Rock and Read 015 - Kenzo's personal interview part 1
Rock and Read 015
Kenzo (Ayabie)
Things that I decided on my own
While he’s living each day to the full right now, he hated himself up to middle school. This is the painful and heartwarming story of Kenzo, who, having inherited the DNA of his steadfast grandfather, managed to change himself. Though he laughs and calls himself indecisive, he’s a strong person who possesses the unwavering will to resolutely follow through with everything he decides to do.
Profile
The drummer of Ayabie, which was formed in 2004. The other members are Aoi (vocals), Yumehito (guitar), Takehito (guitar), Intetsu (bass). On the 26th of September, the new maxi single Yubisaki had a limited release of 10,000 copies. On the 6th of October, the long tour “The Brilliant Parade” just came to an end. The finale was a one-man show at Hibiya Open-air Concert Hall, notwithstanding their indies status.
- Kenzo was born and bred in Tokyo, right?
I moved to the suburbs for a period of time in elementary school when my house was undergoing reconstruction, but otherwise I’m a city dweller, born and bred in Shibuya-ku.
-How did you play, as a city kid?
I was introverted as a kid. Well, it’s still the same way now, but I was an otaku, and used to love anime, figurines, games, that kind of stuff. My house had a garden, so during my kindergarten years I used to play there. I also played and fought with my younger sister, who’s three years younger than me.
-Three years’ difference; that made her a perfect partner to play and fight with, didn’t it?
Yes, exactly. I still remember a fight we had in elementary school where I was stabbed in the head with a scissors. At that time I thought I was going to die……
-You had such violent quarrels?
We did. We’ve only recently become close, actually.
-In any case, that you lived in a house with a garden in the Shibuya-ku district, doesn’t that make you a veritable “young master”*?
……you can say that (laughs). But I’ve never been able to call myself a really rich person, per se. Well, that’s what I might seem to be from the viewpoint of the casual observer, but I myself have never really had any money up to now.
- (laughs) So, living in that house were the four of you and?
At first we were living with my grandfather and grandmother, three generations of us living together. Afterwards, my cousin came to live with us as well.
-And so, what kind of obocchama life did you lead? [obocchama/obocchan = young master]
My elementary and middle schools were private. In elementary school I took tests, and passed by chance.
-Eh, Kenzo, you “sat for tests”?
I did. I sat for tests (laughs). I don’t remember what they were testing for, but I think they were something like IQ tests.
-Did you find school fun?
It was fun, but it was far from where I lived. Looking back now, I’m thinking, I commuted quite a lot, didn’t I~.
-Taking the train on your own?
Yes.
-Being a city kid is like that, isn’t it. The sight of small children commuting to school by train is a common one. Their commutation passes dangling from their school satchels.
Yeah, yeah. It was just like that (laughs). At first I was afraid of taking the train on my own, but I got used to it almost immediately. Only, the school premises were really big. I had to walk quite a bit from the train station. I got tired just getting school.
-Even so, you went to school as you should have, didn’t you?
From that time, I wanted to be able to keep to whatever I’d decided to do. Though I couldn’t do things that other people had decided for me at all.
-To do what you’d decided to, was your parents’ teaching?
No, no one actually told me to live that way. The things my parents made me do, piano and swimming and cram school, that kind of thing, I didn’t hold any interest in them if I myself didn’t want to do them. But at that time I didn’t know what defiance was, so I went for them anyway.
-How long did you play the piano for?
From elementary school to around the third year of middle school. As for swimming, during the first year of elementary school I tried it once and stopped right away, then started going again in the first year of middle school. Because I didn’t dislike swimming.
-Was your upbringing strict?
My parents themselves were lenient, but I think in their own way, they were strict. They made me go for extracurricular lessons, and wanted me to take the path of the elite. Both my parents were chefs, though. They didn’t want me to take any untrodden paths. But even so, I became this dork… you could say.
-We’ll talk more on that later, so let’s hear a little more about your life as a cute little boy first.
Hahahah (laughs)
-I’m interested in your commutation to school by train; weren’t there any instances where you were tempted into taking detours?
There were, there were. In my senior year of elementary school, I alighted at a stop on the way to mine with friends, kind of like “It seems like fun so let’s go”. At the interchange, we’d take routes we’d never taken before.
-Your adventurous spirit was fired up.
It’s not as if there was anything special there, but going to new places with friends was fun.
-Boys generally spend their childhood making secret bases in the mountains and things like that, but you lived in an environment where you couldn’t do such things?
