Me VS Myself.
The constant internal debate inside my head is becoming some what over whelming. Yes its true, this is something I've battled since as long as I can remember. But now that I'm older, things are changing, significant, life altering things are changing. I'm trying new things. Throwing out the old and trying to explore the new. I feel very stable in the decisions I have, and will make.( I just think other peoples opinions are starting to get to me.) I've even gotten to a point to where I question my own compassion towards people. I never thought I could stand on my own two feet, but I truly believe that's because other people negativity that had me in a realm-- a world of discomfort and I hate feeling lost and un-loved. But Fuck that, I've bin on my own since I was 16years old and I've taken care of more people then I can even count. Life is about believing, redefining, discovering, learning, remembering, building. All theses things I love, and appreciate. I hate that I let my self get to the point where I battle MYSELF. I am me, I know me. I know I'm not perfect, but I love "life" and everything it has to offer and I would like to get the most out of it as possible. The good the bad and the ugly. I want to live, love, grown, and learn and all for Me. I spent a Vass amount of my childhood life tied down to a very few someone's all very undeserving, and yet I still walk away from the situation with a smirk on my face. I'm not stupid, but I tend to overlook what I already see to try and find that good in someone. Yes, I got hurt in the end, I was made the fool of but you know what I walk away a better person. It was an experience, I can finally say I'm glad it came and went. All of theses emotions have bin racing threw my head for days now. I've had my up's and most defiantly had my downs. But I do see a difference. I am sensitive. But no matter what I didn't let life's little lessons get me down. I'm secure on my own two feet, and I can finally just look at some of the petty shit and just say "Fuck it". I'm starting to see inner-strength with in my self, something I've never had before. We shall see where this mentality get me. With that said, I THINK I have a crush on a boy. Yes its true I did find William Skye who is someone I would dream of being with, but for now he is away and I don't know when he's going to be back. I truly do believe in destiny and I feel like he came into my life for a reason. He open Pandora's box of emotions for me. It was hectic, sloppy, fast, and overwhelming not to mention beautiful, passionate, almost perfect. And my "god" so very needed. If Destiny feels as though our paths should cross again one day then so be it. Until then I'm a 21yr old single girl with scars for miles. You know, the entire experience of love, crushing and all it's components, is a game, and a very big rush of adrenaline. One of these day's I'll master it and maybe even Win. But right now I'm scared and trying very hard not to be.
I think it's more then okay to want that security in yourself and want to protect your most delicate and precious organ, but it's okay to experience life and all it's novelties too. I think the best advice I ever got, was ALWAYS follow your intuition. it will always take you to the places that you need to go to -- good or bad.
I think I'm to young to be worrying about the things that I do. I do however believe I am an "old" enough to know what I'm feeling. All though I don't believe this is my last life there is defiantly a lot o want to absorbed before I leave, just in case.=)
I want to have fun and let go of the past. He's a great guy with a lot to offer but best of all he's my friend and that's never going to change crush or not. What's the worst that can happen? I get heartbroken again?? I've done that once before and I lived thru and made it out smelling like a rose too. That being said...I'm looking at the situation a bit differently now. "what's the best that can happen?".
I'm going to take life slow, I don't want to miss a beat. Let go of my worries. Enjoy Life. Enjoy myself. Enjoy Each other.
I think once I free my mind the rest will fallow.
Peace. and Love.
I think it's more then okay to want that security in yourself and want to protect your most delicate and precious organ, but it's okay to experience life and all it's novelties too. I think the best advice I ever got, was ALWAYS follow your intuition. it will always take you to the places that you need to go to -- good or bad.
I think I'm to young to be worrying about the things that I do. I do however believe I am an "old" enough to know what I'm feeling. All though I don't believe this is my last life there is defiantly a lot o want to absorbed before I leave, just in case.=)
I want to have fun and let go of the past. He's a great guy with a lot to offer but best of all he's my friend and that's never going to change crush or not. What's the worst that can happen? I get heartbroken again?? I've done that once before and I lived thru and made it out smelling like a rose too. That being said...I'm looking at the situation a bit differently now. "what's the best that can happen?".
I'm going to take life slow, I don't want to miss a beat. Let go of my worries. Enjoy Life. Enjoy myself. Enjoy Each other.
I think once I free my mind the rest will fallow.
Peace. and Love.