Kathryn's Life: THE UPDATE!!!!
I have a job! A real job!!! An ADULT job that includes ADULT things such as: benefits, paid sick days, and retirement funds! OH and the best part is my salary is yearly not hourly! WOW! I am so excited. I am going to be a para-educator (para-professional or para-pro is what most people know them as) at a special education high school in Northville. As my cousin says, I am going to "take care of all of the kids who are screaming while the teacher is trying to teach." By the way, Wyzlic look at this ...do general ed teachers hate kids with learning disabilities? Just wondering, it's this vibe I'm getting from my two teacher cousins. When I told them that I applied for this job they both made this "Uhhewwww" sound and said "Good luck with that". Or maybe they were thinking about my small salary. Haha! Oh well it will be enough, and much more than I'm used to making. It's kind of strange that I'm in the education field because I've always thought "Oh man, I would NEVER want to be a teacher, it would be too hard". Of course, I'm only going to be a what amounts to a teacher's assistant; I won't have to make lesson plans or anything. At least I don't think I will; if I end up having to teach one or too lessons I'm sure I will be fine. I don't have to get my exact class placement yet, not sure when I will find that out.
Some bad news is that my Grandma died today. Now both of my Dad's parents are dead. I don't like that thought, obviously, because then that leads to "one day your parents will be dead too, you know that, right Kathryn?" which leads to "SHUT UP BRAIN!" My Grandma hadn't been able to walk for awhile but was happy at the nursing home pretty much (she was great at BINGO and puzzles) until about a month ago she had a heart attack and then a stroke. Then on Saturday she got worse than she's ever been, and since then she's gotten weaker and weaker until today. I'm doing ok, it's just tough when my Dad gets tears in his eyes.
Other bad news: I am enrolled in English Composition again. This is the third time. Why do you ask? Because I can't make myself do the papers! I can write, I just lost any will or ability to make myself do school work last semester. That's why I changed my degree, so I could go home and not have to make it through classes again. I only have TWO MORE classes to finish, but it's so hard. I have panic attacks and want to die because I have to write some shitty papers! It's seriously the most pathetic thing even and I feel like a big loser.
More bad news: I'm depressed again even though the majority of my life is great. I am so happy that I have Brian who listens to all the dumb things I say but doesn't get annoyed, he just hugs me. One source of my problem is that how I look to others is very important to me. For a little bit it was amazing, because I actually LIKED how I looked and didn't have to worry about what other people thought. Unfortunately, since then I've gained a ton of weight and I am now convinced that I am a disgusting slob and I don't like to go places because I'm afraid that people are looking at me and thinking about how gross I am. Whenever I see someone I haven't seen in awhile I am ashamed because I know that they are thinking "Boy...she let herself go." Also, all I want to do is sleep all the time. Even my job excitement isn't helping. The scary thing is I can tell that this is affecting my health...things that didn't used to tire me now tire me. I think things will get better when I am finally done with classes and am living in Ann Arbor with Brian. Until then, I guess it's time to find a therapist. ::groan::
It's probably safe to say that a lot of my self confidence is gone. The only things I am confident about are that Brian loves me, living with him will be sweet, and I will be awesome at my new job! :-D
Some bad news is that my Grandma died today. Now both of my Dad's parents are dead. I don't like that thought, obviously, because then that leads to "one day your parents will be dead too, you know that, right Kathryn?" which leads to "SHUT UP BRAIN!" My Grandma hadn't been able to walk for awhile but was happy at the nursing home pretty much (she was great at BINGO and puzzles) until about a month ago she had a heart attack and then a stroke. Then on Saturday she got worse than she's ever been, and since then she's gotten weaker and weaker until today. I'm doing ok, it's just tough when my Dad gets tears in his eyes.
Other bad news: I am enrolled in English Composition again. This is the third time. Why do you ask? Because I can't make myself do the papers! I can write, I just lost any will or ability to make myself do school work last semester. That's why I changed my degree, so I could go home and not have to make it through classes again. I only have TWO MORE classes to finish, but it's so hard. I have panic attacks and want to die because I have to write some shitty papers! It's seriously the most pathetic thing even and I feel like a big loser.
More bad news: I'm depressed again even though the majority of my life is great. I am so happy that I have Brian who listens to all the dumb things I say but doesn't get annoyed, he just hugs me. One source of my problem is that how I look to others is very important to me. For a little bit it was amazing, because I actually LIKED how I looked and didn't have to worry about what other people thought. Unfortunately, since then I've gained a ton of weight and I am now convinced that I am a disgusting slob and I don't like to go places because I'm afraid that people are looking at me and thinking about how gross I am. Whenever I see someone I haven't seen in awhile I am ashamed because I know that they are thinking "Boy...she let herself go." Also, all I want to do is sleep all the time. Even my job excitement isn't helping. The scary thing is I can tell that this is affecting my health...things that didn't used to tire me now tire me. I think things will get better when I am finally done with classes and am living in Ann Arbor with Brian. Until then, I guess it's time to find a therapist. ::groan::
It's probably safe to say that a lot of my self confidence is gone. The only things I am confident about are that Brian loves me, living with him will be sweet, and I will be awesome at my new job! :-D