read that? You have to stop reading all those botched up books.”
“Don’t you think it makes sense though? In a weirdly twisted way?” Minseok replies, carding his hand through Luhan's soft hair, brushing it off his forehead. They’re by their tree again and Luhan is attempting to do some reading of a military journal. “Taking the life of someone you love because you don’t want them to suffer any longer, or because they tell you to…or because you have no choice.”
“You used to tell me to shut up so many times as a kid; do you see me listening to what you tell me to do?” Luhan teases, shutting his book and putting it on his stomach. “And no, it makes no sense, because how can you even consider killing someone you love? Killing is killing, there’s no justification to it. Besides, how do you live the rest of your life with that guilt?”
“Afterlife.”
“Really?” Luhan says disbelievingly. “You believe in afterlife?”
“Not really no, but it’s the idea of it that counts.”
Luhan shakes his head. “I have no idea why we’re having this conversation right now. All that you need to know is that you have to stop reading all that shit. Nobody’s doing this dying or killing business. You should know that I love you and my life too much to ask you to kill me. And if you pull out something like this on me, I’ll smack you so hard you’ll find yourself on Earth.”
Minseok laughs loudly and bends to kiss Luhan. The angle is awkward, but they make it work. They can make anything work.)
“Don’t,” Luhan thunders. “Don’t ever say that. Ever.”
Minseok sits up and rubs his elbow where it scraped along the carpet. He’s a little wary now because he’s never, in all the time they’ve known each other, seen Luhan like this, so furious and enraged. He makes no attempt to get off the floor, and Luhan settles himself on the floor too, leaning against the bed.
“You might think that it’s dumb, but I honestly attach no importance to that amulet,” Luhan says, without even glancing where it has rolled off to. He pauses, almost expecting interruption from Minseok, but continues when there is none. “I know I did wrong by not telling you my suspicions, and I’m sorry for that, I really am. I came to know of the rumors when we entered the academy. You know how even teenage boys like to gossip, and that day I came home and I sat and wondered if the rumor was true, because my parents had found me afloat the river in a box surrounded by sunflowers and this amulet around me. They had been delighted because they saw me as a blessing from the gods and I never asked them where I came from, because I never felt the need to.”
He looks up from the carpet and looks at Minseok, who’s watching him with confused eyes. “I did not even look at that amulet for years together,” he continues. “But when reports of the Sun King dying came, the rumors arose anew and this time, I found myself seriously considering the fact that I might actually be the heir, but then I just dismissed it because who was I? Just an orphan abandoned and left to die by a mother. No name, no family. What kind of a mother does that?”
He takes another shuddering breath. “I would have told you, eventually, some day, I guess. But it really wasn’t that important to me. What I did to make my life and my name known was far more important to me than speculating about the possibility of what I could have been.”
“You’re the Sun heir,” Minseok croaks. “I’m the Moon heir. How are we ever to be together-“
“I’m not the Sun heir,” Luhan cuts in, softly. “I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be known as the child of the Sun God, or the son of the Sun Queen. I want to have no connection to the Sun Kingdom at all. I belong here, this is my home, and has always been.”
Minseok stares at him blankly, but Luhan knows the conflict and turmoil going on inside. They can read each other too well by now.
“It’s me, Minseok, it’s me,” he implores. “Just plain old Luhan who whines about bruises after every mock duel with you, who loves splitting all your arrows after they all hit the target, who complains so much about all the paperwork to do until he sees how you have almost double the amount he has, whom you hate star-gazing with because all he does is look at you, who loves to rub his nose against yours just to see how it wrinkles up involuntarily, whom you love fornicating with in the library-“
Minseok snorts, but he doesn’t smile. He looks tired, like he had been plagued by all these thoughts for a long time before Luhan came, but at least he’s not shouting anymore. Even if it isn’t, Luhan thinks that he’ll consider it as progress, however small it may be.
“What will you do when the Sun spies find out?” Minseok asks.
“Are they likely to?” Luhan replies. He’s never really considered this possibility.
Minseok sighs. “It’ll be very easy for them to track you down from Earth.”
Luhan frowns. “If they do find me, I’ll just tell them that I refuse to go with them. That I have no interest in the Suns and their Kingdom.”
Minseok raises an eyebrow. “Really? Don’t be so naïve; they’ll get their army here if they have to, to drag you back. Once they find you, you really have no choice but to oblige, because they will go to any extent for the child of the Sun God.”
“Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it, then.”
Minseok gets up all of a sudden, leaving Luhan confused. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he mutters and almost walks out the door, but Luhan calls him, making him turn around.
“Are we-uh-alright-?” he asks stutteringly, because they have never slept apart from each other after graduation.
Minseok nods stiffly. “Just-just give me some-some time.”
The door bangs shut and Luhan stares at the quivering flame of a nearby candle.
Time. The fickle thing they don’t have in abundance right now.
“You know, if the Suns discover you here, we will be branded as traitors for harbouring the Sun heir.”
Luhan jumps when he hears Minseok in his room as he steps out of the bathroom, just a towel wrapped around his waist. It’s been a week already since that day and Minseok had hardly spoken seven sentences to him. It had hurt, but Minseok had asked for time, and Luhan was going to give it to him, as much as possible.
Seven days of lying alone in bed makes you think about a lot of things, and makes you lose a lot of sleep.
Luhan's heart thuds against his ribs because it’s been too long since he’s properly looked Minseok in the face, but he ignores it and focuses on schooling his expression into something that doesn’t look too eager. Minseok wanted time. They would talk whenever he wanted and about whatever he wanted.
“Then you can refuse to acknowledge the fact that you knew I was here,” Luhan replies.
Minseok smiles wryly. “You’re an officer, Luhan. Do you honestly believe that the Suns will let it slide by so easily? The Suns are very different than us, they’re vicious, hot-tempered and their rage knows no bounds, we’ve already experienced it in the Great War. They’re proud beings, conceited by their power over the universe and their ability to trample anybody who dare defy them.”
“Yet we will march against them?” Luhan asks. “Although we have failed once?”
“It’s different this time. This time we march not for our own greed, but for our rights. No matter what the crime, the Suns had no authority to take away the light given to us by the Gods. They are nobody to take that away from us.”
“So you support the war now?”
“I was never against it, just against the timing of it. But we will march as decided, and you shall have to make a choice, whether you will fight with us, or with the Suns.”
Luhan's eyes snap up in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re asking me this when I’ve already told you so many times that I want nothing to do with the Suns.”
Minseok pauses before answering. “Think of how it looks on your family, on your mother if you-“
“She is no mother of mine!” Luhan hisses. “My mother was the old woman, who found me afloat a river and had the heart to take me in and raise me as her son, and my father is no god to the rest of the world, but he is to me, because he taught me what I should know in life. And they both died as people of the Moon and I, too, am one of the Moons, as I shall be even for the war. And I will have nothing to do with egotistic women of royalty who do not care for their own blood and leave them to die.”
“And if the Suns do come,” he continues, softer this time. “Let them, but the only way I will go with them will be in chains and I will escape and I will come back. I will come back home.” He hesitates before carrying on. “I will come back to you. If-if you will have me.”
And both Luhan and Minseok know the dire uncertainty of the future. They both know that it’s only a matter of when that the Suns will be knocking at their door, who knows, they’re probably already here, slinking in the shadows and overhearing whispered conversations. For all Minseok knows Luhan will be gone tomorrow and the Suns will have declared war on them before they do.
Seven days Minseok has woken up to an empty bed without Luhan and seven days, he has sat up, hands going cold and palms going sweaty as he’d dressed quickly, intent on finding Luhan, because was he even still there? Had he finally left them for the Suns? Had he been captured by them, coerced to go when he hadn’t wanted to? Had he finally decided that Minseok was not worth his time and effort anymore?
Seven days of this, and Minseok isn’t sure if he can take even one more day. If tomorrow they would be ripped apart, if tonight would be the last night that they would be together, that Minseok could be with Luhan, then he’ll take it. He’ll take it because he’s weak and he’s a fool, but he’s a fool in love with a fool.
He’ll take it, although he doesn’t know if Luhan had lied to him or not, if he’s still lying to him or not. He’ll take it, even at the cost of getting daggered in the middle of the night by the one who already holds his heart. He’ll take it, because he’d rather have taken it, than have lost the chance.
”We’re meant to be together.”
It’s so sick that Minseok wants to laugh.