Ah, I did when I was younger. When I went to the house of a friend who lived in the suburbs, nature was all around. We made a secret base in the woods and caught rhinoceros beetles, things like that. In retrospect, I seemed to have been an outdoors type. My family had a villa……
-Eh, a villa? Doesn’t that make you completely and unquestionably an obocchan?
That’s true (laughs)! Every summer holiday, my parents would take me to the villa. I thought that was normal. All my friends had these things, too.
-You had good summer breaks, didn’t you?
My father is an outdoors type, so he wanted to make me do everything. We went to the river to catch fish, things like that, and enjoyed the clean air.
-What kind of child were you in school?
In elementary school I studied things like English plays, so I did things that involved performing in front of people.
-You did this of your own volition?
No, I was made to do it. It wasn’t fun in itself, but it was fun going there and talking with friends. That became part of my life.
-When did you stand on the stage for the first time?
Ah, that was at a piano recital. During first year of elementary school, in a small hall. I was very nervous…… I made a lot of mistakes (laughs). This happened recently, but at the Tokyo Kosei Nenkin Hall (2007-01-07) I felt that same nervousness for the first time in a long while. It brought to mind that time in the recital hall~. At the Nakano Sun Plaza (2006-03-31) I wasn’t nervous, but at Kounen…… I think it was because I had a drum solo. Because of that extra part I made mistakes (laughs)!
-Piano recital, part deux? And at this juncture of your life, too (laughs).
But come to think of it, at that time I was reading from a score, but now I’m not.
-It’s a waste (laughs). At the piano recital, you weren’t awakened to the thrill of playing in front of people?
I wasn’t. Elementary school was the most fun time for me, but I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Having my own volition, it’s something I’ve only recently acquired.
-“When I grow up, I want to be XXX”, you didn’t think about that at all?
I liked cars so I wanted to be an F1 racer, and in grade 6 of elementary school I wanted to be a game producer. But these were only vague dreams. So really, because I didn’t have my own will or volition, I want to erase all my memories before my first year of middle school.
-You hated it to that extent?
Well, about that, I didn’t like myself. I didn’t think I was dependable. For example, I thought that I, who didn’t go against the classes my parents made me go to, was a really weak specimen of humanity. In elementary school, when I didn’t like it I would cry. ……recently, my parents asked me, “At that time, when you cried, were you trying to say that you hated it?”
-That was probably it. I don’t think you had any other means of expressing that. You cried a lot?
Yeah, I really cried a lot. And from grade 4 to grade 5 of elementary school, the gap between the time when I was being bullied and when I bullied others was really bad.
-How were you bullied?
In a one-on-one circumstance I was able to fight back on an equal standing, but there were one-against-many circumstances. At that time I felt humiliated, so I cried.
-But in contrary, there were times when you bullied others?
There were. I thought they were annoying.
-What did you do to them, when you were annoyed?
During soccer games, I’d kick the ball at their faces on purpose, and during dodgeball, I’d aim for their faces on purpose, things like that. Also, during lunch break when we were running and playing in the schoolyard, I’d definitely chase them. It was this kind of trivial things.
-They were trivial, but mean (laughs). But they don’t seem spiteful.
We did do things like ignoring the other person. When commuting to school, if there was an annoying guy we’d push him out onto the platform in the moment when the doors were closing.
-That’s dangerous.
But you know, I understood. The person who gets bullied is wrong. The people who bully are naturally also wrong, though.
-What do you think you were doing wrong, when you were being bullied?
I didn’t have my own volition…… is definitely the reason, I think. I couldn’t communicate to the others my sense of purpose. Which is why I hated myself, and I didn’t know what to do to change myself. That continued until around second year of middle school. I was always thinking, “What am I doing?”
-From that time, possibly you were always looking for the reason for your existence.
Perhaps.
-Did you ever transfer schools?
I did, in middle school. Around that time I disliked school in general, and in middle school aren’t there people who are sitting for tests seriously?
-So it was because a disparity was formed.
I thought that it was pretty bad. I had the strong feeling that I wasn’t suited to studying.
-Eh, were you able to study in elementary school?
No, I wasn’t very smart or anything, but I did study for subjects that I liked. Also, in elementary school, you can’t exactly fail.
-(laughs) When you transferred schools, or graduated from elementary to middle school, did you ever feel that in the new environment you could become a different person than the person you were that you didn’t like to be, and tried to change?
I did, I did. It was fine when I moved up to middle school. I became more mischievous, and the chances for me to do stupid things with my friends increased. But in the second semester of my first year of middle school when I transferred schools, I thought, “I’ve been done in”.
