choas.
It's so crazy how the game of he said she says can blow things so out of the water. For example: i hear some stupid stufffrom someone (NOT a direct sorce tho) so I did what any logical person did and i shut my mouth--all though making me so uncofortable and sad and whatever i just didnt want to the ruin of a potentially great thing;specially if god forbid the info wasnt true. I wrote about it on my last entry to try and ease my head and just VENT--only for it to have bin turned into world war three. I can't win. Im not out to prove my self to anyone exsept my self. People are always going to judge, and think they know whats going on when they dont. Exhibit A-I dont hate anyone. B-There is no rule in the book of life that says EVERYONE has to be on the same leval--friendship wise. I have two of thebestfriends in the whole world and they understand me for me as i do them. They dont pre judge. They dont assume its a carefree life style and we all understand each other--help each other out not fincially (well yeah that too) but emotionally. I feel so lucky to have the people i do in my life i care about each and everyone--but those select few that know whats really up. We have an amazing relationship and its forever. Shit's still really tense between me and a certain someone and it sucks. Theres so much that needs to be said--on my end nothing even that bad But I've bin hearing one bad thing (after the next) being said about me and behind my back. It hurts that he assumes. It hurts that he pre-judges me. It HURTS that he can't know the real me. But i see the relationships that were built with the people around him--and i dont think he even relizes how bad things are for him--friendship wize. And yeah a big part of that is the conter parties fault--but is it because they fear that no matter what there getting served a big pile of shit? Im not sure-seems that way tho. This person has bin really leanyent with me about alot of things-and its MUCH APPRECIATED. But theres apprently alot he doesnt like about me and never has--again never really feeding into this to much (being that it was 3rd party info) I continued to live my life just letting him have his opinion i guess--but now its come to a point where im just like WOW i didnt relize someone could assume (and be so wrong) about--everything pertainning to me. I've always bin on edge but its because i was scared of getting hurt--he hurt more people then i think he cares to relize. Its always bin a defense mechanisim for me i guess. I dont by any means want things to end badly or for him to assume the things-but people are gonna think what they want to and i dont want to get out of my way to prove them wrong--people who want to know the real me can...have..and will.
I wish things were easier--I've bin trying to stay out of his way. It's sucks because I belive (and was sorta told) that he thinks im trying to turn people againt him--fartherest thing from the truth-there is so many people who have there opinions (good and bad alike) and i never persuaded them to feel any certain way--people are in constant fear of him its the weirdest thing--not good. Did i get people to turn away from Joey? No classic case of right from wrong people made there own assumtions and did what they did with it--and it seems as though i got the last laugh. Im not persuasive in a negative way--people who really know me--know im quite the opposite. I dont know what to do anymore-Im not who you say i am so i feel like by ME approching the situation im wasting my breath. Its hard maybe he will come to me? Ride it out rite? These are the cards i was delt and as hard and as emotionally drainning all this is- i have great people trying to keep my feet on the ground--keep my centerd. In other news Im getting my car back in the next few weeks ($200 more dollars) and I'll be back on the streets again mwahaha. As for my living situation im not sure--was comfortable kindda tossing around the idea of staying till Billy Kala and my self could get a apt. on the beach but who knows whats happening now--*Live and learn rite?* My gramma is doing a shitload better--shes hands down the strongest women alive shes so great and the fact that she doesnt relize how great and what an important assest to the family she really is makes her even GREATER! Thanksgiving was beautiful its bin a long time since i had a family holiday like that--its funny because i was almost certain that my day had gotten ruined but billy and my family made up for it all ten fold it was really nice. AND tomarrow hopefully i will get my new cellular device and i will be back in business. OH yeah and i got some job at a cataloge place--and the referals business thing is just about to finish taking off--Money in the baaaaaank.
Evolve.
I wish things were easier--I've bin trying to stay out of his way. It's sucks because I belive (and was sorta told) that he thinks im trying to turn people againt him--fartherest thing from the truth-there is so many people who have there opinions (good and bad alike) and i never persuaded them to feel any certain way--people are in constant fear of him its the weirdest thing--not good. Did i get people to turn away from Joey? No classic case of right from wrong people made there own assumtions and did what they did with it--and it seems as though i got the last laugh. Im not persuasive in a negative way--people who really know me--know im quite the opposite. I dont know what to do anymore-Im not who you say i am so i feel like by ME approching the situation im wasting my breath. Its hard maybe he will come to me? Ride it out rite? These are the cards i was delt and as hard and as emotionally drainning all this is- i have great people trying to keep my feet on the ground--keep my centerd. In other news Im getting my car back in the next few weeks ($200 more dollars) and I'll be back on the streets again mwahaha. As for my living situation im not sure--was comfortable kindda tossing around the idea of staying till Billy Kala and my self could get a apt. on the beach but who knows whats happening now--*Live and learn rite?* My gramma is doing a shitload better--shes hands down the strongest women alive shes so great and the fact that she doesnt relize how great and what an important assest to the family she really is makes her even GREATER! Thanksgiving was beautiful its bin a long time since i had a family holiday like that--its funny because i was almost certain that my day had gotten ruined but billy and my family made up for it all ten fold it was really nice. AND tomarrow hopefully i will get my new cellular device and i will be back in business. OH yeah and i got some job at a cataloge place--and the referals business thing is just about to finish taking off--Money in the baaaaaank.
Evolve.