There’s starlight streaming in through the windows, casting strange shadows on the walls, shadows that look eerily like humans so Minseok shuts his eyes and plants a soft kiss under Luhan's jaw. They’re lying on the bed, under the sheets, legs entangled and bodies entwined so much that Minseok cannot make out if it’s him or it’s Luhan when his wiggling toes touch something.
He continues kissing down Luhan's jaw line, slowly and softly, over his Adam’s apple that bobs when he swallows, a gasp caught in his throat. Minseok pushes himself up onto his elbows and wriggles until he can kiss Luhan on the lips, tender at first, but then Luhan's hands come up to grip his waist and pull him closer and all the tenderness goes out the window.
They’re still sweaty and their skin is sticking to each other, but they’re still not sated, because how can they love each other enough in one night for all the loving they possibly won’t have for the rest of their lives?
Minseok finally figures out what is him and what is Luhan when they kick off the sheets to the bottom of the bed and his cock rubs deliciously against Luhan's thigh, already on its way to hardness. He brings his lips back to Luhan's, gasping a little into the kiss when he grinds against his thigh and he lifts it up a bit.
They almost fall off the bed when Luhan tries to slide up the bed to sit against the headboard against the pillows and their kiss breaks off into a fit of chortles. Luhan chases Minseok’s lips with his own, after they’ve settled back down, hands fisting in his hair as he brushes his lips down the side of his neck as Minseok grinds their hips together.
There’re fingers prodding his entrance then, wet, oil-slicked fingers and he exhales in a huff of exasperation when Luhan fits two of them inside him, because he can’t believe Luhan is stretching him again after they’ve just-
But his forehead falls against Luhan's shoulders when he scissors his fingers inside him, thrusting them slowly, but surely, adding another finger, and now Minseok knows why he’s doing this, it’s because he’s such a fucking tease-
Minseok whines low in his throat when Luhan curls his fingers inside him, against that spot inside that feels so good that he can’t help but arch his back, grinding back against them, trying to get them deeper. They’re both fully hard now; Minseok can feel Luhan against his stomach. As much as Minseok would love to ride Luhan's fingers, he gasps to Luhan to draw them out and settles on his knees with Luhan between his legs.
They both can’t help but gasp as Minseok sinks down on him in one smooth move and begins grinding his hips, breath catching because this angle is doing wonders to him, hitting all the good places with every thrust. Minseok moves slowly and Luhan makes no attempt to hurry him along because it feels good, to have a notion of time, when they don’t really have any, to have a notion of forever, when theirs has probably been ripped away, to have a notion of happiness, when Minseok isn’t sure he’ll smile again after Luhan is gone.
And he will be gone, they’re not deluding themselves. Whether by will or by force, whether tomorrow or after that, he will be gone and they will be apart, gods know for how long or even if they’ll be back together.
They keep at it, slow and steady, yet relentless, exchanging searing, open-mouthed kisses and it isn’t until it gets too much that Minseok ups the tempo, snapping his hips against Luhan's, matching his pace, until Luhan reaches between them, grasping Minseok's cock and stroking it firmly, and even this is slow, too slow for Minseok’s liking because he’s hovering on the edge, the precipice between something and nothing, they both are.
Minseok is the first to finish, coming all over Luhan's hand with a moan, hips still grinding as he rides the waves of pleasure with a gasp. Luhan is quick to follow with a groan, relishing the way Minseok clenches around him.
They sit slumped against the pillows, gasping for breath and exchanging lazy, messy kisses until Minseok almost falls asleep glued to Luhan's lips. Luhan laughs and squirms until they’re both lying on the pillows.
“When the Suns come for me,” Luhan whispers after a long silence and Minseok jerks because he had been half-asleep. “Don’t fight, alright? It won’t be good for the Moon Kingdom if you fight them. Pretend that you didn’t know, that I never told you and that you never found out. I’m sure if I insist on top of that that I deceived you all, the Suns won’t be so enraged at the Moons.”
Minseok says neither yes, nor no, but the answer is evident in his silence. He stares at Luhan's smiling eyes. They twinkle brighter than any star, even the Sun itself and Minseok isn’t sure he ever wants to look away. The Suns might have stolen the light of the Moon, but here was Minseok's light, right in front of him.
He spends the rest of the night struggling to keep his eyes open, even as Luhan gives in after some time. He spends the night committing Luhan's face to memory, every line, every eyelash, every single thing, because who knows when he’ll be able to see it again. He spends the night fighting off sleep, but succumbs eventually without realizing it.
And the bed beside Minseok is cold and empty when he wakes up with the first sun rays.
The war goes on for endless days and endless nights and endless months without any respite because the day is when the Suns are stronger and the night is when the Moons have an edge. It’s worse than the Great War, the lords of the Council tell Minseok. Only half of them are present, only the oldest ones who cannot fight, everybody else is on the battlefield.
Minseok has to stay behind in the palace, because no matter how good he is at combat, he is officially the Moon King, although he hasn’t been crowned yet, and it would do no good to them with him dead, or injured or worse, captured. His powers make the Moon what it is, and without them, Moon might just as well be a rock in space, floating aimlessly, without habitation, without people, without life.
The same applies to Luhan as well, but the only difference is that he is sitting in a room in a place where he does not belong, where he does not feel at home, where he is being used as a toy just for his powers.
(“Welcome back home, son,” she greets him, dressed in a canary yellow dress that makes Luhan's eyes hurt.
It’s the woman who birthed him, and the woman who left him to die. The woman who has no right to call him son.
Luhan feels rage simmering inside when he sets eyes on her face. The fact that he’s shackled in cuffs and chains does nothing but add to his anger.
“I would introduce myself,” she says, gliding further in, until she is right in front of him. The relentless grip of the guards on his arms does not change. “But I presume you have an idea of who I am, don’t you dear? How can any child forget his mother?”
Repulse rises inside him like a latent volcano ready to burst. “Let me go,” Luhan says, fury evident in his steely voice.
She waves a hand, and the guards instantly step aside, letting go of their iron grip on his arms, though the shackles still stay. Luhan almost wants to laugh. This is not the letting go he was talking about.
“I apologize, but I heard that you were being a little difficult, so they had no choice. Anyway, now that you’re here,” the queen continues, turning on her heels to lead him somewhere. “We have lots to catch up on. You must know that you are the heir to the Sun Throne and-“
“Take off the shackles, and let me go.”
The queen spins around and Luhan looks at her, the way she carries herself high like he has never seen a noble do before. They have the same soft features, thick and long eyelashes brushing fair cheeks, but she makes them look all wrong. She makes him hate his own face because he has no desire to take after her. The constantly displeased expression on her face repulses him to no end.
“Go where, my dear boy?” she asks, voice lilting from fake curiosity. The answer must have been obvious on his face because she laughs derisively the next second. “Go back to the Moon?! Now why would you want to do that, when you are here, back home with your dear mother?”
“This is not my home. And you are not my mother.”
“I’m not sure you understand. You are the Sun heir. The child of the Sun God. The to-be king. You must rule after the current King passes away-“
“I’m not sure you understand,” Luhan interrupts, eyes wild with temper. Who is this woman to tell him what he has to do, what is expected of him, what he is? Who is she to expect anything of him, when all she had done was abandon him to die when he was just a baby? Who is she to come strutting back into his life, at a time when he had actually been happy? “I have no desire to be King of anywhere, and you are nobody to tell me otherwise.”
“Desire?” she laughs incredulously, her voice loud and echoing in the room. “It is not a matter of your desire, you foolish boy. As the heir, it is your duty.”
Luhan is torn between laughing and shouting because here was a woman, calling herself his mother after she did nothing even remotely motherly, telling him that it was his duty as the heir of a kingdom that he did not belong to.
In the end he bites out, “Just let me go. I have no desire for the Crown, nor any interest in you and your kingdom.”
“No interest?!” the queen says, shrilly. “Nobody is asking for your interest or desires, boy! I don’t know what dung they have stuffed in your brains there, teaching you to disobey your own mother.”
“You are not my mother. What kind of a mother sets her child afloat a river? You were ashamed of me!”
“Yes, I was ashamed! Ashamed of the fact that you were born out of wedlock, in spite of the fact that you were the Sun God’s child!”
It hurts. Somewhere in his heart, a place that he didn’t know existed, it hurts to hear that, although Luhan has, years ago, already relegated her to just ‘the woman who gave birth to him’, from ‘mother’. It hurts to know that she had wanted to throw him away, even if he doesn’t want it to.
“Just let me go back home,” he says, very close to imploring. “I am of no use to you.”
“You might not be,” the queen replies. “But your powers are. So you are going nowhere, my dear.”
