whats another word for desperate?

[kidxvicious]

my lj background dissapeared, so now i have to go find a new one...fuck

you ever get so tired that your back aches?
yeah.

i feel like i need to be cracked--
my neck, my back, my shoulders, my knuckles, my arms, my everything--
but they won't

my eyes feel dry and my throat feels heavy
i have to settle myself

i feel so helpless now
i'm not doing anything wrong, theres nothing i can do, but it involves me
i try so hard
...wait...maybe thats the problem
maybe i try to hard
maybe i should just sit back and relax and see what happens...
i can't so that
but maybe if i don't try so hard to make everything better, like if i just act like nothing is wrong

i'm so confused
i wish...

i feel crumbly
and even though the time we spent tonite was me crying
and sad
i still wish we had had more of it
and we could have stopped time and just...held each other you know?

(this is the part where i throw you off because i just bitched about being upset and sad)
i swear that when he said the words "soul mates" my heart skipped a beat and i knew that we would be okay