-Did something happen?
My second school was a school in my hometown, and there was a guy I was friends with who went to the same cram school as I did. I was set up by that guy. I transferred to that school and he beat me up. I said that I became more mischievous in middle school, which might have been why he accused me, “Aren’t you getting cocky?” But afterwards we became friends.
-Eh, why?
In that school, it seems that there was no one who dared to go against that guy and his group. But I didn’t know that, and naturally I didn’t want to lose in a fight.
-So it was like that. He probably wanted to show that he was the strongest.
Yes. He only said this recently, but on his side, it seems that he felt “There were people whom I picked fights with, but there weren’t any people who were strong enough to pick fights with me”, and we’ve always been close since then.
-Do you think transferring schools was a good thing, for you?
It was good… probably? No, it was definitely a good thing. I met those guys, and I made friends in my hometown.
-Did you become a new person?
I think I did, in the very end. In middle school I wasn’t bullied, and those years passed quite quietly.
-What happened to the self who was unable to express his sense of purpose?
In second year of middle school I still hadn’t changed. It was in the third year of middle school, when I found music, that I was able to express my own purpose.
-Just now, when you were deciding on the drinks menu, you said “I’m indecisive so I can’t decide”; was the root of that your directionless childhood?
What could it be? For example, if there are two kinds of pasta I want to eat, I’d order both kinds, because I can’t decide.
-If you’re unsure, you’d just get both, right from the start. It’s true that if you do that you won’t have any regrets.
Yeah, I don’t want to have regrets.
-What comes to mind, in terms of what you played during middle school?
It was all gaming. From that time I was already an indoors type. Ah, but in the school grounds of the university nearby I played survival games. Also I played soccer as a soccer club member from grade four of elementary school to first year of middle school, but I quit and joined the shogi club. [shogi = Japanese chess]
-That’s a very rude change.
I got tired of sports.
-Wasn’t that a bit early, to be tired of sports?
But outside of school, I was also going to swimming school. So, in school I was in the shogi club.
-Actually, you didn’t do anything for club activities, did you?
That’s right (laughs)
-Were there any girls you liked?
There were. In elementary school there was a girl I liked, and at a class reunion I told her, “I liked you then,” and she told me, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
-(laughs) Which is to say, “To think that I liked you back”, isn’t it?
……(nodding silently)
-That was regrettable, wasn’t it?
It was (laughs). But even having said that, confessing as an elementary school kid just wouldn’t do, would it?
-So, in middle school?
There were three girls (laughs)
-At the same time?
No, it was spread out. I went out properly with one of them. I didn’t date the second one, but up to now we’re still good friends. We’re on good terms, to the extent that I think, “Friendship between a girl and a boy, this is probably it.” And the last girl, there’s a funny story behind that one. In the third year of middle school, I confessed over the telephone.
-The home phone?
Yeah. So, the girl’s mother picked up, and I asked, “May I speak to XXX, please?” and she said, “Hold on,” and the girl picked up. So I confessed, saying, “I like you, so-“, but I was refused. And then, goodness knows how many days later, I told that close female friend of mine, “I was rejected.” She was friends with the girl who’d rejected me, and it seems that she had heard of it from that girl. But that girl hadn’t known the confession was from me. It appears that her mother had given her the wrong name.
-Ehhh (laughs)! Okaasan, how terrible. [okaasan = mother]
That’s how it was. My friend said, “The name was wrong, but that was Kenzo, wasn’t it?” And then when she asked, “What will you do?” but I said “Never mind, it’s fine not telling her!” (laughs)
-If she’d known it was Kenzo, it might have gone well……?
I wouldn’t know (laughs). But in middle school I was very introverted, so I really can’t say.
-But in any case you would definitely express your feelings to people you liked.
Yes, I did!
-So, let’s hear about what it was that turned your life around.
KISS!! [the American rock band]
-Eh, all of a sudden, KISS? Was the music that you’d been listening to up to then Western?
It was. My parents liked The Beatles. What was generally playing in my home was The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, King Crimson, and so on. Billy Joel.
-So that was Kenzo’s daily music. You didn’t listen to J-pop?
I did. Amuro Namie, Southern All Stars, and so on. The first CD I bought was Downtown-san’s Eccentric Shounen Boy and Kondo Masahiko’s Midnight Shuffle.
-So, where and how did you get into KISS?