“Besides,” she continues airily. “You must recall the ease with which our spies could abduct you out of the Moon palace. There’s nothing to stop me from driving a sword through your dear lover’s heart while he sleeps. Interesting relationship you had there, going so easily from friends to lovers.”
Luhan feels the blood drain from his face, but he can no longer feel his legs as he slumps down on the floor without realizing it because they had underestimated the Suns so much, how long had she known his existence, how long had she known about him and Minseok, how long had she been following them-
“Just remember, dear prince. The Suns have their arrogance for a reason. You are nowhere, whereas me, I am everywhere. So you’ll do as you’re told if you want him to live.”
Luhan stays stock still because she had finally done it. She had taken everything from him for the second time in his life.)
Both the kingdoms have lost more than half of their people. More than half, Minseok thinks, lying on the makeshift bed in one of the inner sanctum rooms. The remaining lords and all the people from the palace who couldn’t fight had been ushered into similar sanctums under the palace. They had been taking shifts in sleeping, but Minseok had hardly slept at all, sword strapped to his hip. Only when he started feeling dizzy he had lain down and slept off the exhaustion.
It wasn’t safe out there anymore. People of the capital city were down with them, but all the other cities were being destroyed and burnt down by the Suns. The Moons were retaliating similarly on the Sun. Many of the people from both the kingdoms had fled to Earth for refuge, because the Earth Kingdom had sworn to have a neutral side in the war.
They all knew that both the sides would, in all possibility be completely obliterated, and it doesn’t have much impact on Minseok right now, still surrounded by people, but he knows that once the time comes to witness the devastation, it’ll be real. And he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to get life back on track in his kingdom, when they’re left with nothing, nothing but ashes and dead bodies and a lifetime of grief.
Or the Suns might even find them here, and kill them all, and then what would be left? Ashes and dead bodies and a lifetime of grief, but no one to grieve them.
(Maybe Luhan would, Minseok thinks, if he ever came to know. His mind also sprouts up the possibility that his own soldiers might do the same in the Sun Kingdom, but he rips out that weed immediately because he doesn’t want to think of that. Ever.)
It’s with such disturbing images that Minseok drifts off into a restless sleep.
He’s lying on something very soft, Minseok realizes. It’s not the hard mattress he had slept on. It takes a little effort for him to open his drowsy eyes, but before they can focus, there’s someone calling him, he realizes, but there’s a strange ringing in his ears.
The ringing fades away and his eyes focus and Minseok is not at all ready for the familiar brown hair and twinkling eyes that fill his vision and he jumps back, startled because howwhatwhere-
“Minseok, are you awake?” Luhan asks anxiously, waving his hands in front of his face.
Minseok nods, still dazed and looks around. They’re in the palace gardens and when Minseok tips his head back, he sees their favourite tree, the one where he and Luhan had so made so memories.
“How are we here?” he asks, getting up and brushing himself off. “Did I dream of the war? Or is this a dream?”
“No, the war happened,” Luhan says. “I remember it.”
His voice is almost melodious to Minseok's ears and he can’t help it when his hand finds Luhan's and he grasps it tightly. “How are you here?” he whispers, pulling him closer and closer and his other hand travels up Luhan's chest, up his neck and to frame his face, as if to remind himself that Luhan is really here and he’s real.
“I don’t know how,” Luhan whispers back, tilting his face into Minseok’s hand.
And then they need no more words as their lips meet, and they’re kissing because even if they don’t know where they are or how they’re there, they’re together, they’re finally back together and there’s no one to stop them now, nothing to stop them.
It’s another surprise when they finally break apart, because they aren’t in the gardens anymore, they’re in what looks like an enormous throne room. They jump apart then, because there on two high chairs are seated two men, dressed in the strangest robes Minseok has ever seen. He gulps nervously because he has seen them, in paintings, so many times, and they look so familiar because-
“Welcome, son,” one of them says, and it’s with a belated jolt that Minseok realises that it’s the Sun God.
And the other one has to be the Moon God.
They’re in front of the Gods.
The Gods that created their kingdoms.
The Gods that don’t look so happy right now.
Minseok doesn’t know what to do, because what does one do in the face of a God? Are they even real Gods? Should he bow? Is there a particular salutation to be used? Should they be introducing themselves? How did they get to the Gods anyway? Does this mean they’re dead?
“You’re not dead if that’s what’s you’re wondering,” the Moon God says. Either they can read minds or it’s really obvious from Minseok's face.
“`What have you been doing?” he says again and…is that disappointment Minseok can detect, laced with words?
They’re both quiet, like children being scolded for sneaking into the kitchen and eating cookies before dinner time. But it’s mostly because they don’t know what to say and what to do.
“Your kingdoms are falling to waste and what are you doing?” the Moon God demands, his tone sharper now.
Minseok does not answer, he cannot answer because there are goose bumps rising on his skin now, and he can feel the disappointment coming off them in waves that his body reacts to, limbs shivering and shaking. He feels Luhan sweat through his palms, their hands still clasped tight.
“I expected better from you, son,” the Sun God says, voice growing louder and echoing in the huge room. “I am most disappointed that you did not adhere to your duties.”
Luhan opens his mouth a little to respond about how he had not asked for this life and how everything would have been alright if the Suns had not abducted him, had not been the way they were, and his mother had not abandoned him, but he shuts it quickly. He does not want to be the first person to talk back to a God.
“Greed, avarice, lust and love blinded you so much,” he continues, almost spitting out each word, bristling with anger. “So much that you succeeded in annihilating the world.”
Minseok bites his lip. They make it look like they’re the villains here, like he was supposed to stop a war that was inevitable, like a monarch that had no real powers was supposed to go against the Council, like it was his greatest sin to fall in love with his child, whom he hadn’t bothered to look for before. If he had been so bothered about Luhan, where had he been when Luhan had needed him?
But they’re still Gods, unfair as they might be, and they could probably kill them without a word, so Minseok refrains from saying anything, because he’s finally met Luhan again and he’s not going to let even the Gods to come between them again.
The Moon God sighs. “Karma must take its debt. There must be retribution doled out.”
Luhan's head snaps up in disbelief. They can’t be serious. Why are they being punished for something that wasn’t entirely their fault? All they had really done was fallen in love, nothing else! They had done absolutely nothing wrong-
“The sun and the moon will reign together, but there will be a price. You shall both be made one with your kingdoms. Luhan and Minseok shall be eternalized as the sun and the moon, forever and ever, and you will never be together again. The only kingdom to have life henceforth will be the earth, and the people will have no knowledge or memories of your kingdoms. The sun will rule the day sky and the moon the night and you will be kept apart forever as a price to pay for your immense selfishness.”
Luhan and Minseok exchange a panicked glance because what in the world is this, are they serious, is this a twisted joke, a warped dream or a nightmare of some sort because this can’t be happening, not now, not like this, what was even going on-
But before they can speak a word, there’s a snap of a finger and time comes to a standstill. Luhan and Minseok are forced to stand motionless while the Gods right the world again.
“Such a pity,” the Moon God says looking at them emotionlessly, and snaps his fingers again.
And when time starts anew, the world is not as it was before; it is a very different place.
And this is the story of the sun and the moon and how they came to be, best friends and lovers separated forever. This is the story of Minseok and Luhan, of their love, their passionate love that burnt the world and destroyed it. This is the story of how the sun chases the moon and the moon chases the sun in vain, in a never ending cycle of day and night because they were never meant to be. This is the story of why the dawn and dusk are the most beautiful times of the day, because that is when the sun and the moon are together in the sky, if only for some fleeting moments, and their happiness knows no bounds, so the entire world can see their eternal love.
”And thus, the sun, he loves the moon so much, he dies every night to let the moon breathe.”
Length: 9440
Summary: Minseok and Luhan fall in love. But love has the strangest consequences, and theirs probably has the worst kind.
Warnings: angst
A/N: Originally posted here for theluminations!
[Long-ass note ahead - READ AT OWN RISK!!] Okay, this fic was the first fic fest that I signed up for (I did end up doing a couple of others before this got over) and I won't lie, this was a struggle which is very evident in the fic. I wrote and rewrote this so many times with minor and major changes that I was editing it right until I had to submit it. I'm not kidding, I have around 10 docs with titles ranging from 'xiuhan.docx' to 'thefic.docx' to 'THEFFFFFF.docx' orz;;. I used to write about 2k going with a particular set of ideas and then 2 days later think 'wtf is this' and then scrap it. And ultimately, my fic changed with each check-in and I submitted this, which is not even remotely connected to my check-ins lol. I had huuuuge ideas, which I realized the hard way that I couldn't write and do justice to, 569348 characters that I wanted to include, so maybe one day when I can improve a lot more, I can write a fic like that. That being said, I never really like what I write very much, I always feel like it can be a lot better (which is always true), but somehow this fic has a special place in my heart, idek why. Alright I'll stop rambling now, is anybody even reading this and I hope that if anybody is reading this, they can enjoy my mediocre writing \o/
When Luhan finds Minseok after his training with the other officers on the practice grounds, the sun has already set a long time ago, yet Minseok is still sitting on the bed in his room, not a single candle lit, shrouding him in darkness.
