What If?
It's always "what if"?! What if, what if, what if! Eish! I have yet to hear back from Language Link about when would be best to interview and even though nothing has changed yet I'm filled with doubts about going, doubts (and certainties) about staying, and about questions from ages ago! It's just ridiculous (please pronounce that the way my godmother does when she's frustrated - it's most appropriate for my mood and situation right now :-) ).
If Language Link would just schedule something I could move resolutely in one direction or another. Instead they leave me in limbo! I have a budget and if I lose a $300 chunk to rent 'cause of over-staying where I'm at right now I can't go! "You drive me? You drive me crazy!" (Name that movie :-) - and yes, my life is a string of movie quotes, I know and I'm sorry, it makes me sad too.)
Sigh. Okay, getting a grip. Your prayers! Some days I commit myself to God and the care of the Most Pure and my Angel and my protector, but then others I wonder why I bother and ignore them all, living my life as I would live it. I ran into an old friend from SAU Custodial earlier at work tonight (at Meijer) and he said he kept trying to leave Michigan and God kept telling him he needed to stay here.
Sometimes I wonder if that sort of thing's why I'm stuck here, working these crap jobs that barely keep me going and don't provide enough to save for American necessities (like a car of my own). It's that wondering that makes me rebel against God so much I think - sometimes I completely, 100% hate being stuck here and resent Him for leaving me here. Other times I'm so grateful to be here, and still others I see the points in my life where if I'd seen my position could have resolutely moved in a direction that, though longer in course, would have gotten me headed out of here by now.
Enough. It's late and I have to be in at the Call Center by 10am. I only have a 13-hour work day coming up, but 6 hours of sleep is bad enough, it don't need to be 5 or less like it has been lately. Again, your prayers, your prayers...
If Language Link would just schedule something I could move resolutely in one direction or another. Instead they leave me in limbo! I have a budget and if I lose a $300 chunk to rent 'cause of over-staying where I'm at right now I can't go! "You drive me? You drive me crazy!" (Name that movie :-) - and yes, my life is a string of movie quotes, I know and I'm sorry, it makes me sad too.)
Sigh. Okay, getting a grip. Your prayers! Some days I commit myself to God and the care of the Most Pure and my Angel and my protector, but then others I wonder why I bother and ignore them all, living my life as I would live it. I ran into an old friend from SAU Custodial earlier at work tonight (at Meijer) and he said he kept trying to leave Michigan and God kept telling him he needed to stay here.
Sometimes I wonder if that sort of thing's why I'm stuck here, working these crap jobs that barely keep me going and don't provide enough to save for American necessities (like a car of my own). It's that wondering that makes me rebel against God so much I think - sometimes I completely, 100% hate being stuck here and resent Him for leaving me here. Other times I'm so grateful to be here, and still others I see the points in my life where if I'd seen my position could have resolutely moved in a direction that, though longer in course, would have gotten me headed out of here by now.
Enough. It's late and I have to be in at the Call Center by 10am. I only have a 13-hour work day coming up, but 6 hours of sleep is bad enough, it don't need to be 5 or less like it has been lately. Again, your prayers, your prayers...