LOL
joke #1:
The last time ur dad got some ass, is when his finger broke through the toilet paper.
joke #2:
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time, " said the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
joke #3:
A girl is about to jump off a cliff and commit suicide. A hiker comes about, and asks, "Hey, look, a jumper, mind giving me head before you die?"
The girl, seeing as her life sucks anyway, gives him head. Afterwards, he says to her, "That was great! So tell me why your gonna jump anyway."
The girl replies, "My parents disowned me because I dress like a woman."
joke #4:
A secretary is on a business meeting with her boss with the African King. The meeting was going fine, until he randomly asked her to marry him. Remembering what her boss had said about keeping the client happy, she could not say no right away. After thinking awhile, she says,
"I will only marry you in three conditions. The first one is you must give me a 75-carat engagment ring and a 35-carat tiara to match it."
After thinking a bit, the African King turns to her and says, "Okay, okay. I make, I make." She realizes that he is very rich and that she needs to think of something better. Finally, she says,
"I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York City so that when I come to visit I have a place to stay."
He looks at her, and after calling some architectures and brokers he says, "Okay, okay. I build, I build." She then feels nervous because she only has one condition left. Finally, she says,
"Since I like sex, I can only marry a man with a 14" penis."
After a bit, the man looked very sad. He had his head in his hands and shook his head, while repeating, "No, no, no."
Finally, he replied, and said, "Okay, okay. I cut, I cut."
joke #5:
Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, "Howard. You're a veterinarian."
joke #6:
A blonde decides to go to the drycleaner store because she has a stain on her shirt and she see's the owner of the drycleaner store and asks, " Excuse me sir can you take this stain off my shirt?" The owner didn't hear her the first time because there was a strange noise in the background. He then replied, "Come again?" She answered, "No it's just mustard this time."
The last time ur dad got some ass, is when his finger broke through the toilet paper.
joke #2:
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time, " said the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
joke #3:
A girl is about to jump off a cliff and commit suicide. A hiker comes about, and asks, "Hey, look, a jumper, mind giving me head before you die?"
The girl, seeing as her life sucks anyway, gives him head. Afterwards, he says to her, "That was great! So tell me why your gonna jump anyway."
The girl replies, "My parents disowned me because I dress like a woman."
joke #4:
A secretary is on a business meeting with her boss with the African King. The meeting was going fine, until he randomly asked her to marry him. Remembering what her boss had said about keeping the client happy, she could not say no right away. After thinking awhile, she says,
"I will only marry you in three conditions. The first one is you must give me a 75-carat engagment ring and a 35-carat tiara to match it."
After thinking a bit, the African King turns to her and says, "Okay, okay. I make, I make." She realizes that he is very rich and that she needs to think of something better. Finally, she says,
"I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York City so that when I come to visit I have a place to stay."
He looks at her, and after calling some architectures and brokers he says, "Okay, okay. I build, I build." She then feels nervous because she only has one condition left. Finally, she says,
"Since I like sex, I can only marry a man with a 14" penis."
After a bit, the man looked very sad. He had his head in his hands and shook his head, while repeating, "No, no, no."
Finally, he replied, and said, "Okay, okay. I cut, I cut."
joke #5:
Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, "Howard. You're a veterinarian."
joke #6:
A blonde decides to go to the drycleaner store because she has a stain on her shirt and she see's the owner of the drycleaner store and asks, " Excuse me sir can you take this stain off my shirt?" The owner didn't hear her the first time because there was a strange noise in the background. He then replied, "Come again?" She answered, "No it's just mustard this time."