I am not a parent, but I do know how it feels to have a Minimalist Mother and I assure you, the fact that you wrote this post at all removes you from anywhere near my experiences with mine. I won't go into detail, but the fact that your son sees you on a regular basis outside your bedroom and not with the express purpose of reaming you out for something ELSE he's done to displease you or what have you, alone scores you many points. The fact that you are considering any of this at all scores you even more points. I don't know how to explain exactly how it feels to be told explicitly that I am to blame for every bit of tension in my mother's household, but the fact that I see none of that here tells me you are not a Minimalist Mom -- and by Minimalist, I also include taking responsibility for the way your life has played out whether you liked it or not, among other things.
Um, I really don't mean to sound like I'm demeaning my mother, though that is exactly how she would take it if she ever saw this comment, but she honestly makes me feel hated. I really, really don't like having to explode with pain in my journal because it's impossible to do so in real-life because she'll deny absolutely everything. Trying to explain that I don't hate my father because he makes me feel like a person doesn't wash well with either my mother or my sister because they are the type to hold a grudge and then visit its grave. I can't help but forgive when I can because I just can't hold onto something after it's been apologized for -- truly and sincerely instead of 'I'm sorry you feel that way'. I cannot hold onto something when after we argue, my father and I hug. He asks me what I like to do and if I have fun doing it. My mother used to stare at me when I was stimming like I was a zoo exhibit. She's stopped that, for which I'm infinitely thankful, but there's still a long way to go and it doesn't feel at all like she cares to even try beyond saying that I'm the one destroying our relationship.
My point is that I don't see any of that here. I see you trying to make Dakota's Christmas a happy one instead of threatening to send a letter to Santa telling him not to come to our house like my mother did when my sister and I were small. I don't see you using what should be healthy emotional contact as a punishment. Your description of Dakota's view of his Christmas reminds me of the character Jazmine from The Boondocks. Whenever I rewatch the episode, 'Tom, Sarah, and Usher', I'm absolutely appalled at the way she completely disregards her father's presence in her life and cares more about the fact that Usher and his bodyguards are beating her father half to death ("I'm sorry, USSSSSHHHHHERRR!") than that Tom's fear was that his wife was leaving him for another man. Jazmine only cared about her idea that Usher might be her 'new daddy', which I find absolutely reprehensible, but I suppose it's my experience that makes me feel that way.
Maybe it's normal to completely take your parents for granted. I've never felt that and Parent bless all the kids who do. I'm going off on a tangent, but I wanted to let you know that all things considered, you're doing a spectacular job and if Dakota doesn't realize it now, he certainly will when he's older. If he graduates Valedictorian from high school and/or college -- really, it could happen -- you'll be at the top of the list of whom he'll thank. And he'll know it.
Um, I really don't mean to sound like I'm demeaning my mother, though that is exactly how she would take it if she ever saw this comment, but she honestly makes me feel hated. I really, really don't like having to explode with pain in my journal because it's impossible to do so in real-life because she'll deny absolutely everything. Trying to explain that I don't hate my father because he makes me feel like a person doesn't wash well with either my mother or my sister because they are the type to hold a grudge and then visit its grave. I can't help but forgive when I can because I just can't hold onto something after it's been apologized for -- truly and sincerely instead of 'I'm sorry you feel that way'. I cannot hold onto something when after we argue, my father and I hug. He asks me what I like to do and if I have fun doing it. My mother used to stare at me when I was stimming like I was a zoo exhibit. She's stopped that, for which I'm infinitely thankful, but there's still a long way to go and it doesn't feel at all like she cares to even try beyond saying that I'm the one destroying our relationship.
My point is that I don't see any of that here. I see you trying to make Dakota's Christmas a happy one instead of threatening to send a letter to Santa telling him not to come to our house like my mother did when my sister and I were small. I don't see you using what should be healthy emotional contact as a punishment. Your description of Dakota's view of his Christmas reminds me of the character Jazmine from The Boondocks. Whenever I rewatch the episode, 'Tom, Sarah, and Usher', I'm absolutely appalled at the way she completely disregards her father's presence in her life and cares more about the fact that Usher and his bodyguards are beating her father half to death ("I'm sorry, USSSSSHHHHHERRR!") than that Tom's fear was that his wife was leaving him for another man. Jazmine only cared about her idea that Usher might be her 'new daddy', which I find absolutely reprehensible, but I suppose it's my experience that makes me feel that way.
Maybe it's normal to completely take your parents for granted. I've never felt that and Parent bless all the kids who do. I'm going off on a tangent, but I wanted to let you know that all things considered, you're doing a spectacular job and if Dakota doesn't realize it now, he certainly will when he's older. If he graduates Valedictorian from high school and/or college -- really, it could happen -- you'll be at the top of the list of whom he'll thank. And he'll know it.
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