“Minseok?” Luhan calls out in the darkness because he can see a silhouette on the bed, and he has known him for enough years that he can make no mistake in identifying him. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
A stark silence is his only response. Luhan fumbles for the matches and lights a few candles around the room.
It is Minseok, and he’s perched on the bed, hands playing with something that is glinting even in the dim light. His face is drawn, pale and ashen, and the flickering light of the few candles casts strange shadows on his face.
He does not cast a glance at Luhan when he says, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
His voice has a steely edge, like he is forcing out the words, like they are threatening to drown him, like he is cloaking something else behind them, something that Luhan can detect with ironical ease because of how well he knows him, something that hurts to hear because he has done nothing of that sort.
Something like betrayal.
“What didn’t I tell you?” Luhan asks quietly, walking closer to the bed, closer to Minseok, and sits down lightly beside him.
“The council had a meeting today,” Minseok says, changing the subject but still speaking in that same voice that makes Luhan feel like he’s being told to walk on thorns, slowly and painfully. “It has been decided that the very day the Sun King dies, we will declare war and attack their kingdom, to take back what is rightfully ours.”
Luhan steels his heart. Wars are serious businesses and as an officer of the Royal Guard, he will be out there on the battlefield. But he is trained, possibly the best of his rank, and one of the best in the entire kingdom, second only to the to-be king, Minseok himself.
It doesn’t escape Luhan how Minseok says that it has been decided. Luhan gathers that Minseok is not in favour of this decision, but that is how things work in the Moon kingdom. Every decision is taken in consensus by the Council. Even the King himself cannot do much but lend his views to the matter, but ultimately, the resolution of the council is the final word that even the monarch must bend to.
It had been in similar circumstances that the Moons had waged war against the Suns the last time. Driven by greed and lust for more power and for dominating the universe, they had thoughtlessly engaged in a conniving battle that they had incited by assassinating the then Sun King. And then, while the Sun kingdom had been mourning the loss of their king, they had attacked them. Contrary to their expectations, however, the Suns had not been caught unaware and the Moons had failed miserably.
The War had cost the Moons their young King who had been recently wedded. The retribution of the Sun Kingdom had been terrible, and the entire universe had recoiled from the wrath of the Suns. The Moons had been cursed and stripped of their own light, and they had never adorned the night sky, shining bright the same way again. From that day onwards, life changed drastically and had turned a little dimmer on the Moon.
It had happened before Luhan had been born, but he has heard stories. Stories of the greatest warriors losing their lives over the inability of the Moons to retaliate against the powerful ambush of the Suns. Stories of how the Suns, in their rage, had branded the Moon with huge craters, for their beauty had been their pride and pride goes before a fall. Stories of how hard it had been for the Moons to revive themselves after their defeat. Stories of the Great War, as it was called thereafter, being the reason why life in the Moon Kingdom had changed so drastically: classes had been abolished, the power of the monarch had been stripped away and why in a way, the War had left them united and more tolerant of each other.
“And?” Luhan asks cautiously, because although this is huge news, it does not warrant Minseok's behavior to him.
Minseok takes a deep breath, still avoiding Luhan's eyes, but it’s shaky. His hands are trembling around whatever he has grasped, and his palms are sweaty, but he powers on emotionlessly. “The Sun Kingdom has confirmed the rumor about their Queen having a child out of wedlock by the boon of the High Priest.”
Luhan has heard of that. According to hearsay, the Queen had been gifted with a blessing when she had come of age. The gift had been to bear a child of the Sun God, to be used once she was married. But they say the queen was had a most inquisitive and child-like mind and out of her curiosity, had used the gift before she had been married and had found herself with child. No one knew of its existence, and what she did with the child then. Some say she had been locked in a room until the child had been born and she killed it by flinging it off the tallest tower-room. Some say she fled to Earth and birthed the child there. Some say the witches of the Suns murdered the child while it was inside her. While the non-imagining people had maintained that the incantation had not worked.
But now that it was true that the child exists, it makes him the rightful heir to the Sun throne, because the Queen did not have any other children.
“The Suns have sent out their spies and have ordered a search for the heir in every kingdom, although the Queen says that she birthed him on the soil of Earth. They say he and the queen have strikingly similar features. Have you ever seen the Sun Queen, Luhan?” Minseok asks suddenly, forcing himself to gaze at Luhan.
Luhan shakes his head, and swallows the knot caught in his throat. Why is his throat so dry?
Minseok is poring into Luhan's eyes now, and Luhan finds himself wishing that he had continued glaring holes into the carpet because his gaze is so piercing, so keen, as if he’s boring holes into his body.
(It’s not soft, like how it is just before Minseok places a chaste kiss on his lips after they lay sated and panting on the bed, entangled with each other although they’re sticky and sweaty. It’s not soft, like how it is when Minseok smiles at him because he loves that Luhan's pretty face is the first and last thing that he sees at the beginning and the end of a hard, long day. It’s not soft, like how it is when Minseok stares into his eyes with a smirk when they’re play-fighting, circling each other with wooden swords in their hands, gauging each other because they’re always serious even when it’s just a mock duel).
It’s not soft and Luhan finds himself afraid.
“It won’t be long before they reach the Moon,” Minseok continues. “Why didn’t you tell me, Luhan? Why did you lie? Why the secrets?”
And here, his voice cracks, and it’s hurt, almost pleading, but Luhan doesn’t know what to say because he has no idea what Minseok is talking about. They’ve known each other for years, they’ve grown up together, shared almost all of their experiences together, so what secrets could he possibly keep? What could he hide from Minseok, even if he wanted to? Minseok, who was his friend, his best friend, his lover, his love, the one whom he’d wish for to stay by his side all his life, the one whose side he’d wish to stay by all his life, so how can Minseok even think that-
His eyes catch on a glint reflected from whatever Minseok still has in his hands. The thing catches the muted light of the candles in the room and Luhan crouches closer, because what can possibly have the ability to shine so bright in such dull light?
And then, Luhan's heart thumps loudly in the quietness of the room and plummets to the bottom of his stomach when Minseok uncoils whatever he’s been holding in his hands and holds it up by the string. It swings like a pendulum, now glinting almost angrily, and Luhan can’t keep his eyes off it, his mouth agape, because he has no idea how Minseok found that.
The amulet. His Sun amulet.
There isn’t a lot that Luhan remembers of his time on Earth, because he had only been ten when they had moved to the Moon, and ten years as a kid isn’t a lot to make memories, but he had a few. He remembers their house, a quaint little cottage by the side of the river, with their sprawling fields reduced to small fragments because rain hadn’t been good that year, or the year before, or the year before that. His parents had been on the older side of life when they had taken him in, and hadn’t been able to manage the farm when the drought had hit. The river was perennial, but their strength was not, and they had managed to salvage what they could of the farm, but it had not been enough.
What Luhan remembers most vividly are the sunflowers, the huge, vibrant sunflowers that he had been placed among as a new-born, in an open wooden box, and set afloat a river by someone, his birth mother, who had obviously wanted nothing to do with him. They had been his bed, for the woman had evidently not expected him to survive, or perhaps had not even wanted him to survive.
And then, the dreams had started, or were they always there, Luhan doesn’t remember, but they were there and they still are. They show him flashes of a face, a soft, teary face of a woman framed by brown locks, the same as his, eyes the darkest shade of brown that looked deep into his own similar ones, with a strong gaze as to commit his face to memory forever. The flashes are quick, sometimes even distorted, and sometimes Luhan even thinks that he hears her soft, lilting voice, because his ears are ringing with it when he jerks awake.
This is where his dreams turn into nightmares because one second he is lying among the soft sunflowers and the next moment they’re aflame, and the box he’s in is burning, and the river is also burning, but how is that possible, how can water burn, but it’s happening and Luhan cannot pause to think why or how because he can’t move, frozen in that spot, watching the flames lick closer and closer to his body. They engulf him whole, but he doesn’t burn and he doesn’t know why. There’s someone on the bank of the river, shouting and screaming for help, screaming for him to stop it because it was he who started it, he started the conflagration, but he has no idea how, so he has no idea how to end it.