I really loved American comics, like Spiderman, X-Men, Spawn. I was collecting their figurines, and at that time KISS had just re-formed and the figurines had been made, and when I saw their figurines for the first time I thought, “These figures are really cool~”. And then when I looked at the picture beside the figurines, it was of the same people.
-The window to KISS was figurines…… (in shock).
So, these are people who’re playing music~. What kind of music do they play? Was what I was wondering, so I listened to them and was taken by their music.
-You started liking KISS through figures…… (laughs).
It’s rare, isn’t it? From then on it was really terrible. AC/DC, Van Halen, and other music that can be called hard rock; I listened to all of it, and when I got my pocket money, I used it all on CDs. My lunch money also disappeared the same way.
-And when that happened, your life was changed.
Yes, that’s how it was. Everything I liked was related to hard rock, for example silver accessories, sake, motorbikes and so on. And leather jackets and pants, too. From my first to third year of high school, I was also caught up in the fashion, and dressed in leather and in satin shirts, like a chinpira [chinpira = yakuza punk] (laughs)
-And of course, you were also interested in KISS’ make-up?
I did it. I bought white face paint at Tokyu House and did the make-up, then took pictures. Now that I think about it, I started in Visual Kei from then.
-Everyone around was shocked by this change, weren’t they?
But my parents understood it. They were the ones who kicked it off, actually. They found out where to find leather pants. That was the first time I went to Harajuku of my own will.
-Oh, so that was the first time you moved according to your own volition. But looking at it from an outsider’s perspective, it would seem like Kenzo became a delinquent, wouldn’t it?
You could also call it a high school debut, but yes; the people around me must have seen it that way (laughs). Well, to be precise it was actually around the third year of middle school. Thanks to meeting KISS, one core part of who I am was formed.
-What instrument were you interested in, at first?
It was the guitar. Actually, I liked KISS’ Gene Simmons, so I wanted to play the bass. But my parents told me, “If you want to play the bass, it’s better to start from the guitar”, so I started on the guitar. But I couldn’t play it (laughs). I couldn’t hold down a normal guitar cord. I thought, I’m a person who can’t play the guitar… which is to say that I most likely can’t play the bass either. But I wanted to play an instrument no matter what, and it just so happened that at that time I had a hundred thousand yen in savings. I thought, “This is definitely a test from the god of music.” With the determination of a lifetime, I bought a drum set. Even though I’d never so much as touched one.
-You just bought it suddenly (laughs).
And then I told my parents, “I bought a drum set, so I’ll be playing it here (in my room)”. My very understanding parents just said, “Okay.”
-But your neighbours probably had something to say about that, didn’t they?
They did, very much so. At that time my cousin was living with us, and my grandfather and grandmother lived on the first floor, so I think I must really have been a nuisance. But my grandfather is someone who doesn’t really say things directly, so my grandmother was the one who told me that he said “If it’s something that he likes, then I have no complaints whatsoever.”
-You have a wonderful grandfather, don’t you~.
I do! He’s cool, isn’t he? And the fact that he didn’t say it to me directly is another level of coolness. I respect him a lot.
-And so you practiced hard?
The drum set came, and was set up. And then I tried it, and I could play it right from the start.
-It’s your calling.
I watched videos of KISS and imitated them, thinking, “It’s something like this”, and at the start my hands and legs were all over the place. And I thought, “Oh, I might be able to do this!” - that was my initial misinterpretation (laughs). That’s how it started.
-So predictably you only played hard rock?
That’s how it was in third year of middle school, but in high school I had a lot of friends who liked punk. Melodic Hardcore was popular then; High Standard, Rancid, (Sex) Pistols, Green Day and so on. It was faster and more intense than hard rock and I thought it was cool, so I formed a punk band with a friend. We did covers of the Pistols and High Standard. It was very fun. We played at livehouses like Koenji’s Ritz and 20000V.
-By the way, what was the first live you’d ever seen?
What was it? ……ah, a friend I met in high school liked Van Halen and more maniacal metal bands. At that time I didn’t know much about metal but I listened to Racer X and Mister Big and thought “What is this guitar?” (laughs). And after that when I listened to Stratovarius I thought, “This is it!” It was like a fusion of the hard rock I liked and the Final Fantasy music I’d liked since I was a kid.
-You like dramatic music, maybe?
Yes, that’s right. Fantastical, grand, sad melodies. And fast and intense. So, from that time I thought metal was the coolest music in the world, and from then on I was lost to metal.
-Which is to say that the very first music you were influenced by was Final Fantasy.
Yeah. The world of Final Fantasy music created by Uematsu Nobuo-san. That’s my number one. [Final Fantasy music is really the best!]
