goddamnit...
it's 2:28am. i've been home for a while. since around 1. i wound up at my parents' house. tonight was their 13th anniversary. out back my brothers friends were having a fire while he was nowhere to be found. i hung out with them for the majority of the time i was out. they were bonging some beers, so i decided to bong just one since it looked like a good time. haven't bonged a beer since Kent State, i think. Clifford and I found a pair of shoes when i decided to leave. one of the neighborhood kids' shoes i think. for a split second i thought out loud and suggested that he tie them together and... then i decided to stop myself. but he already knew what i was thinking so he did just that and threw them over the telephone wire. East 7th street is officially a ghetto, and i had a part in it. i feel somewhat guilty about it because some poor kid is going to find his shoes hanging 15 feet in the air. i didn't want him to do it, but he did.
i've been feeling like i've been wasting too many days doing nothing. all summer i've been wanting to take a ride along the bike trail or go on a hike and i have yet to do either. as much as i want to, i honestly don't see it happening. the band needs to start playing out. we're ready, and i miss all the unnecessary positive attention i used to get from being in a band. it was the closest thing i had to fame. and it felt good. it felt nice knowing that i earned it. i'm so ready.
this town has no talent, in almost every aspect of the word. or too much wasted talent, rather. this town has too much wasted time. this town has me completely trapped. the only scene around here is the bar scene and the music scene, and lately i've played next to no part in either.
i need to quit my job and start fresh. and i miss my father. this town belonged to him. there was no such thing as boredom when he was around because he knew how to manipulate time. he could twist and form anything into something more enjoyable, with little to no material resources. it's one of the few things i know how to do well. there's just nobody i know who's willing to carry out my ideas. where have all the fun-loving people gone?
i kinda like that i'm on probation. it doesn't completely keep me from drinking. and i could probably get away with some marijuana. and they don't even test for mushrooms. but having a clear mind has shown me how far people have come regarding their all around dependency on chemicals. there are other ways to enjoy life. that's all i want to do, mainly because it's my only choice for the next year or so. i'm not enjoying it right now though, and that's a kick in the balls. too much bullshit on my horizon. fines, payments, work, community service, job hunts, car issues, school... end it already. let me be myself again. please. i miss who i was when i didn't have to deal. i forget who i was. all i know is that he didn't realize how great life was back before all the responsibility. Kid Chameleon has bronzed that part of my life and immortalized it into the form of music. not even really great music, but beautiful to me for that reason only. it was completely invincible. all my new material is somewhat damaged by my very real life responsibilities. and although it's better, i'm not as happy with it. because at the end of the day, i'm still working around everybody's schedule but my own.
it's fucking beautiful. the meaning of life... it's a shame no one else gets it.
i've been feeling like i've been wasting too many days doing nothing. all summer i've been wanting to take a ride along the bike trail or go on a hike and i have yet to do either. as much as i want to, i honestly don't see it happening. the band needs to start playing out. we're ready, and i miss all the unnecessary positive attention i used to get from being in a band. it was the closest thing i had to fame. and it felt good. it felt nice knowing that i earned it. i'm so ready.
this town has no talent, in almost every aspect of the word. or too much wasted talent, rather. this town has too much wasted time. this town has me completely trapped. the only scene around here is the bar scene and the music scene, and lately i've played next to no part in either.
i need to quit my job and start fresh. and i miss my father. this town belonged to him. there was no such thing as boredom when he was around because he knew how to manipulate time. he could twist and form anything into something more enjoyable, with little to no material resources. it's one of the few things i know how to do well. there's just nobody i know who's willing to carry out my ideas. where have all the fun-loving people gone?
i kinda like that i'm on probation. it doesn't completely keep me from drinking. and i could probably get away with some marijuana. and they don't even test for mushrooms. but having a clear mind has shown me how far people have come regarding their all around dependency on chemicals. there are other ways to enjoy life. that's all i want to do, mainly because it's my only choice for the next year or so. i'm not enjoying it right now though, and that's a kick in the balls. too much bullshit on my horizon. fines, payments, work, community service, job hunts, car issues, school... end it already. let me be myself again. please. i miss who i was when i didn't have to deal. i forget who i was. all i know is that he didn't realize how great life was back before all the responsibility. Kid Chameleon has bronzed that part of my life and immortalized it into the form of music. not even really great music, but beautiful to me for that reason only. it was completely invincible. all my new material is somewhat damaged by my very real life responsibilities. and although it's better, i'm not as happy with it. because at the end of the day, i'm still working around everybody's schedule but my own.
it's fucking beautiful. the meaning of life... it's a shame no one else gets it.