fate and karma
im really starting to believe in this whole fate and karma thing, i often think that it may not be such a good thing, but we'll see how that outcome is later.. the past few days ive really started to find all the flaws in me and i think that i resent myself for it because it took me so long to figure it out... i think too much about the bad things and it takes away from being able to enjoy all the great things that i have right now.. my trust level sucks and i think im a way it hurts not to be able to trust people.. thats a crucial importance to any kind of relationship.. ive also realived in the past week the people that really matter and have significants to me.. everyone does but few people have showed me what really matters... others i dont really know what theyve done for/to me.. ive realized who i really matter to and who i dont.. having someone tell you that they sometimes do forget about you, ehh isnt something youd ever really hope to hear from someones.. actually in all honesty is sucks pretty bad.. i cant really tell you what my problem has been lately because i couldnt really pin-point it myself.. like i told chelsea im a sap.. ill be the first to admit it to you.. how id rather be the one hurt in a relationship rather than the other person, she doesnt think thats the smartest thing, but we do have to remember who has the brains in that relationnship.. she says its a part of life.. i personally think im a moron most of the time..but after it all i think its because of love...i would rather me be in pain and unhappy than them see any kind of unhappiness or sadness... i still have to learn a few things before im going to be able to master this whole thing and pass on my valuable knowledge to the less fournate people maybe in a way they are better off than i am.. who knows with that... i guess i just found out how important i am to certain people..sometimes i wish i wouldnt find out some of the things that i do..some of the information that i or other people pollute in my head.. at times i would probably be better off if i didnt no right away... i think hey youd been better off if you would have just been in the dark about the whole thing.. see what i though was what i dont know couldnt hurt me, it was when i suspected things thats when i would ruin myself, but nikki informed me that actually what i dont know CAN actually hurt me, but i shouldnt waste my time worrying about things that i didnt no or couldnt control..she has a good point, it just might take some time to actually be able to do that.. the amazing charlie brown once said-"ive learned to only dread one day at a time"
"Have you ever really thought about it? You've got this girl, head over heels in love with you. She'd do anything for you, she'd die for you. But for some reason, you don't want to see that. You know it's there, and you know that you feel the same way. But you refuse to let it be. Maybe you're scared. Maybe you're scared of the thought that this girl who you've known forever - you've seen her happy, you've seen sad -- maybe this girl is perfect for you. And that really scares you, doesn't it?"