2008 is halfway over. Or has it halfway started? :O (8 of 40)
I dunno, the glass half full/half empty thing just always sounds weird when I try to relate it to something using time. Then again, the only reason I even say "half empty" is because that's the official expression. It doesn't really have anything to do with optimism either (even though I am an optimist, simply because it's easier), the words "half empty" just really sound odd. I'd wager it's something to do with "empty" meaning all or mostly gone to me. I dunno, the more i try to work through it in my head, the hungrier I get. The point is, my vocabulary prefers words with fewer syllables and softer sounds.
Even though I know I saw them just three days ago, it still feels like my dad and sister have been gone for a month. I mean, clearly they haven't, since I haven't done much around the house, yet it still looks vaguely as clean as it did during the party. I just have a warped sense of time and measurement. I simply cannot visualize these concepts in my head. Well, I can, they just don't have any real world meaning. My concept of an inch shrinks and grows as my mood changes, and 30 seconds feels like both an eternity of waiting and an impossibly small span of time to complete a task. The biggest problem with this is that I realize I don't know what size things are, so I constantly second guess my assumptions. This way I either get a wrong answer or I give up. Several times each day, I blurt out what day it is with surprise in my voice. Of course, the bigger issue with that problem is the blurting, rather than the surprise. I don't mind not understanding time and space as long as other people don't realize it.
I get really uncomfortable when things around me are quiet. Chills crawl down my spine, and I start to hear some kind of ticking in my head. At some point this got to be so much of an issue (or I had accepted that people wanted me to be weird and unusual), that I stopped thinking to myself and took to thinking out loud. I don't know when this happened, but it's been going on long enough for me to have a REALLY hard time not making whatever noise pops into my head. This includes not only trying to figure things out, but also songs stuck in my head, words or phrases stuck in my head, a funny voice or misspeaking I just heard someone say (often upsetting the person), or anything else that might happen to be floating through the veins my brain. Woohoo, I finally learned how to do a strikethrough! Just in time for a Scintillaesque joke, no less. Granted, while I say "just in time", it actually took me about half an hour searching his posts on the org for one to mimic, including getting distracted and browsing through various threads, before I finally remembered one being on his spatial smoothers guide. Needless to say, my train of thought has officially derailed.
Anyway, what has two thumbs and finally got a shiny name badge at work? THIS GUY! \o/ Sure, corporate skipped over my bronze tone six month badge completely, but hey, silver ain't bad at all. If I wasn't planning on moving to Chicago shortly after Acen next year, I'd be really looking forward to the two-year gold tone name badge. I mean, I still could, if I decided to transfer to a Kohl's in Chicago, but I'm not even sure how that works. I could probably find out from a manager or something at some point (much later), but I'd still need to find where the Kohl's are in Chicago (actually, I'll do this now), because I'd need one that wouldn't be too much in the opposite direction of school probably, depending on how I'm gonna schedule things. Yeah, there are a fair number of Kohl's in the Chicago area; one of them is probably close enough to work, I assume. That still leaves the problem of me being kind of bored with the whole retail gig, or more specifically, too stressed out from my inability to solicit credit well, or sell things well at all really, to enjoy it like I did when I first started. It's still pretty fun, I guess, I just get a bit overwhelmed when we're so ridiculously understaffed and get bombarded with customers. What really freaks me out about the whole thing is when a customer is unhappy with something and there's nothing I can think of to do about it without getting myself into trouble. It makes me feel even worse than when the managers ask me why I haven't been getting more credit applications. I try, y'know? Sure, I don't sell the benefits anywhere near as well as Janet or Chrissy, but I fucking try, god dammit. I ask and offer every fucking customer that I ring up, and I'm lucky to get two in a day. Is it my fault if I feel customers are in a rush and don't try to push them too hard? Yes, it definitely is, but I'm working my way up now. I even sort of make conversation with customers while ringing sometimes. Do you know how fucking hard that is? I have a hard enough time initiating conversations in normal situations; giving me time constraints and tasks to perform during the conversation - tasks which INVOLVE TALKING - does not make it easier at all. In fact it does the exact opposite. It makes it a hell of a lot harder. Especially since most customers intimidate the shit out of me. They know what they want to do, and getting a Kohl's Charge is not it. Then again, perhaps the stores in Chicago actually have enough employees to take care of the customers. After all, I know I really shouldn't judge Kohl's on its Folsom store. That store is almost as much of a shithole as Roseville. Maybe I'll take a look at some Kohl's next time I'm in Chicago.
Fuck, I'm hungry. I should go to sleep. I guess I'll sum up the rest of this with the following remark: "People are really fucking scary."