It’s a different person every time, shrieking and wailing for him to just make it stop, Luhan, please! It burns, it burns so bad… Please, please! Before they moved to the Moon, it always used to be one of his parents, both on particularly bad nights, or occasionally one of the boys from the other farms he used to meet at the weekly market.
But his nightmares found better game when they moved to the Moon, because that is where he met Minseok.
Befriending Minseok was probably the easiest thing Luhan has done in his life, because Minseok had been the one to approach him first. He had been playing ball alone in a dark alley, bouncing it against the wall, waiting for his parents to finish work at the construction site adjacent. Suddenly, there had appeared a boy by his side, scaring the daylights out of him and poor Luhan, who had yet to get accustomed to the traditions on Moon, had bowed profusely when Minseok had introduced himself as the prince. Minseok had been stunned a little in silence because it was so out-of-date for people to bow before the royal family; the custom had been abolished on the Moon after the Great War.
But Luhan had been even more stunned to hear that he wanted to be friends with him. His ten-year-old brain had most helpfully advised him to just go with the flow and nod to whatever this prince said because was a prince and Luhan did not want to end up with his head on a pike. (The boy looked too nice to do that, although, he was sure those people standing at the mouth of the alley had daggers hidden somewhere).
And that is how he had ended up shaking a firm hand of a prince and agreeing to go to the palace the next day to play with him. It had been a most memorable first meeting.
They still laugh about it, Luhan's uncanny ability to sense the presence of Minseok or his mother and dip into a bow every time until it had been conditioned out of him by Minseok's constant chiding and his mother’s patient explanations that no, nobody would chop off his head or any of his limbs if he didn’t bow.
(“You know,” Minseok says, resting his back against the tree, as a cool breeze blows by. “I had to whine a lot to my mother that day to let me go out in the market and make friends.”
The palace gardens are mostly empty, just a stray gardener wandering around weeding the flower bushes.
Luhan grins up at Minseok, his head cradled on Minseok's lap and legs stretched out. They are supposed to be doing the reading assigned to them, but the weather had been too good pass up on.
”Did you use your puppy eyes?” he asks teasingly, scrunching his face in a very bad imitation.
”No, I used my crocodile tears with pout combination. Mother melted like fresh butter in front of a furnace. And straighten your face, a puppy will run leagues away if you do that to it.”
Luhan laughs and says, ”Oh, then did you do this?” teasingly, before convoluting his face into another bizarre expression that Minseok drives off by poking at his sides, tickling him. Their banter continues until Minseok sighs and says, “Sometimes I wonder why I met you of all the people in the capital city, when I ventured out to make friends. We’re as different as different can be.”
“We complement each other,” Luhan replies, smiling so dazzlingly that it seems like the sun is shining right on Minseok's face. “It’s fate. We’re meant to be together.”
The implications of those words are not lost on either of them and it’s strange how they don’t find it strange, but Luhan makes no effort to correct himself. It makes Minseok feel warm inside, warm like he has never felt before and his heart flutters a bit against his ribs. He has come to the conclusion that he likes Luhan a lot, possibly more than just a friend, a long time ago and although all Luhan has been doing is feeding his fantasies with such mushy talk, none of them have had the courage yet to say anything concrete.
Minseok isn’t really huge on romance or a believer of fate, but for Luhan, only for him, he’s willing to do both.)
It doesn’t take much for them to move from friends to lovers. It only takes two years of dancing around each other’s feelings, two comings-of-age, entry into the two-digit ages and the graduation of two people from the military academy.
How they get together isn’t very fancy either, because both Luhan and Minseok are simple-minded like that.
They’re sitting against their favourite tree in the palace gardens, behind some flower bushes. It’s the night of their graduation party and the rest of their batch is still celebrating on the grounds further away, but Luhan and Minseok had slinked away. Nobody would miss them really, with wine and champagne flowing like water, almost all of them were drunk.
The night is chilly and it sobers them up instantly. The skies are clear, and for once in a long long time, they lie side by side on the soft grass and silently stare at the Earth and the thousand stars twinkling back at them.
Minseok almost thinks that Luhan has dozed off but then he says, “So… I guess this is it.”
Minseok takes a deep breath, and when he replies, it feels like the burden of every star he’s seeing is on his shoulders. “Yeah. This is it. The time has come. Very soon you will start your duties as an officer in the guard, and very soon I will be crowned as King.”
A deep silence falls, allowing them to soak in the realization that from tomorrow started a reality that they have been preparing for but will never really be ready for. The burden on Minseok's shoulders grows heavier, until it threatens to overwhelm him, but he clears his mind. It won’t do any good worrying so much. He would take things as they come. If only-
“We’ll both be busy, but don’t be a stranger, alright?” Minseok finds himself saying.
What he doesn’t expect is for Luhan to bolt upright and look at him like he has said something extremely unthinkable, something that Luhan has not at all contemplated. He sits up slowly, watching Luhan bite his lips before bursting out,” Of course I won’t! How could you even consider that?”
“Alright, don’t shout, I was merely joking-“
“Well, I’m not! I am serious. If you think that you can get rid of me that easily, think again, because I’m not going anywhere. Officers of the guard also have to live in the premises of the palace, so I will be around all the time.”
The Earth doesn’t shine, but the twinkling stars are enough for Minseok to see Luhan clearly, features accentuated softly, fair skin in slight wrinkles on his forehead because of his frown and pink lips and sharp jaw set resolutely as if Minseok is going to defy him.
As if Minseok could ever.
His gaze softens the longer he stares at Luhan, but he can’t look away because the twinkle of the thousand stars together cannot even hope to match up to the twinkle in Luhan's eyes. He has to tear his gaze off Luhan every day but he doesn’t feel like it today because he has that look in his eyes again and it’s so much stronger today than any other day, the way Luhan looks at him like he is his anchor in life, his everything, everything and more, so so much more, and it’s so in synch with Minseok's own feelings, that he cannot help shuffling closer to Luhan on his knees, staring deep into his open eyes and leaning forward to peck his lips lightly.
Luhan sits there stunned into silence, just like the first day they’d met and Minseok laughs because although there have been obvious changes in his features, the expression has stayed the same.
“Don’t look so shocked,” he says with a laugh. “I know you feel the same way-mmph!”
Luhan pulls Minseok into his lap and captures his lips in a searing kiss, rendering them both incapable of any further words.
(“See,” Luhan says later when they’re back to lying on the grass and exchanging lazy kisses under the starlight. “I told you, we’re meant to be together.”
Minseok smiles at him, intertwining their fingers together and giving Luhan a lingering kiss.
“Never let me go,” he whispers against his mouth, so close that their eyelashes flutter together.
Luhan's “I won’t” gets swallowed when Minseok catches it with his own lips.)
Luhan stares at the amulet in Minseok's hand, fumbling for words.
“How did you-I-just-where-“
“It wasn’t a very good hiding place.”
Luhan takes a deep breath to calm himself down. He has to explain this properly to Minseok, it’s not what he thinks it is-
“How long did you think you could keep this up?” Minseok says bitterly. “This pretence, this fakery? Quite an elaborate plan, I must say, sending the perfect spy to befriend the Moon heir, penetrate their defences, learn all the ins and outs of their military, and strike like a sting after.”
Luhan exhales shakily, ignoring the hurt blooming in his chest. “Minseok, I swear to the gods, you’re looking at this entirely the wrong way, it isn’t how it looks-“
“Giving me false promises of love and affection, and happy forevers when all you ever wanted was a man who knew the inner workings and who better than the to-be king himself? You laid your trap so well, so so well and I just fucking walked right into it, didn’t I? How easy was it? How easy was I, deluding myself with dreams that you knew were never coming true?”
“Minseok, I didn’t know for sure,” Luhan bites out painfully. “I had my suspicions, yes, but I didn’t know-“
Minseok laughs then, derisively, and it’s chilling, almost crazy, and the sound pierces through Luhan's heart because he knows that he isn’t mocking him, he’s mocking himself, berating himself. That’s a very cold realization to have. “You had your suspicions? You had fucking suspicions that you were the heir of the fucking Sun Kingdom and you didn’t tell me? More than ten years we were together every single day and it didn’t even occur to you to tell me about this amulet?”
