Things I've learned today:
Today I went and saw Eve Ensler speak (for those who don't know, she wrote the Vagina Monologues and her organizations are behind a great deal of the recent advancements in the fight to stop violence towards women--and by extension men). She was advocating for the women of the Congo( if you haven't informed yourself of what's been going on there for the past 12 years--please do. The wars are over mineral rights and guess who's profiting off the cheaper commodities?? Yep, us. We are somewhat sustaining the instability of that part of the world and over 500,000 women and girls have been raped because of the aforementioned wars.) I was pretty ignorant of this and still mostly am, but I'm trying to be better since the state of things was brought to my attention this past weekend before I even knew Ensler was coming to town.
So onto my initial impressions of the evening:
1) There are a lot of us. A lot more than we realize. That includes both survivors and supporters. Women and men of all age groups. That was a delightful reminder to me.
2) The lot of us need to do more. Everyone at the event tonight was on board. It was a big self-congratulatory love fest very akin to a pep rally. Which is great because that's what tonight was about--the successful conclusions of the V-week efforts. However, those same crowds are pretty much the same crowds that organize and come out for the V-day events: in other words, preaching to the choir.
3) The choir needs to be even more active about singing in other languages and flexing their cultural relativism muscles. By that I mean we need to find increasingly inclusive ways of engaging folks who otherwise would be turned off by the whole V-day thing, or if not outright turned off confused, intimidated, or overwhelmed by it. This is going to have to occur in small grassroots groups and organizations. Not all survivors are ready to talk yet. They don't all have societally (or internally!) safe spaces to deal with what they've been through. We need to gently encourage the creation of these havens so that when they are ready to talk they will have a forum. This is where outreach to programs such as DVSAS and other sexual and physical assault services are key. We need to find ways to engage the organizations--in part or in whole--in more community discussions. We need to be sensitive to the needs of survivors while establishing nuturing relationships within our communities to make them feel safer. We also need to be less afraid of being politically correct. There are a great many people out there who want to know more, but don't know how to ask because they are afraid of phrasing their questions wrong. Well, guess what? It's going to happen. People learn through mistakes; we as listeners and facilitators need to pay as much if not more attention to why a question is asked as we do to the question itself. If it comes out sounding offensive, the person may not mean it that way. To correctly discern whether the questioner is in fact being uncouth or not, we need to engage them in an intelligent logic-based discussion to find out more about the root of a matter. If we don't, we run the risk of jumping down someone's throat and making them afraid to ask potentially good, informative questions. Or worse, making a potential ally into an enemy. This can be EXCEEDINGLY difficult because we've all encountered "that person" who will intentionally try to start a fight and they spoil it for the rest of the people we talk to. However, we need to remember that not everyone is trying to be "that person". The vast majority, in fact, are never going to be "that person" so always try to err on the side of caution.
4) And for heavens sake, please more than once a year! It's great that February has become increasingly about vagina power, but then it disappears from the mainstream consciousness for 11 long months. The issues don't disappear, but the consistent public face in the media does. Not that NBC needs to cover every event, but within your local community there should be a continuing forum for these questions, concerns, and networks. It could be something as simple as a book club that focuses on the inter-relations of colonialism, economics, politics, etc. and how they corrolate to violence issues around the world. Or a blog where people can come together to support each other or ask questions anonymously to get advice, etc.
That's my heavily disorganized rant for the night. Sorry, just need to get some of that off my chest. If you're wondering why I'm not putting my money where my mouth is don't be too hasty. I am indeed in the process of coordinating some outreach projects. It's just going to take a little while to get the organizational frameworks in place. Contact me if you want to know more or get involved yourself when the time comes.
So onto my initial impressions of the evening:
1) There are a lot of us. A lot more than we realize. That includes both survivors and supporters. Women and men of all age groups. That was a delightful reminder to me.
2) The lot of us need to do more. Everyone at the event tonight was on board. It was a big self-congratulatory love fest very akin to a pep rally. Which is great because that's what tonight was about--the successful conclusions of the V-week efforts. However, those same crowds are pretty much the same crowds that organize and come out for the V-day events: in other words, preaching to the choir.
3) The choir needs to be even more active about singing in other languages and flexing their cultural relativism muscles. By that I mean we need to find increasingly inclusive ways of engaging folks who otherwise would be turned off by the whole V-day thing, or if not outright turned off confused, intimidated, or overwhelmed by it. This is going to have to occur in small grassroots groups and organizations. Not all survivors are ready to talk yet. They don't all have societally (or internally!) safe spaces to deal with what they've been through. We need to gently encourage the creation of these havens so that when they are ready to talk they will have a forum. This is where outreach to programs such as DVSAS and other sexual and physical assault services are key. We need to find ways to engage the organizations--in part or in whole--in more community discussions. We need to be sensitive to the needs of survivors while establishing nuturing relationships within our communities to make them feel safer. We also need to be less afraid of being politically correct. There are a great many people out there who want to know more, but don't know how to ask because they are afraid of phrasing their questions wrong. Well, guess what? It's going to happen. People learn through mistakes; we as listeners and facilitators need to pay as much if not more attention to why a question is asked as we do to the question itself. If it comes out sounding offensive, the person may not mean it that way. To correctly discern whether the questioner is in fact being uncouth or not, we need to engage them in an intelligent logic-based discussion to find out more about the root of a matter. If we don't, we run the risk of jumping down someone's throat and making them afraid to ask potentially good, informative questions. Or worse, making a potential ally into an enemy. This can be EXCEEDINGLY difficult because we've all encountered "that person" who will intentionally try to start a fight and they spoil it for the rest of the people we talk to. However, we need to remember that not everyone is trying to be "that person". The vast majority, in fact, are never going to be "that person" so always try to err on the side of caution.
4) And for heavens sake, please more than once a year! It's great that February has become increasingly about vagina power, but then it disappears from the mainstream consciousness for 11 long months. The issues don't disappear, but the consistent public face in the media does. Not that NBC needs to cover every event, but within your local community there should be a continuing forum for these questions, concerns, and networks. It could be something as simple as a book club that focuses on the inter-relations of colonialism, economics, politics, etc. and how they corrolate to violence issues around the world. Or a blog where people can come together to support each other or ask questions anonymously to get advice, etc.
That's my heavily disorganized rant for the night. Sorry, just need to get some of that off my chest. If you're wondering why I'm not putting my money where my mouth is don't be too hasty. I am indeed in the process of coordinating some outreach projects. It's just going to take a little while to get the organizational frameworks in place. Contact me if you want to know more or get involved yourself when the time comes.