--> part two!
Kenzo (Ayabie)
Things that I decided on my own
While he’s living each day to the full right now, he hated himself up to middle school. This is the painful and heartwarming story of Kenzo, who, having inherited the DNA of his steadfast grandfather, managed to change himself. Though he laughs and calls himself indecisive, he’s a strong person who possesses the unwavering will to resolutely follow through with everything he decides to do.
Profile
The drummer of Ayabie, which was formed in 2004. The other members are Aoi (vocals), Yumehito (guitar), Takehito (guitar), Intetsu (bass). On the 26th of September, the new maxi single Yubisaki had a limited release of 10,000 copies. On the 6th of October, the long tour “The Brilliant Parade” just came to an end. The finale was a one-man show at Hibiya Open-air Concert Hall, notwithstanding their indies status.
- Kenzo was born and bred in Tokyo, right?
I moved to the suburbs for a period of time in elementary school when my house was undergoing reconstruction, but otherwise I’m a city dweller, born and bred in Shibuya-ku.
-How did you play, as a city kid?
I was introverted as a kid. Well, it’s still the same way now, but I was an otaku, and used to love anime, figurines, games, that kind of stuff. My house had a garden, so during my kindergarten years I used to play there. I also played and fought with my younger sister, who’s three years younger than me.
-Three years’ difference; that made her a perfect partner to play and fight with, didn’t it?
Yes, exactly. I still remember a fight we had in elementary school where I was stabbed in the head with a scissors. At that time I thought I was going to die……
-You had such violent quarrels?
We did. We’ve only recently become close, actually.
-In any case, that you lived in a house with a garden in the Shibuya-ku district, doesn’t that make you a veritable “young master”*?
……you can say that (laughs). But I’ve never been able to call myself a really rich person, per se. Well, that’s what I might seem to be from the viewpoint of the casual observer, but I myself have never really had any money up to now.
- (laughs) So, living in that house were the four of you and?
At first we were living with my grandfather and grandmother, three generations of us living together. Afterwards, my cousin came to live with us as well.
-And so, what kind of obocchama life did you lead? [obocchama/obocchan = young master]
My elementary and middle schools were private. In elementary school I took tests, and passed by chance.
-Eh, Kenzo, you “sat for tests”?
I did. I sat for tests (laughs). I don’t remember what they were testing for, but I think they were something like IQ tests.
-Did you find school fun?
It was fun, but it was far from where I lived. Looking back now, I’m thinking, I commuted quite a lot, didn’t I~.
-Taking the train on your own?
Yes.
-Being a city kid is like that, isn’t it. The sight of small children commuting to school by train is a common one. Their commutation passes dangling from their school satchels.
Yeah, yeah. It was just like that (laughs). At first I was afraid of taking the train on my own, but I got used to it almost immediately. Only, the school premises were really big. I had to walk quite a bit from the train station. I got tired just getting school.
-Even so, you went to school as you should have, didn’t you?
From that time, I wanted to be able to keep to whatever I’d decided to do. Though I couldn’t do things that other people had decided for me at all.
-To do what you’d decided to, was your parents’ teaching?
No, no one actually told me to live that way. The things my parents made me do, piano and swimming and cram school, that kind of thing, I didn’t hold any interest in them if I myself didn’t want to do them. But at that time I didn’t know what defiance was, so I went for them anyway.
-How long did you play the piano for?
From elementary school to around the third year of middle school. As for swimming, during the first year of elementary school I tried it once and stopped right away, then started going again in the first year of middle school. Because I didn’t dislike swimming.
-Was your upbringing strict?
My parents themselves were lenient, but I think in their own way, they were strict. They made me go for extracurricular lessons, and wanted me to take the path of the elite. Both my parents were chefs, though. They didn’t want me to take any untrodden paths. But even so, I became this dork… you could say.
-We’ll talk more on that later, so let’s hear a little more about your life as a cute little boy first.
Hahahah (laughs)
-I’m interested in your commutation to school by train; weren’t there any instances where you were tempted into taking detours?
There were, there were. In my senior year of elementary school, I alighted at a stop on the way to mine with friends, kind of like “It seems like fun so let’s go”. At the interchange, we’d take routes we’d never taken before.
-Your adventurous spirit was fired up.
It’s not as if there was anything special there, but going to new places with friends was fun.
-Boys generally spend their childhood making secret bases in the mountains and things like that, but you lived in an environment where you couldn’t do such things?
