I'm a doubting thomas, I don't keep my promises

[kieli]

Warm humid breezes whip my hair, caress my face.....lights flicker and fade in clouds that are pregnant with moisture. Summer's coming. Really, when I think about it, she's already here, isn't she? That fickle season that feels so much more special when you're living here in the South amongst the honeysuckle and sakura. Mandolins are playing in my ears, in my head, that hard strum that leaves my chest heavy but not. It's hard to describe what it's like to be alone but not necessarily lonely. I've got books, television but it's always music that has all of my attention, from the time I wake up until I close my eyes deep into the warm inky darkness.

Summer...her arrival is fortuitous...I can't think of a better way to spend it than on the porch
a starless night for company
haunting voices to remind me that I still have a soul.

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
Cause I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe
Oh me of little faith