ignorance is bliss...
It's been a rough couple of days; I've been deprssed and having semi-uncontrollable crying jags. It's been very stressful on R.
It's all been about realizing how much I've lost; independence, time-senes, physical balance (I often feel like I have permanent vertigo)), the ability to focus on one task at a time, good decision making skills...
Today the thought occurred to me that I might be much happier if I wasn't so cognizent of what I've lost. I wonder if that's how it was for my ex-mother-in-law.. .She was brain damaged in a car accident, and went through a complete personality change; very childlike, and she never seemed to question her circumstances at all...
This is not who I want to be for the rest of my life... I suddenly undestand why some cancer patients get suicidal. Albeit, for most of them it's about checking out before the pain gets too bad.. But what about emotional pain? Is that any less legitimate? I know it's why mhy my great uncle (grandpa's brother) decided to take his life (it was in the note). Said he just couldnt' stand the treatment z(something about claustrophobia or something I think)
NO, I am NOT suicidal; I was just kinda hatin' my life the past 2 days *sigh*
I suppose we can just put it down to the steroid weaing process (I'm still on 1/2 pill in the morning & 1/2 at lunch.
It's all been about realizing how much I've lost; independence, time-senes, physical balance (I often feel like I have permanent vertigo)), the ability to focus on one task at a time, good decision making skills...
Today the thought occurred to me that I might be much happier if I wasn't so cognizent of what I've lost. I wonder if that's how it was for my ex-mother-in-law.. .She was brain damaged in a car accident, and went through a complete personality change; very childlike, and she never seemed to question her circumstances at all...
This is not who I want to be for the rest of my life... I suddenly undestand why some cancer patients get suicidal. Albeit, for most of them it's about checking out before the pain gets too bad.. But what about emotional pain? Is that any less legitimate? I know it's why mhy my great uncle (grandpa's brother) decided to take his life (it was in the note). Said he just couldnt' stand the treatment z(something about claustrophobia or something I think)
NO, I am NOT suicidal; I was just kinda hatin' my life the past 2 days *sigh*
I suppose we can just put it down to the steroid weaing process (I'm still on 1/2 pill in the morning & 1/2 at lunch.