(no subject)
So I think Live Journal is officially old school. I'm reverting to MySpace Blog. Last post for the LJ... unless I change my mind that is<3
The past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster. I mean it's pretty much a known fact that I make my life a roller coaster. Usually a positive one. I always want change and I always want more, not necessarily a bad thing. I'm almost never content with doing what I have to do to survive, I HAVE to be happy. I like that about myself. Some may view it as a weakness or flaw-suck it up and do it. It slows me down sometimes but I prefer to be happy and I still come out on top.
My recent roller coaster theme AKA midlife crisis... I got my feelings hurt super bad, hate my job and worry too much. Worry about legitimate things, but still too much. I think it started with a slow down of an amazing summer, continued with a job I don't like, a slight obsession I'll call Miss Cortland, more job hating, Cristy Hack and some family drama + school and lack of sleep. I think those cover the major subjects.
So this summer was amazing. I was hardly in O-town and when I was I was working tons of hours with my best friends and then going to party with them. Can't complain, eh? Then I got a new job not only taking almost all of my time away from my friends but a miserable job to say the least. So no social life and a shitty job. Manda... unhealthy on my part. I made this perfect person out of someone I'd met once, not great judgment. You'll see I did this again soon after.. lol. I'm learning<3 Anyway, mad cool person and someone I definitely care about to say the least. I'm just happy I got whatever I made in my head out and let us just be. Friends. I'm really happy you're happy Beautiful<3
More job hating...
Then Cristy Hack. Why she even deserves her name used instead of a vulgar nick name is beyond me. As much as she hurt my fucking feelings she helped me while she was around.. a lot.. and later taught me not to trust people so fast. Beautiful woman. Thirty three=sexy. Two kids. Met online, friends for about five weeks, talked about everything under the sun and constantly. Funny, kind, smart, good head on her shoulders, decent ethics. Oh, and she paid a whole lot of attention to me. We were both vulnerable when we met but everything was very platonic. Late nights on the phone, constant txting, playful banter, very cool lady. Lady, lol. So we hung out for all of 24 hours. A great time. I won't even consider she faked it because if she did she'd be an actor-a very good one. Hung out with the kids, dinner, movie, lots of great conversation, laughing, kid playing, an awesome connection. And no fucking involved, which made it even better. Anyway I left and she never talked to me again.. until I stalked a bit, she talked like everything was fine and then never talked to me again. I thought my heart was broken. Can someone you didn't even love break your heart? Well.. it hurt a lot but to this day I haven't had my heart broken. I'll probably proclaim it every time somebody hurts me but my heart is fine and very capable of love. So after being a wreck for three days-which I'm sort of embarrassed to admit... it's made a lot of things better. My friends came out of the wood works to love me. The ones that I hardly ever see anymore. And I don't know what it is but I feel like I grew up a little bit. Grew up.. or moved on. I feel like I could really be okay with Karen and Taylor. Two people who haven't been in my life and to this point I didn't want in my life. I'm still in a vulnerable state and am not ready to seek them out but next time we cross paths I don't think it will make me sad. It might change when she opens her mouth, lol, but oh well. So thanks Cristy Hack, I don't regret you.
Grandma has been sick and grandpa isn't peachy either.
I hate going to class.
And I don't get enough sleep.
Oh yeah and somewhere in that whole mix I got soooo sick. One of the sickest I've ever been. Strep, flu, no voice for three weeks and constantly exhausted. Thank goodness that's gone.
So I'm happy. Up and down a bit but things are leveling out. I've been hanging out with my friends-the ones that are ALWAYS there for me, even if I don't get to see them as much as I want, I spent the day with Natalie Saturday, I have an interview on Wednesday and my mama loves me. Oh-and I've been more active, eating well and losing weight<3 Slowly but surely.
And I might be talking to someone that has a brain... I kind of think she has a heart too<3 AND it's going so slowly I love it. I don't even know her middle name-I think it starts with a j!ll or something.
The past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster. I mean it's pretty much a known fact that I make my life a roller coaster. Usually a positive one. I always want change and I always want more, not necessarily a bad thing. I'm almost never content with doing what I have to do to survive, I HAVE to be happy. I like that about myself. Some may view it as a weakness or flaw-suck it up and do it. It slows me down sometimes but I prefer to be happy and I still come out on top.
My recent roller coaster theme AKA midlife crisis... I got my feelings hurt super bad, hate my job and worry too much. Worry about legitimate things, but still too much. I think it started with a slow down of an amazing summer, continued with a job I don't like, a slight obsession I'll call Miss Cortland, more job hating, Cristy Hack and some family drama + school and lack of sleep. I think those cover the major subjects.
So this summer was amazing. I was hardly in O-town and when I was I was working tons of hours with my best friends and then going to party with them. Can't complain, eh? Then I got a new job not only taking almost all of my time away from my friends but a miserable job to say the least. So no social life and a shitty job. Manda... unhealthy on my part. I made this perfect person out of someone I'd met once, not great judgment. You'll see I did this again soon after.. lol. I'm learning<3 Anyway, mad cool person and someone I definitely care about to say the least. I'm just happy I got whatever I made in my head out and let us just be. Friends. I'm really happy you're happy Beautiful<3
More job hating...
Then Cristy Hack. Why she even deserves her name used instead of a vulgar nick name is beyond me. As much as she hurt my fucking feelings she helped me while she was around.. a lot.. and later taught me not to trust people so fast. Beautiful woman. Thirty three=sexy. Two kids. Met online, friends for about five weeks, talked about everything under the sun and constantly. Funny, kind, smart, good head on her shoulders, decent ethics. Oh, and she paid a whole lot of attention to me. We were both vulnerable when we met but everything was very platonic. Late nights on the phone, constant txting, playful banter, very cool lady. Lady, lol. So we hung out for all of 24 hours. A great time. I won't even consider she faked it because if she did she'd be an actor-a very good one. Hung out with the kids, dinner, movie, lots of great conversation, laughing, kid playing, an awesome connection. And no fucking involved, which made it even better. Anyway I left and she never talked to me again.. until I stalked a bit, she talked like everything was fine and then never talked to me again. I thought my heart was broken. Can someone you didn't even love break your heart? Well.. it hurt a lot but to this day I haven't had my heart broken. I'll probably proclaim it every time somebody hurts me but my heart is fine and very capable of love. So after being a wreck for three days-which I'm sort of embarrassed to admit... it's made a lot of things better. My friends came out of the wood works to love me. The ones that I hardly ever see anymore. And I don't know what it is but I feel like I grew up a little bit. Grew up.. or moved on. I feel like I could really be okay with Karen and Taylor. Two people who haven't been in my life and to this point I didn't want in my life. I'm still in a vulnerable state and am not ready to seek them out but next time we cross paths I don't think it will make me sad. It might change when she opens her mouth, lol, but oh well. So thanks Cristy Hack, I don't regret you.
Grandma has been sick and grandpa isn't peachy either.
I hate going to class.
And I don't get enough sleep.
Oh yeah and somewhere in that whole mix I got soooo sick. One of the sickest I've ever been. Strep, flu, no voice for three weeks and constantly exhausted. Thank goodness that's gone.
So I'm happy. Up and down a bit but things are leveling out. I've been hanging out with my friends-the ones that are ALWAYS there for me, even if I don't get to see them as much as I want, I spent the day with Natalie Saturday, I have an interview on Wednesday and my mama loves me. Oh-and I've been more active, eating well and losing weight<3 Slowly but surely.
And I might be talking to someone that has a brain... I kind of think she has a heart too<3 AND it's going so slowly I love it. I don't even know her middle name-I think it starts with a j!ll or something.