Just to make you guys smile!!

Aug 15, 2006 14:38

Mrs. Fenton;

Our store is considering banning your family from shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has
done while his spouse/partner is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... then just stood and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack, and as people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!"
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