(no subject)
Oh right.....I'm supposed to be in a relationship to type a journal entry. Well there is no relationship anymore. Today is possibly the worst day of my life. I can't believe how things can be so incredibly great and then in a 24 hour period be destroyed. I don't know...have u ever been too totally heart-broken and frustrated at the same time, that you want to cry but can't? I don't know about anybody else, but crying has always helped me feel better and I just can't. Why is it though that I feel so horrible, like I did something wrong, something condemnable. ALL I DID WAS LOVE HER! But that fact scares her, so much. I guess things would have been better if I lied throughout the relationship. If I pretended to like her less, she would have stayed with me longer. But honesty only causes heartache in relationships. It's true that too much honesty is bad thing and I found that out the hard way.
I find myself beating myself up over the fact that we'd still be together if I hadn't had had the urge to call her. The possibility that that one conversation would ruin our relationship completely wasn't even conceivable by me at that time. It was too much for her, she couldn't handle me being in love with her. I guess that she only wanted a relationship for fun, she never wanted it to amount to anything, and I should have known that from the start. The signs were all there, I just wanted to ignore them, fool myself into believing that maybe....I might be good enough for her.
But I wasn't, I'm not, I won't be...I know she deserves better than me but it won't stop me from loving her. She wants her ex, not me, somehow he's worthy and I'm not. But that's just how things turn out sometimes.
Fate is a bitch.
There are no second chances.