Ah, I did when I was younger. When I went to the house of a friend who lived in the suburbs, nature was all around. We made a secret base in the woods and caught rhinoceros beetles, things like that. In retrospect, I seemed to have been an outdoors type. My family had a villa……
-Eh, a villa? Doesn’t that make you completely and unquestionably an obocchan?
That’s true (laughs)! Every summer holiday, my parents would take me to the villa. I thought that was normal. All my friends had these things, too.
-You had good summer breaks, didn’t you?
My father is an outdoors type, so he wanted to make me do everything. We went to the river to catch fish, things like that, and enjoyed the clean air.
-What kind of child were you in school?
In elementary school I studied things like English plays, so I did things that involved performing in front of people.
-You did this of your own volition?
No, I was made to do it. It wasn’t fun in itself, but it was fun going there and talking with friends. That became part of my life.
-When did you stand on the stage for the first time?
Ah, that was at a piano recital. During first year of elementary school, in a small hall. I was very nervous…… I made a lot of mistakes (laughs). This happened recently, but at the Tokyo Kosei Nenkin Hall (2007-01-07) I felt that same nervousness for the first time in a long while. It brought to mind that time in the recital hall~. At the Nakano Sun Plaza (2006-03-31) I wasn’t nervous, but at Kounen…… I think it was because I had a drum solo. Because of that extra part I made mistakes (laughs)!
-Piano recital, part deux? And at this juncture of your life, too (laughs).
But come to think of it, at that time I was reading from a score, but now I’m not.
-It’s a waste (laughs). At the piano recital, you weren’t awakened to the thrill of playing in front of people?
I wasn’t. Elementary school was the most fun time for me, but I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Having my own volition, it’s something I’ve only recently acquired.
-“When I grow up, I want to be XXX”, you didn’t think about that at all?
I liked cars so I wanted to be an F1 racer, and in grade 6 of elementary school I wanted to be a game producer. But these were only vague dreams. So really, because I didn’t have my own will or volition, I want to erase all my memories before my first year of middle school.
-You hated it to that extent?
Well, about that, I didn’t like myself. I didn’t think I was dependable. For example, I thought that I, who didn’t go against the classes my parents made me go to, was a really weak specimen of humanity. In elementary school, when I didn’t like it I would cry. ……recently, my parents asked me, “At that time, when you cried, were you trying to say that you hated it?”
-That was probably it. I don’t think you had any other means of expressing that. You cried a lot?
Yeah, I really cried a lot. And from grade 4 to grade 5 of elementary school, the gap between the time when I was being bullied and when I bullied others was really bad.
-How were you bullied?
In a one-on-one circumstance I was able to fight back on an equal standing, but there were one-against-many circumstances. At that time I felt humiliated, so I cried.
-But in contrary, there were times when you bullied others?
There were. I thought they were annoying.
-What did you do to them, when you were annoyed?
During soccer games, I’d kick the ball at their faces on purpose, and during dodgeball, I’d aim for their faces on purpose, things like that. Also, during lunch break when we were running and playing in the schoolyard, I’d definitely chase them. It was this kind of trivial things.
-They were trivial, but mean (laughs). But they don’t seem spiteful.
We did do things like ignoring the other person. When commuting to school, if there was an annoying guy we’d push him out onto the platform in the moment when the doors were closing.
-That’s dangerous.
But you know, I understood. The person who gets bullied is wrong. The people who bully are naturally also wrong, though.
-What do you think you were doing wrong, when you were being bullied?
I didn’t have my own volition…… is definitely the reason, I think. I couldn’t communicate to the others my sense of purpose. Which is why I hated myself, and I didn’t know what to do to change myself. That continued until around second year of middle school. I was always thinking, “What am I doing?”
-From that time, possibly you were always looking for the reason for your existence.
Perhaps.
-Did you ever transfer schools?
I did, in middle school. Around that time I disliked school in general, and in middle school aren’t there people who are sitting for tests seriously?
-So it was because a disparity was formed.
I thought that it was pretty bad. I had the strong feeling that I wasn’t suited to studying.
-Eh, were you able to study in elementary school?
No, I wasn’t very smart or anything, but I did study for subjects that I liked. Also, in elementary school, you can’t exactly fail.
-(laughs) When you transferred schools, or graduated from elementary to middle school, did you ever feel that in the new environment you could become a different person than the person you were that you didn’t like to be, and tried to change?
I did, I did. It was fine when I moved up to middle school. I became more mischievous, and the chances for me to do stupid things with my friends increased. But in the second semester of my first year of middle school when I transferred schools, I thought, “I’ve been done in”.
