In Which I Fail
So, yesterday night, on a whim I decided to stop smoking. In hindsight, I couldn't have set myself up worse for failure. Its the weekend (constant reasons to light up), I had school and then work today, I have a fuckload of homework and a show I am not quite prepared for (stress always calls for smoking). I know excuses, excuses, but I was a fucking wreck all day. I had a song in my heart and it went "Smoke, smoke, smoke, cigarettes, cigarettes, cigarettes". An incredibly catchy number. I finally cracked after work (I made it a whole 20 hours), and it was delicious. And then when I got on the bus I tripped over my raggedy-ass shoes and took a dive to save the bottle of wine in my bag. I bashed both knees and my ankle. And my dignity. The bus driver would not stop checking to see if I was okay. Luckily there were only like 3 people on the bus. But still the only thing keeping me from tears was the knowledge that I had hurt myself for the good of my bottle of wine (free! from the distributor as a "tip"). Now I am supposed to go to a party that I should go to but really would rather not. But at least I can smoke. Although I kind of really need to cut back. I find myself lighting up when I don't even want to smoke. I should stop that. Tomorrow. Maybe Monday...