He tosses the amulet onto the floor where it falls onto the thick carpet with a muted noise. He then buries his face in his hands and stares off into space for a few seconds in which Luhan is shaking, trying to think coherently because this is not how he wanted to tell Minseok, this is not how he had wanted Minseok to know-
“Tell me,” Minseok says, and his voice is impassive but there’s an upturn to his mouth that looks almost sinister. “When had you planned on doing it? Today? Tomorrow? Right after I told you the plan to ambush the Suns? Maybe while I slept tonight in your arms? When were you planning on driving a dagger through my-“
Luhan shoves Minseok off the bed before he can complete his sentence and stands before him, breathing heavily. Hurt has turned into rage now, because how can Minseok even think that he can-how dare he-how could he even consider that Luhan could-that he could ever-
(“You know, they say to test if your love is true, you should ask yourself ‘Do you love this person so much that you can even take their life if need be?’”
Luhan stares at Minseok incredulously. “Where did you read that? You have to stop reading all those botched up books.”
“Don’t you think it makes sense though? In a weirdly twisted way?” Minseok replies, carding his hand through Luhan's soft hair, brushing it off his forehead. They’re by their tree again and Luhan is attempting to do some reading of a military journal. “Taking the life of someone you love because you don’t want them to suffer any longer, or because they tell you to…or because you have no choice.”
“You used to tell me to shut up so many times as a kid; do you see me listening to what you tell me to do?” Luhan teases, shutting his book and putting it on his stomach. “And no, it makes no sense, because how can you even consider killing someone you love? Killing is killing, there’s no justification to it. Besides, how do you live the rest of your life with that guilt?”
“Afterlife.”
“Really?” Luhan says disbelievingly. “You believe in afterlife?”
“Not really no, but it’s the idea of it that counts.”
Luhan shakes his head. “I have no idea why we’re having this conversation right now. All that you need to know is that you have to stop reading all that shit. Nobody’s doing this dying or killing business. You should know that I love you and my life too much to ask you to kill me. And if you pull out something like this on me, I’ll smack you so hard you’ll find yourself on Earth.”
Minseok laughs loudly and bends to kiss Luhan. The angle is awkward, but they make it work. They can make anything work.)
“Don’t,” Luhan thunders. “Don’t ever say that. Ever.”
Minseok sits up and rubs his elbow where it scraped along the carpet. He’s a little wary now because he’s never, in all the time they’ve known each other, seen Luhan like this, so furious and enraged. He makes no attempt to get off the floor, and Luhan settles himself on the floor too, leaning against the bed.
“You might think that it’s dumb, but I honestly attach no importance to that amulet,” Luhan says, without even glancing where it has rolled off to. He pauses, almost expecting interruption from Minseok, but continues when there is none. “I know I did wrong by not telling you my suspicions, and I’m sorry for that, I really am. I came to know of the rumors when we entered the academy. You know how even teenage boys like to gossip, and that day I came home and I sat and wondered if the rumor was true, because my parents had found me afloat the river in a box surrounded by sunflowers and this amulet around me. They had been delighted because they saw me as a blessing from the gods and I never asked them where I came from, because I never felt the need to.”
He looks up from the carpet and looks at Minseok, who’s watching him with confused eyes. “I did not even look at that amulet for years together,” he continues. “But when reports of the Sun King dying came, the rumors arose anew and this time, I found myself seriously considering the fact that I might actually be the heir, but then I just dismissed it because who was I? Just an orphan abandoned and left to die by a mother. No name, no family. What kind of a mother does that?”
He takes another shuddering breath. “I would have told you, eventually, some day, I guess. But it really wasn’t that important to me. What I did to make my life and my name known was far more important to me than speculating about the possibility of what I could have been.”
“You’re the Sun heir,” Minseok croaks. “I’m the Moon heir. How are we ever to be together-“
“I’m not the Sun heir,” Luhan cuts in, softly. “I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be known as the child of the Sun God, or the son of the Sun Queen. I want to have no connection to the Sun Kingdom at all. I belong here, this is my home, and has always been.”
Minseok stares at him blankly, but Luhan knows the conflict and turmoil going on inside. They can read each other too well by now.
“It’s me, Minseok, it’s me,” he implores. “Just plain old Luhan who whines about bruises after every mock duel with you, who loves splitting all your arrows after they all hit the target, who complains so much about all the paperwork to do until he sees how you have almost double the amount he has, whom you hate star-gazing with because all he does is look at you, who loves to rub his nose against yours just to see how it wrinkles up involuntarily, whom you love fornicating with in the library-“
Minseok snorts, but he doesn’t smile. He looks tired, like he had been plagued by all these thoughts for a long time before Luhan came, but at least he’s not shouting anymore. Even if it isn’t, Luhan thinks that he’ll consider it as progress, however small it may be.
“What will you do when the Sun spies find out?” Minseok asks.
“Are they likely to?” Luhan replies. He’s never really considered this possibility.
Minseok sighs. “It’ll be very easy for them to track you down from Earth.”
Luhan frowns. “If they do find me, I’ll just tell them that I refuse to go with them. That I have no interest in the Suns and their Kingdom.”
Minseok raises an eyebrow. “Really? Don’t be so naïve; they’ll get their army here if they have to, to drag you back. Once they find you, you really have no choice but to oblige, because they will go to any extent for the child of the Sun God.”
“Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it, then.”
Minseok gets up all of a sudden, leaving Luhan confused. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he mutters and almost walks out the door, but Luhan calls him, making him turn around.
“Are we-uh-alright-?” he asks stutteringly, because they have never slept apart from each other after graduation.
Minseok nods stiffly. “Just-just give me some-some time.”
The door bangs shut and Luhan stares at the quivering flame of a nearby candle.
Time. The fickle thing they don’t have in abundance right now.
“You know, if the Suns discover you here, we will be branded as traitors for harbouring the Sun heir.”
Luhan jumps when he hears Minseok in his room as he steps out of the bathroom, just a towel wrapped around his waist. It’s been a week already since that day and Minseok had hardly spoken seven sentences to him. It had hurt, but Minseok had asked for time, and Luhan was going to give it to him, as much as possible.
Seven days of lying alone in bed makes you think about a lot of things, and makes you lose a lot of sleep.
Luhan's heart thuds against his ribs because it’s been too long since he’s properly looked Minseok in the face, but he ignores it and focuses on schooling his expression into something that doesn’t look too eager. Minseok wanted time. They would talk whenever he wanted and about whatever he wanted.
“Then you can refuse to acknowledge the fact that you knew I was here,” Luhan replies.
Minseok smiles wryly. “You’re an officer, Luhan. Do you honestly believe that the Suns will let it slide by so easily? The Suns are very different than us, they’re vicious, hot-tempered and their rage knows no bounds, we’ve already experienced it in the Great War. They’re proud beings, conceited by their power over the universe and their ability to trample anybody who dare defy them.”
“Yet we will march against them?” Luhan asks. “Although we have failed once?”
“It’s different this time. This time we march not for our own greed, but for our rights. No matter what the crime, the Suns had no authority to take away the light given to us by the Gods. They are nobody to take that away from us.”
“So you support the war now?”
“I was never against it, just against the timing of it. But we will march as decided, and you shall have to make a choice, whether you will fight with us, or with the Suns.”
Luhan's eyes snap up in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re asking me this when I’ve already told you so many times that I want nothing to do with the Suns.”
Minseok pauses before answering. “Think of how it looks on your family, on your mother if you-“
“She is no mother of mine!” Luhan hisses. “My mother was the old woman, who found me afloat a river and had the heart to take me in and raise me as her son, and my father is no god to the rest of the world, but he is to me, because he taught me what I should know in life. And they both died as people of the Moon and I, too, am one of the Moons, as I shall be even for the war. And I will have nothing to do with egotistic women of royalty who do not care for their own blood and leave them to die.”
“And if the Suns do come,” he continues, softer this time. “Let them, but the only way I will go with them will be in chains and I will escape and I will come back. I will come back home.” He hesitates before carrying on. “I will come back to you. If-if you will have me.”
And both Luhan and Minseok know the dire uncertainty of the future. They both know that it’s only a matter of when that the Suns will be knocking at their door, who knows, they’re probably already here, slinking in the shadows and overhearing whispered conversations. For all Minseok knows Luhan will be gone tomorrow and the Suns will have declared war on them before they do.
Seven days Minseok has woken up to an empty bed without Luhan and seven days, he has sat up, hands going cold and palms going sweaty as he’d dressed quickly, intent on finding Luhan, because was he even still there? Had he finally left them for the Suns? Had he been captured by them, coerced to go when he hadn’t wanted to? Had he finally decided that Minseok was not worth his time and effort anymore?
