A first.

[kidsinthefloor]

I fucking hate you.

I fucking loath you.
I hate that I think about you both EVERY FUCKING GOD DAMN DAY.
I hate that it hurts my heart that you are now his best friend, it hurts my heart that people who were supposed to be so close to me hurt me so bad and I turn out to be the bad one.

I can't believe how these 2 situations effected me so bad

Comments

[livncontrdction]

oh danni. :( i have never experienced the situation you did so i can't truly empathize with it, but i do know what it feels like to be surrounded by people and still feel completely and utterly alone. i live my entire life that way. :( I also know what it's like to be sad and unhappy and not be able to get any of it out because of the medication... and yet, the medication is better than the extreme feelings that occur when not on it. sometimes i wonder what the fuck is wrong with me... why do negative situations play themselves over and over in my brain? it sounds like the same thing is happening to you. the only thing i found that actually helps is rather than letting things go, feel them to the extreme. don't try to ignore them, don't try to pretend it's okay and move on. feel it. feel it and acknowledge it and face it. then you can start to let it go. we definitely need to talk about all this. i guess you never thought you would end up this way, being "this type of person"... but that kind of person is who i have been since i was 13, i have a better understanding of it now that i've been dealing with it for almost 8 years. i find it interesting how similar we are when it comes to the emotional battles we fight. i think i can help.

but you know what i wish danni? i wish all four of you could just erase all the bullshit that's happened and be friends again. it hurts me to see that all of you hurt because of it and you all pretend that you're angry at each other rather than accept that you're actually sad about the loss of companionship and closeness that you had. yeah, there is anger there, but it's fueled by hurt and sadness.

you say you hate and loathe, but you and i both know you really just hurt.

would next saturday or sunday afternoon work for you?

[kidsinthefloor]

"sometimes i wonder what the fuck is wrong with me... why do negative situations play themselves over and over in my brain?"

This is perfect, this is how I feel a lot of the time and I try to switch my mind frame to something else, something pretty, happy, BETTER. But it only is temporary for the thoughts come back.

"feel them to the extreme" I think I will take your advice for nothing you have ever said to me has effected me in a negitive way, plus, I want to feel but I just don't want to feel like crap.

"i wish all four of you could just erase all the bullshit that's happened and be friends again."

I agree, I wish they would have came to me and just told me and talked to me about it rather then hidding it behind my back. More so Lauren then anyone. But I will not be the one to make the first step. I am not prideful but I do feel if anyone was to make the first step it would need to be her with Dom following behind. Yes, I could have gone about things differently but when it comes down to it, they held it from me because they knew it was a messed up situation, BUT, in my eyes yes, we could have worked through it instead eveything got crazy and yes, I do loath her, in a sense I also hate her for the emotional and mental shit this situation has put me through. Lauren meant a lot to me as a friend, Chrysta has been in my life since 2005... Now I have niether. Jake I can get over because when he doesn't get what he wants he acts like a child, I don't need that in my life and even if I'm the only one who see's i'm that's fine.

Maybe one day we can be friends again but they would ahve to come to ME and we would definitly need some apologizes exchanged.

Next Sunday eve would be so great and how you tell me you un derstnad where I am coming from, I'd love to hear more. I would love to be able to relate. :)