Fic: Unlikely Alliances
Title: Unlikely Alliances
Rating: Mature
Disclaimer: TTOI characters belong to their creators, historicals belong to history or something.
Summary: A crossover AU in which Kit and Will work for the TTOI-verse government. I was quite ill when I wrote this so apologies if it makes no sense.
“You’re a cunt, Christopher Marlowe!” Jamie snapped as they fell through the door of Malcolm’s office.
“You fucking started it, and for fucks sake, it’s Kit!” The aforementioned Kit shot back, slamming the door and glaring at the other man.
“That was not my fucking fault.” Jamie yelled, his hands on his hips doing a fantastic impression of Wonder Woman… if she was male, Scottish and psychotic.
“You called the EDL cunts to their faces.” Kit growled back. “You don’t do that, you think cunts, you say… I don’t know, but you don’t call them cunts! Especially when they’re gearing up for a fight!”
Jamie threw his coat down on one of the chairs at the other end of Malcolm’s office and prodded unhappily at the growing bruise surrounding his eye. Kit grabbed a Kleenex and mopped up the blood already clotting in his eyebrow. All in all, this particular job that Malcolm had sent them on had not been all that successful, primarily because the stalwarts of the EDL did not take kindly to being told to fuck off by a Scottish psychopath or his Kentish associate.
Jamie had yet to respond to Kit’s little tirade and merely grunted, he had a really bad fucking headache and really could not be bothered with talking. Unfortunately it was at that moment that Malcolm chose to come storming into the room like some malevolent angel of death and crisp as fuck Armani. Behind him was his newest pet project, a spin and speech writer by the name of Will who thus far had managed to do nothing but follow him around and provide excellent curses when Malcolm was too speechless at some dumb fuck’s stupidity to provide them himself.
“What the fuck was that?” Malcolm asked, disturbingly calmly. “I thought having a little sidekick would calm you down, Jimmy fucking Boyle.”
Kit balked. “I am not his fucking sidekick!”
“Shut up.” Malcolm turned his steely gaze on Kit who decided that yes, he would shut up, in fact shutting up seemed like the best possible thing to do at that particular moment.
Jamie on the hand apparently thought the opposite. “Don’t tell him to shut up, you don’t know what happened. The E fucking DL for twatbags and dickheads told me to get the fuck out of ‘their city’ when I’ve been keeping this fucking city, in fact no, this fucking country together for ten fucking years…”
Kit interrupted him at that point. “He called them cunts and then it was basically fight or die.” He rubbed at the now dried up split in his eyebrow for emphasis.
Jamie nodded but not too enthusiastically lest his brain fall from its stem, such was the magnitude of his headache. “Naturally we went with fight. For a wee Kentish fuck, he throws a fucking brilliant left hook.”
Kit grinned. “You’re not so bad yourself, for a malignant Scotch midget”
Jamie grinned back, all big, blue, bush baby eyes and crooked teeth. “D’ya fancy a wee dram? I keep a bottle in the top drawer for victories and my favourite lunatics.”
Kit nodded and threw Jamie’s coat at him before they both left the room without listening to the rest of the bollocking they were undoubtedly supposed to have got from Malcolm. The man himself stared at the space that his two attack dogs had up until recently occupied and for once in his life could not think of a single thing to say.
“Cunts?” Will supplied, briefly looking up from his scribblings implicating both the nutters and the opposition in the fracas thus absolving both Kit and Jamie from any responsibility. “I’m dealing with it, don’t worry.” He had quickly realised that such things were a daily necessity and as such no longer needed any prompting to bury the news that one or both of Jamie and Kit had threatened/punched/killed someone.
Malcolm just nodded and switched on BBC News 24, just in case.