Seven days of this, and Minseok isn’t sure if he can take even one more day. If tomorrow they would be ripped apart, if tonight would be the last night that they would be together, that Minseok could be with Luhan, then he’ll take it. He’ll take it because he’s weak and he’s a fool, but he’s a fool in love with a fool.
He’ll take it, although he doesn’t know if Luhan had lied to him or not, if he’s still lying to him or not. He’ll take it, even at the cost of getting daggered in the middle of the night by the one who already holds his heart. He’ll take it, because he’d rather have taken it, than have lost the chance.
”We’re meant to be together.”
It’s so sick that Minseok wants to laugh.
There’s starlight streaming in through the windows, casting strange shadows on the walls, shadows that look eerily like humans so Minseok shuts his eyes and plants a soft kiss under Luhan's jaw. They’re lying on the bed, under the sheets, legs entangled and bodies entwined so much that Minseok cannot make out if it’s him or it’s Luhan when his wiggling toes touch something.
He continues kissing down Luhan's jaw line, slowly and softly, over his Adam’s apple that bobs when he swallows, a gasp caught in his throat. Minseok pushes himself up onto his elbows and wriggles until he can kiss Luhan on the lips, tender at first, but then Luhan's hands come up to grip his waist and pull him closer and all the tenderness goes out the window.
They’re still sweaty and their skin is sticking to each other, but they’re still not sated, because how can they love each other enough in one night for all the loving they possibly won’t have for the rest of their lives?
Minseok finally figures out what is him and what is Luhan when they kick off the sheets to the bottom of the bed and his cock rubs deliciously against Luhan's thigh, already on its way to hardness. He brings his lips back to Luhan's, gasping a little into the kiss when he grinds against his thigh and he lifts it up a bit.
They almost fall off the bed when Luhan tries to slide up the bed to sit against the headboard against the pillows and their kiss breaks off into a fit of chortles. Luhan chases Minseok’s lips with his own, after they’ve settled back down, hands fisting in his hair as he brushes his lips down the side of his neck as Minseok grinds their hips together.
There’re fingers prodding his entrance then, wet, oil-slicked fingers and he exhales in a huff of exasperation when Luhan fits two of them inside him, because he can’t believe Luhan is stretching him again after they’ve just-
But his forehead falls against Luhan's shoulders when he scissors his fingers inside him, thrusting them slowly, but surely, adding another finger, and now Minseok knows why he’s doing this, it’s because he’s such a fucking tease-
Minseok whines low in his throat when Luhan curls his fingers inside him, against that spot inside that feels so good that he can’t help but arch his back, grinding back against them, trying to get them deeper. They’re both fully hard now; Minseok can feel Luhan against his stomach. As much as Minseok would love to ride Luhan's fingers, he gasps to Luhan to draw them out and settles on his knees with Luhan between his legs.
They both can’t help but gasp as Minseok sinks down on him in one smooth move and begins grinding his hips, breath catching because this angle is doing wonders to him, hitting all the good places with every thrust. Minseok moves slowly and Luhan makes no attempt to hurry him along because it feels good, to have a notion of time, when they don’t really have any, to have a notion of forever, when theirs has probably been ripped away, to have a notion of happiness, when Minseok isn’t sure he’ll smile again after Luhan is gone.
And he will be gone, they’re not deluding themselves. Whether by will or by force, whether tomorrow or after that, he will be gone and they will be apart, gods know for how long or even if they’ll be back together.
They keep at it, slow and steady, yet relentless, exchanging searing, open-mouthed kisses and it isn’t until it gets too much that Minseok ups the tempo, snapping his hips against Luhan's, matching his pace, until Luhan reaches between them, grasping Minseok's cock and stroking it firmly, and even this is slow, too slow for Minseok’s liking because he’s hovering on the edge, the precipice between something and nothing, they both are.
Minseok is the first to finish, coming all over Luhan's hand with a moan, hips still grinding as he rides the waves of pleasure with a gasp. Luhan is quick to follow with a groan, relishing the way Minseok clenches around him.
They sit slumped against the pillows, gasping for breath and exchanging lazy, messy kisses until Minseok almost falls asleep glued to Luhan's lips. Luhan laughs and squirms until they’re both lying on the pillows.
“When the Suns come for me,” Luhan whispers after a long silence and Minseok jerks because he had been half-asleep. “Don’t fight, alright? It won’t be good for the Moon Kingdom if you fight them. Pretend that you didn’t know, that I never told you and that you never found out. I’m sure if I insist on top of that that I deceived you all, the Suns won’t be so enraged at the Moons.”
Minseok says neither yes, nor no, but the answer is evident in his silence. He stares at Luhan's smiling eyes. They twinkle brighter than any star, even the Sun itself and Minseok isn’t sure he ever wants to look away. The Suns might have stolen the light of the Moon, but here was Minseok's light, right in front of him.
He spends the rest of the night struggling to keep his eyes open, even as Luhan gives in after some time. He spends the night committing Luhan's face to memory, every line, every eyelash, every single thing, because who knows when he’ll be able to see it again. He spends the night fighting off sleep, but succumbs eventually without realizing it.
And the bed beside Minseok is cold and empty when he wakes up with the first sun rays.
The war goes on for endless days and endless nights and endless months without any respite because the day is when the Suns are stronger and the night is when the Moons have an edge. It’s worse than the Great War, the lords of the Council tell Minseok. Only half of them are present, only the oldest ones who cannot fight, everybody else is on the battlefield.
Minseok has to stay behind in the palace, because no matter how good he is at combat, he is officially the Moon King, although he hasn’t been crowned yet, and it would do no good to them with him dead, or injured or worse, captured. His powers make the Moon what it is, and without them, Moon might just as well be a rock in space, floating aimlessly, without habitation, without people, without life.
The same applies to Luhan as well, but the only difference is that he is sitting in a room in a place where he does not belong, where he does not feel at home, where he is being used as a toy just for his powers.
(“Welcome back home, son,” she greets him, dressed in a canary yellow dress that makes Luhan's eyes hurt.
It’s the woman who birthed him, and the woman who left him to die. The woman who has no right to call him son.
Luhan feels rage simmering inside when he sets eyes on her face. The fact that he’s shackled in cuffs and chains does nothing but add to his anger.
“I would introduce myself,” she says, gliding further in, until she is right in front of him. The relentless grip of the guards on his arms does not change. “But I presume you have an idea of who I am, don’t you dear? How can any child forget his mother?”
Repulse rises inside him like a latent volcano ready to burst. “Let me go,” Luhan says, fury evident in his steely voice.
She waves a hand, and the guards instantly step aside, letting go of their iron grip on his arms, though the shackles still stay. Luhan almost wants to laugh. This is not the letting go he was talking about.
“I apologize, but I heard that you were being a little difficult, so they had no choice. Anyway, now that you’re here,” the queen continues, turning on her heels to lead him somewhere. “We have lots to catch up on. You must know that you are the heir to the Sun Throne and-“
“Take off the shackles, and let me go.”
The queen spins around and Luhan looks at her, the way she carries herself high like he has never seen a noble do before. They have the same soft features, thick and long eyelashes brushing fair cheeks, but she makes them look all wrong. She makes him hate his own face because he has no desire to take after her. The constantly displeased expression on her face repulses him to no end.
“Go where, my dear boy?” she asks, voice lilting from fake curiosity. The answer must have been obvious on his face because she laughs derisively the next second. “Go back to the Moon?! Now why would you want to do that, when you are here, back home with your dear mother?”
“This is not my home. And you are not my mother.”
“I’m not sure you understand. You are the Sun heir. The child of the Sun God. The to-be king. You must rule after the current King passes away-“
“I’m not sure you understand,” Luhan interrupts, eyes wild with temper. Who is this woman to tell him what he has to do, what is expected of him, what he is? Who is she to expect anything of him, when all she had done was abandon him to die when he was just a baby? Who is she to come strutting back into his life, at a time when he had actually been happy? “I have no desire to be King of anywhere, and you are nobody to tell me otherwise.”
“Desire?” she laughs incredulously, her voice loud and echoing in the room. “It is not a matter of your desire, you foolish boy. As the heir, it is your duty.”
Luhan is torn between laughing and shouting because here was a woman, calling herself his mother after she did nothing even remotely motherly, telling him that it was his duty as the heir of a kingdom that he did not belong to.
In the end he bites out, “Just let me go. I have no desire for the Crown, nor any interest in you and your kingdom.”
