(no subject)
I've decided I'm the kind of person that never really has perminent friends. I make friends, we stay friends for a while, and then either something big happens, or both of us just drift off into the distance. I'm not sure why things are so. I dont ALWAYS push people away, and I know not everyone gets sick of me. The only friend I've had for a prolonged time is Jin. Since kindergarden bitch, since kindergarden. Netty and I would definately still be friends if she hadn't of moved, and if we just kept in touch. Maybe thats it. I just lose touch with everyone.
It's not that I'm searching for an answer, or how to fix it, I've accepted that I probably wont have too many friends when I'm out of high school, I'm not the kind of person who can handle having a million friends. But it would be nice to have a little more stability.
Alyssa and I were talking about it, I'm sure I've mentioned it. We were talking about how I was always the girl whose friends were stolen by the cooler, more intresting girl, and how in the end I was always left in the corner talking to my many imiginary friends. She was always the girl who stole the other girl's friends. She was like Ashley Hughes. She was the girl who ate worms and had the sparkely penicls, and always catupred everyones attention.
Thats probably the only reason I did the talent show with Shiela and Susannah in the third grade. I wanted the attention. I wanted to be SEEN. People still won't let me live that down.
Its things like that who shaped who I am now. The loud obnoxious girl who hasn't quite found her place in the workings yet. I'm still that girl whose friends are taken away, but now I try to make more friends in their repalcement, rather than just make them up. And I'm okay with that.
I'm a traveler, a wanderer. I don't think I was meant to stay in one place for a long time. I think I'll explore, I'll push the horizons, I'll find my own peace, but I'll never be alone.
I never did have trouble making friends. It was keeping them that was hard.
It's not that I'm searching for an answer, or how to fix it, I've accepted that I probably wont have too many friends when I'm out of high school, I'm not the kind of person who can handle having a million friends. But it would be nice to have a little more stability.
Alyssa and I were talking about it, I'm sure I've mentioned it. We were talking about how I was always the girl whose friends were stolen by the cooler, more intresting girl, and how in the end I was always left in the corner talking to my many imiginary friends. She was always the girl who stole the other girl's friends. She was like Ashley Hughes. She was the girl who ate worms and had the sparkely penicls, and always catupred everyones attention.
Thats probably the only reason I did the talent show with Shiela and Susannah in the third grade. I wanted the attention. I wanted to be SEEN. People still won't let me live that down.
Its things like that who shaped who I am now. The loud obnoxious girl who hasn't quite found her place in the workings yet. I'm still that girl whose friends are taken away, but now I try to make more friends in their repalcement, rather than just make them up. And I'm okay with that.
I'm a traveler, a wanderer. I don't think I was meant to stay in one place for a long time. I think I'll explore, I'll push the horizons, I'll find my own peace, but I'll never be alone.
I never did have trouble making friends. It was keeping them that was hard.