Alone.
I hate this utter feeling of loneliness that I get. This gut-wrenching feeling of impending doom when I'm here at the apartment, alone. I mindlessly scrape communities online, trying to find people that I can actually fit in with, but every so often I end up slipping and speaking my mind about something, and everything all goes to pot.
Why can't I be myself and be around people who actually feel the same way that I do? Fuck. I really wish I had people that I could talk to. In part I guess that's my doing though, pushing people away. I just want things to be simpler. I want to be able to be myself and I want to have friends who are able to be themselves, too. I want to be able to go out with people and play video games, or go to the mall, or go out for a drink. I literally only have Mark to spend time with, and even then, I hate bothering him. He gets home from school and is exhausted, too much so for me to bug him about going out or doing something. He deserves time to himself, too. So I sit here, on my laptop, wishing that I could at least find a little circle of people who I can be my abrasive, bitchy self around.
Fuck...maybe I really am a shit person to hang around with. I'm super reclusive, have horrible social skills and when I finally do talk, it's usually some cynical comment.
Whatever. I have another headache. I'm going to go and lie down again.
Why can't I be myself and be around people who actually feel the same way that I do? Fuck. I really wish I had people that I could talk to. In part I guess that's my doing though, pushing people away. I just want things to be simpler. I want to be able to be myself and I want to have friends who are able to be themselves, too. I want to be able to go out with people and play video games, or go to the mall, or go out for a drink. I literally only have Mark to spend time with, and even then, I hate bothering him. He gets home from school and is exhausted, too much so for me to bug him about going out or doing something. He deserves time to himself, too. So I sit here, on my laptop, wishing that I could at least find a little circle of people who I can be my abrasive, bitchy self around.
Fuck...maybe I really am a shit person to hang around with. I'm super reclusive, have horrible social skills and when I finally do talk, it's usually some cynical comment.
Whatever. I have another headache. I'm going to go and lie down again.