Oh yeah, one more thing. I've noticed that a lot of these posts have been pretty repetitive. They've also been talking about the same things a lot over and over again. Since I hear people actually are reading this, I'm curious. Does anyone have any topics they'd like to hear me discuss? I can't guarantee how it'll turn out, but I'll try and make it vaguely interesting and topical. If you have any requests, feel free to mention them in a comment or something, and I'll probably try to get on those sometime next week. Possibly earlier. Nighty night!
Even though I know I saw them just three days ago, it still feels like my dad and sister have been gone for a month. I mean, clearly they haven't, since I haven't done much around the house, yet it still looks vaguely as clean as it did during the party. I just have a warped sense of time and measurement. I simply cannot visualize these concepts in my head. Well, I can, they just don't have any real world meaning. My concept of an inch shrinks and grows as my mood changes, and 30 seconds feels like both an eternity of waiting and an impossibly small span of time to complete a task. The biggest problem with this is that I realize I don't know what size things are, so I constantly second guess my assumptions. This way I either get a wrong answer or I give up. Several times each day, I blurt out what day it is with surprise in my voice. Of course, the bigger issue with that problem is the blurting, rather than the surprise. I don't mind not understanding time and space as long as other people don't realize it.
I get really uncomfortable when things around me are quiet. Chills crawl down my spine, and I start to hear some kind of ticking in my head. At some point this got to be so much of an issue (or I had accepted that people wanted me to be weird and unusual), that I stopped thinking to myself and took to thinking out loud. I don't know when this happened, but it's been going on long enough for me to have a REALLY hard time not making whatever noise pops into my head. This includes not only trying to figure things out, but also songs stuck in my head, words or phrases stuck in my head, a funny voice or misspeaking I just heard someone say (often upsetting the person), or anything else that might happen to be floating through the veins my brain. Woohoo, I finally learned how to do a strikethrough! Just in time for a Scintillaesque joke, no less. Granted, while I say "just in time", it actually took me about half an hour searching his posts on the org for one to mimic, including getting distracted and browsing through various threads, before I finally remembered one being on his spatial smoothers guide. Needless to say, my train of thought has officially derailed.
Anyway, what has two thumbs and finally got a shiny name badge at work? THIS GUY! \o/ Sure, corporate skipped over my bronze tone six month badge completely, but hey, silver ain't bad at all. If I wasn't planning on moving to Chicago shortly after Acen next year, I'd be really looking forward to the two-year gold tone name badge. I mean, I still could, if I decided to transfer to a Kohl's in Chicago, but I'm not even sure how that works. I could probably find out from a manager or something at some point (much later), but I'd still need to find where the Kohl's are in Chicago (actually, I'll do this now), because I'd need one that wouldn't be too much in the opposite direction of school probably, depending on how I'm gonna schedule things. Yeah, there are a fair number of Kohl's in the Chicago area; one of them is probably close enough to work, I assume. That still leaves the problem of me being kind of bored with the whole retail gig, or more specifically, too stressed out from my inability to solicit credit well, or sell things well at all really, to enjoy it like I did when I first started. It's still pretty fun, I guess, I just get a bit overwhelmed when we're so ridiculously understaffed and get bombarded with customers. What really freaks me out about the whole thing is when a customer is unhappy with something and there's nothing I can think of to do about it without getting myself into trouble. It makes me feel even worse than when the managers ask me why I haven't been getting more credit applications. I try, y'know? Sure, I don't sell the benefits anywhere near as well as Janet or Chrissy, but I fucking try, god dammit. I ask and offer every fucking customer that I ring up, and I'm lucky to get two in a day. Is it my fault if I feel customers are in a rush and don't try to push them too hard? Yes, it definitely is, but I'm working my way up now. I even sort of make conversation with customers while ringing sometimes. Do you know how fucking hard that is? I have a hard enough time initiating conversations in normal situations; giving me time constraints and tasks to perform during the conversation - tasks which INVOLVE TALKING - does not make it easier at all. In fact it does the exact opposite. It makes it a hell of a lot harder. Especially since most customers intimidate the shit out of me. They know what they want to do, and getting a Kohl's Charge is not it. Then again, perhaps the stores in Chicago actually have enough employees to take care of the customers. After all, I know I really shouldn't judge Kohl's on its Folsom store. That store is almost as much of a shithole as Roseville. Maybe I'll take a look at some Kohl's next time I'm in Chicago.
Fuck, I'm hungry. I should go to sleep. I guess I'll sum up the rest of this with the following remark: "People are really fucking scary."
Oh yeah, one more thing. I've noticed that a lot of these posts have been pretty repetitive. They've also been talking about the same things a lot over and over again. Since I hear people actually are reading this, I'm curious. Does anyone have any topics they'd like to hear me discuss? I can't guarantee how it'll turn out, but I'll try and make it vaguely interesting and topical. If you have any requests, feel free to mention them in a comment or something, and I'll probably try to get on those sometime next week. Possibly earlier. Nighty night!