“No interest?!” the queen says, shrilly. “Nobody is asking for your interest or desires, boy! I don’t know what dung they have stuffed in your brains there, teaching you to disobey your own mother.”
“You are not my mother. What kind of a mother sets her child afloat a river? You were ashamed of me!”
“Yes, I was ashamed! Ashamed of the fact that you were born out of wedlock, in spite of the fact that you were the Sun God’s child!”
It hurts. Somewhere in his heart, a place that he didn’t know existed, it hurts to hear that, although Luhan has, years ago, already relegated her to just ‘the woman who gave birth to him’, from ‘mother’. It hurts to know that she had wanted to throw him away, even if he doesn’t want it to.
“Just let me go back home,” he says, very close to imploring. “I am of no use to you.”
“You might not be,” the queen replies. “But your powers are. So you are going nowhere, my dear.”
“Besides,” she continues airily. “You must recall the ease with which our spies could abduct you out of the Moon palace. There’s nothing to stop me from driving a sword through your dear lover’s heart while he sleeps. Interesting relationship you had there, going so easily from friends to lovers.”
Luhan feels the blood drain from his face, but he can no longer feel his legs as he slumps down on the floor without realizing it because they had underestimated the Suns so much, how long had she known his existence, how long had she known about him and Minseok, how long had she been following them-
“Just remember, dear prince. The Suns have their arrogance for a reason. You are nowhere, whereas me, I am everywhere. So you’ll do as you’re told if you want him to live.”
Luhan stays stock still because she had finally done it. She had taken everything from him for the second time in his life.)
Both the kingdoms have lost more than half of their people. More than half, Minseok thinks, lying on the makeshift bed in one of the inner sanctum rooms. The remaining lords and all the people from the palace who couldn’t fight had been ushered into similar sanctums under the palace. They had been taking shifts in sleeping, but Minseok had hardly slept at all, sword strapped to his hip. Only when he started feeling dizzy he had lain down and slept off the exhaustion.
It wasn’t safe out there anymore. People of the capital city were down with them, but all the other cities were being destroyed and burnt down by the Suns. The Moons were retaliating similarly on the Sun. Many of the people from both the kingdoms had fled to Earth for refuge, because the Earth Kingdom had sworn to have a neutral side in the war.
They all knew that both the sides would, in all possibility be completely obliterated, and it doesn’t have much impact on Minseok right now, still surrounded by people, but he knows that once the time comes to witness the devastation, it’ll be real. And he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to get life back on track in his kingdom, when they’re left with nothing, nothing but ashes and dead bodies and a lifetime of grief.
Or the Suns might even find them here, and kill them all, and then what would be left? Ashes and dead bodies and a lifetime of grief, but no one to grieve them.
(Maybe Luhan would, Minseok thinks, if he ever came to know. His mind also sprouts up the possibility that his own soldiers might do the same in the Sun Kingdom, but he rips out that weed immediately because he doesn’t want to think of that. Ever.)
It’s with such disturbing images that Minseok drifts off into a restless sleep.
He’s lying on something very soft, Minseok realizes. It’s not the hard mattress he had slept on. It takes a little effort for him to open his drowsy eyes, but before they can focus, there’s someone calling him, he realizes, but there’s a strange ringing in his ears.
The ringing fades away and his eyes focus and Minseok is not at all ready for the familiar brown hair and twinkling eyes that fill his vision and he jumps back, startled because howwhatwhere-
“Minseok, are you awake?” Luhan asks anxiously, waving his hands in front of his face.
Minseok nods, still dazed and looks around. They’re in the palace gardens and when Minseok tips his head back, he sees their favourite tree, the one where he and Luhan had so made so memories.
“How are we here?” he asks, getting up and brushing himself off. “Did I dream of the war? Or is this a dream?”
“No, the war happened,” Luhan says. “I remember it.”
His voice is almost melodious to Minseok's ears and he can’t help it when his hand finds Luhan's and he grasps it tightly. “How are you here?” he whispers, pulling him closer and closer and his other hand travels up Luhan's chest, up his neck and to frame his face, as if to remind himself that Luhan is really here and he’s real.
“I don’t know how,” Luhan whispers back, tilting his face into Minseok’s hand.
And then they need no more words as their lips meet, and they’re kissing because even if they don’t know where they are or how they’re there, they’re together, they’re finally back together and there’s no one to stop them now, nothing to stop them.
It’s another surprise when they finally break apart, because they aren’t in the gardens anymore, they’re in what looks like an enormous throne room. They jump apart then, because there on two high chairs are seated two men, dressed in the strangest robes Minseok has ever seen. He gulps nervously because he has seen them, in paintings, so many times, and they look so familiar because-
“Welcome, son,” one of them says, and it’s with a belated jolt that Minseok realises that it’s the Sun God.
And the other one has to be the Moon God.
They’re in front of the Gods.
The Gods that created their kingdoms.
The Gods that don’t look so happy right now.
Minseok doesn’t know what to do, because what does one do in the face of a God? Are they even real Gods? Should he bow? Is there a particular salutation to be used? Should they be introducing themselves? How did they get to the Gods anyway? Does this mean they’re dead?
“You’re not dead if that’s what’s you’re wondering,” the Moon God says. Either they can read minds or it’s really obvious from Minseok's face.
“`What have you been doing?” he says again and…is that disappointment Minseok can detect, laced with words?
They’re both quiet, like children being scolded for sneaking into the kitchen and eating cookies before dinner time. But it’s mostly because they don’t know what to say and what to do.
“Your kingdoms are falling to waste and what are you doing?” the Moon God demands, his tone sharper now.
Minseok does not answer, he cannot answer because there are goose bumps rising on his skin now, and he can feel the disappointment coming off them in waves that his body reacts to, limbs shivering and shaking. He feels Luhan sweat through his palms, their hands still clasped tight.
“I expected better from you, son,” the Sun God says, voice growing louder and echoing in the huge room. “I am most disappointed that you did not adhere to your duties.”
Luhan opens his mouth a little to respond about how he had not asked for this life and how everything would have been alright if the Suns had not abducted him, had not been the way they were, and his mother had not abandoned him, but he shuts it quickly. He does not want to be the first person to talk back to a God.
“Greed, avarice, lust and love blinded you so much,” he continues, almost spitting out each word, bristling with anger. “So much that you succeeded in annihilating the world.”
Minseok bites his lip. They make it look like they’re the villains here, like he was supposed to stop a war that was inevitable, like a monarch that had no real powers was supposed to go against the Council, like it was his greatest sin to fall in love with his child, whom he hadn’t bothered to look for before. If he had been so bothered about Luhan, where had he been when Luhan had needed him?
But they’re still Gods, unfair as they might be, and they could probably kill them without a word, so Minseok refrains from saying anything, because he’s finally met Luhan again and he’s not going to let even the Gods to come between them again.
The Moon God sighs. “Karma must take its debt. There must be retribution doled out.”
Luhan's head snaps up in disbelief. They can’t be serious. Why are they being punished for something that wasn’t entirely their fault? All they had really done was fallen in love, nothing else! They had done absolutely nothing wrong-
“The sun and the moon will reign together, but there will be a price. You shall both be made one with your kingdoms. Luhan and Minseok shall be eternalized as the sun and the moon, forever and ever, and you will never be together again. The only kingdom to have life henceforth will be the earth, and the people will have no knowledge or memories of your kingdoms. The sun will rule the day sky and the moon the night and you will be kept apart forever as a price to pay for your immense selfishness.”
Luhan and Minseok exchange a panicked glance because what in the world is this, are they serious, is this a twisted joke, a warped dream or a nightmare of some sort because this can’t be happening, not now, not like this, what was even going on-
But before they can speak a word, there’s a snap of a finger and time comes to a standstill. Luhan and Minseok are forced to stand motionless while the Gods right the world again.
“Such a pity,” the Moon God says looking at them emotionlessly, and snaps his fingers again.
And when time starts anew, the world is not as it was before; it is a very different place.
And this is the story of the sun and the moon and how they came to be, best friends and lovers separated forever. This is the story of Minseok and Luhan, of their love, their passionate love that burnt the world and destroyed it. This is the story of how the sun chases the moon and the moon chases the sun in vain, in a never ending cycle of day and night because they were never meant to be. This is the story of why the dawn and dusk are the most beautiful times of the day, because that is when the sun and the moon are together in the sky, if only for some fleeting moments, and their happiness knows no bounds, so the entire world can see their eternal love.
”And thus, the sun, he loves the moon so much, he dies every night to let the moon breathe.”