(no subject)
so i've been asked numerous times "you haven't drank for 5 years... why in the world do you still go to meetings?"
becuase i'm FLARGING NUTS. I'm still sitting in this freaking anxiety over car death and rebirth. like i made some horrible decision (which i know i didn't) and i can't sleep well because my stomach is churning... fear, anxiety, worried about the future. don't get me wrong, it's normal to worry about the future, especially right now, but this damn anxiety is RUINING my serenity.
and yes. I'm PMS'ing. and yes -- after watching my car go kiputz and BUYING a car on my own for the first time i'm STILL freaking wound up like a tight nut. and no -- i haven't seen my boy for over a week now and talking on the phone just isn't enough (he is the WORST phone talker) and all i've wanted to do for the last week and a half since i heard about my grandpa is just kinda fall into someone's arms and rest for a second (though i realize that no person, place or thing is gonna make me feel better -- i'm so rarely in relationships that it feels odd to even say things like that) -- more importantly... i need to go to a fucking meeting.
get the hell out of my head. listen to someone else give their solution... maybe God will be good enough to put someone in my life that I can help so i don't have to listen to my crazy ass head for FIVE MINUTES... and then i'll catch some serenity... because if i stay in the damn flight or fight mode for no good reason i'm gonna spiral down to Nutsville in 2.5 seconds.
you know what sounds good? a hot bath. my friend gave me Twilight... and i've read about a chapter... that girl is so damn emo i just sorta wanna hand her the dashboard cd and various other emo stuff to get it over with.
coolest part about WRITING down what's going on in my head -- i feel tons better already.
becuase i'm FLARGING NUTS. I'm still sitting in this freaking anxiety over car death and rebirth. like i made some horrible decision (which i know i didn't) and i can't sleep well because my stomach is churning... fear, anxiety, worried about the future. don't get me wrong, it's normal to worry about the future, especially right now, but this damn anxiety is RUINING my serenity.
and yes. I'm PMS'ing. and yes -- after watching my car go kiputz and BUYING a car on my own for the first time i'm STILL freaking wound up like a tight nut. and no -- i haven't seen my boy for over a week now and talking on the phone just isn't enough (he is the WORST phone talker) and all i've wanted to do for the last week and a half since i heard about my grandpa is just kinda fall into someone's arms and rest for a second (though i realize that no person, place or thing is gonna make me feel better -- i'm so rarely in relationships that it feels odd to even say things like that) -- more importantly... i need to go to a fucking meeting.
get the hell out of my head. listen to someone else give their solution... maybe God will be good enough to put someone in my life that I can help so i don't have to listen to my crazy ass head for FIVE MINUTES... and then i'll catch some serenity... because if i stay in the damn flight or fight mode for no good reason i'm gonna spiral down to Nutsville in 2.5 seconds.
you know what sounds good? a hot bath. my friend gave me Twilight... and i've read about a chapter... that girl is so damn emo i just sorta wanna hand her the dashboard cd and various other emo stuff to get it over with.
coolest part about WRITING down what's going on in my head -- i feel tons better already.