-Did something happen?
My second school was a school in my hometown, and there was a guy I was friends with who went to the same cram school as I did. I was set up by that guy. I transferred to that school and he beat me up. I said that I became more mischievous in middle school, which might have been why he accused me, “Aren’t you getting cocky?” But afterwards we became friends.
-Eh, why?
In that school, it seems that there was no one who dared to go against that guy and his group. But I didn’t know that, and naturally I didn’t want to lose in a fight.
-So it was like that. He probably wanted to show that he was the strongest.
Yes. He only said this recently, but on his side, it seems that he felt “There were people whom I picked fights with, but there weren’t any people who were strong enough to pick fights with me”, and we’ve always been close since then.
-Do you think transferring schools was a good thing, for you?
It was good… probably? No, it was definitely a good thing. I met those guys, and I made friends in my hometown.
-Did you become a new person?
I think I did, in the very end. In middle school I wasn’t bullied, and those years passed quite quietly.
-What happened to the self who was unable to express his sense of purpose?
In second year of middle school I still hadn’t changed. It was in the third year of middle school, when I found music, that I was able to express my own purpose.
-Just now, when you were deciding on the drinks menu, you said “I’m indecisive so I can’t decide”; was the root of that your directionless childhood?
What could it be? For example, if there are two kinds of pasta I want to eat, I’d order both kinds, because I can’t decide.
-If you’re unsure, you’d just get both, right from the start. It’s true that if you do that you won’t have any regrets.
Yeah, I don’t want to have regrets.
-What comes to mind, in terms of what you played during middle school?
It was all gaming. From that time I was already an indoors type. Ah, but in the school grounds of the university nearby I played survival games. Also I played soccer as a soccer club member from grade four of elementary school to first year of middle school, but I quit and joined the shogi club. [shogi = Japanese chess]
-That’s a very rude change.
I got tired of sports.
-Wasn’t that a bit early, to be tired of sports?
But outside of school, I was also going to swimming school. So, in school I was in the shogi club.
-Actually, you didn’t do anything for club activities, did you?
That’s right (laughs)
-Were there any girls you liked?
There were. In elementary school there was a girl I liked, and at a class reunion I told her, “I liked you then,” and she told me, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
-(laughs) Which is to say, “To think that I liked you back”, isn’t it?
……(nodding silently)
-That was regrettable, wasn’t it?
It was (laughs). But even having said that, confessing as an elementary school kid just wouldn’t do, would it?
-So, in middle school?
There were three girls (laughs)
-At the same time?
No, it was spread out. I went out properly with one of them. I didn’t date the second one, but up to now we’re still good friends. We’re on good terms, to the extent that I think, “Friendship between a girl and a boy, this is probably it.” And the last girl, there’s a funny story behind that one. In the third year of middle school, I confessed over the telephone.
-The home phone?
Yeah. So, the girl’s mother picked up, and I asked, “May I speak to XXX, please?” and she said, “Hold on,” and the girl picked up. So I confessed, saying, “I like you, so-“, but I was refused. And then, goodness knows how many days later, I told that close female friend of mine, “I was rejected.” She was friends with the girl who’d rejected me, and it seems that she had heard of it from that girl. But that girl hadn’t known the confession was from me. It appears that her mother had given her the wrong name.
-Ehhh (laughs)! Okaasan, how terrible. [okaasan = mother]
That’s how it was. My friend said, “The name was wrong, but that was Kenzo, wasn’t it?” And then when she asked, “What will you do?” but I said “Never mind, it’s fine not telling her!” (laughs)
-If she’d known it was Kenzo, it might have gone well……?
I wouldn’t know (laughs). But in middle school I was very introverted, so I really can’t say.
-But in any case you would definitely express your feelings to people you liked.
Yes, I did!
-So, let’s hear about what it was that turned your life around.
KISS!! [the American rock band]
-Eh, all of a sudden, KISS? Was the music that you’d been listening to up to then Western?
It was. My parents liked The Beatles. What was generally playing in my home was The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, King Crimson, and so on. Billy Joel.
-So that was Kenzo’s daily music. You didn’t listen to J-pop?
I did. Amuro Namie, Southern All Stars, and so on. The first CD I bought was Downtown-san’s Eccentric Shounen Boy and Kondo Masahiko’s Midnight Shuffle.
-So, where and how did you get into KISS?
I really loved American comics, like Spiderman, X-Men, Spawn. I was collecting their figurines, and at that time KISS had just re-formed and the figurines had been made, and when I saw their figurines for the first time I thought, “These figures are really cool~”. And then when I looked at the picture beside the figurines, it was of the same people.
-The window to KISS was figurines…… (in shock).
So, these are people who’re playing music~. What kind of music do they play? Was what I was wondering, so I listened to them and was taken by their music.
-You started liking KISS through figures…… (laughs).
It’s rare, isn’t it? From then on it was really terrible. AC/DC, Van Halen, and other music that can be called hard rock; I listened to all of it, and when I got my pocket money, I used it all on CDs. My lunch money also disappeared the same way.
-And when that happened, your life was changed.
Yes, that’s how it was. Everything I liked was related to hard rock, for example silver accessories, sake, motorbikes and so on. And leather jackets and pants, too. From my first to third year of high school, I was also caught up in the fashion, and dressed in leather and in satin shirts, like a chinpira [chinpira = yakuza punk] (laughs)
-And of course, you were also interested in KISS’ make-up?
I did it. I bought white face paint at Tokyu House and did the make-up, then took pictures. Now that I think about it, I started in Visual Kei from then.
-Everyone around was shocked by this change, weren’t they?
But my parents understood it. They were the ones who kicked it off, actually. They found out where to find leather pants. That was the first time I went to Harajuku of my own will.
-Oh, so that was the first time you moved according to your own volition. But looking at it from an outsider’s perspective, it would seem like Kenzo became a delinquent, wouldn’t it?
You could also call it a high school debut, but yes; the people around me must have seen it that way (laughs). Well, to be precise it was actually around the third year of middle school. Thanks to meeting KISS, one core part of who I am was formed.
-What instrument were you interested in, at first?
It was the guitar. Actually, I liked KISS’ Gene Simmons, so I wanted to play the bass. But my parents told me, “If you want to play the bass, it’s better to start from the guitar”, so I started on the guitar. But I couldn’t play it (laughs). I couldn’t hold down a normal guitar cord. I thought, I’m a person who can’t play the guitar… which is to say that I most likely can’t play the bass either. But I wanted to play an instrument no matter what, and it just so happened that at that time I had a hundred thousand yen in savings. I thought, “This is definitely a test from the god of music.” With the determination of a lifetime, I bought a drum set. Even though I’d never so much as touched one.
-You just bought it suddenly (laughs).
And then I told my parents, “I bought a drum set, so I’ll be playing it here (in my room)”. My very understanding parents just said, “Okay.”
-But your neighbours probably had something to say about that, didn’t they?
They did, very much so. At that time my cousin was living with us, and my grandfather and grandmother lived on the first floor, so I think I must really have been a nuisance. But my grandfather is someone who doesn’t really say things directly, so my grandmother was the one who told me that he said “If it’s something that he likes, then I have no complaints whatsoever.”
-You have a wonderful grandfather, don’t you~.
I do! He’s cool, isn’t he? And the fact that he didn’t say it to me directly is another level of coolness. I respect him a lot.
-And so you practiced hard?
The drum set came, and was set up. And then I tried it, and I could play it right from the start.
-It’s your calling.
I watched videos of KISS and imitated them, thinking, “It’s something like this”, and at the start my hands and legs were all over the place. And I thought, “Oh, I might be able to do this!” - that was my initial misinterpretation (laughs). That’s how it started.
-So predictably you only played hard rock?
That’s how it was in third year of middle school, but in high school I had a lot of friends who liked punk. Melodic Hardcore was popular then; High Standard, Rancid, (Sex) Pistols, Green Day and so on. It was faster and more intense than hard rock and I thought it was cool, so I formed a punk band with a friend. We did covers of the Pistols and High Standard. It was very fun. We played at livehouses like Koenji’s Ritz and 20000V.
-By the way, what was the first live you’d ever seen?
What was it? ……ah, a friend I met in high school liked Van Halen and more maniacal metal bands. At that time I didn’t know much about metal but I listened to Racer X and Mister Big and thought “What is this guitar?” (laughs). And after that when I listened to Stratovarius I thought, “This is it!” It was like a fusion of the hard rock I liked and the Final Fantasy music I’d liked since I was a kid.
-You like dramatic music, maybe?
Yes, that’s right. Fantastical, grand, sad melodies. And fast and intense. So, from that time I thought metal was the coolest music in the world, and from then on I was lost to metal.
-Which is to say that the very first music you were influenced by was Final Fantasy.
Yeah. The world of Final Fantasy music created by Uematsu Nobuo-san. That’s my number one. [Final Fantasy music is really the best!]
--> part two!