I too have heard the mermaid's singing...
I was a little apprehensive of Cookymonster's sister and her family moving into the neighbourhood (well not really directly into the neighbourhood but for all intents and purposes. Where before they were two and a half hours away they are now about ten minutes) I love them dearly and they have never made me feel anything except loved and welcome -a true part of their family. But change is scary for me and I just couldn't parse in my head how our lives would be different with them being that much closer. I knew that our lives would be different I just couldn't imagine how. And I feared for the worst.
Because that's what I do. Apparently I am a big ball of worry and anxiety.
But now I am insanely grateful for their presence in our lives. Cookymonster and her sister are very close and it is wonderful to see her have a new level of unconditional support.
Things are tough. The economy is tough which means business is tough. Screw that Joe the Plumber guy... how about some 700billion bailout love for Mike the Comic Store owner? We can't get the credit we need for the business. Bills keep coming in.
I cry a lot.
I miss the folks in Guelph. I don't know if you guys really are the way that my mind remembers you or if I have formed this idylic idealized version of life 'back then'. But in looking back my mind is telling me that I always felt supported. That through the worst times I always had a couch and a blanket. You have put me up in your houses. Fed me. Loved me and my flaws. I don't know if you would have dropped everything to help out but I *felt* like you would and that feeling gave me a lot of hope. Endurance.
It is a feeling that we are lacking right now and it is part of the reason that things seem so desperately rough and hopeless. For the most part it's just cookymonster and I. And as much as we love eachother and cleave to eachother sometimes we know that it isn't enough. Because we're both in the same boat. And we can see the water coming in.
Sometimes our friends here make me feel disposable and I don't want to push or press issues with them because then I worry (and remember worrying is what I do best)that the whole support network here will crumble and be revealed as a convenient sham.
Is it sad that we now expect plans to be cancelled on? That we have no real expectation for followthrough because we just assume something (or someone) more important then us will come up?
"We miss you guys. We need to get together more" earns a smile and nod.
Which is why I am so grateful for Cookymonster's sister and her family. Another pair of hands bailing is incredible. Even just having someone there who can offer words of encouragement and comfort. I feel stupid for having worried about their move.
So thats one thing I can cross off my 'to worry about till I get an ulcer and lose my hair' list.
Stupid list.
Because that's what I do. Apparently I am a big ball of worry and anxiety.
But now I am insanely grateful for their presence in our lives. Cookymonster and her sister are very close and it is wonderful to see her have a new level of unconditional support.
Things are tough. The economy is tough which means business is tough. Screw that Joe the Plumber guy... how about some 700billion bailout love for Mike the Comic Store owner? We can't get the credit we need for the business. Bills keep coming in.
I cry a lot.
I miss the folks in Guelph. I don't know if you guys really are the way that my mind remembers you or if I have formed this idylic idealized version of life 'back then'. But in looking back my mind is telling me that I always felt supported. That through the worst times I always had a couch and a blanket. You have put me up in your houses. Fed me. Loved me and my flaws. I don't know if you would have dropped everything to help out but I *felt* like you would and that feeling gave me a lot of hope. Endurance.
It is a feeling that we are lacking right now and it is part of the reason that things seem so desperately rough and hopeless. For the most part it's just cookymonster and I. And as much as we love eachother and cleave to eachother sometimes we know that it isn't enough. Because we're both in the same boat. And we can see the water coming in.
Sometimes our friends here make me feel disposable and I don't want to push or press issues with them because then I worry (and remember worrying is what I do best)that the whole support network here will crumble and be revealed as a convenient sham.
Is it sad that we now expect plans to be cancelled on? That we have no real expectation for followthrough because we just assume something (or someone) more important then us will come up?
"We miss you guys. We need to get together more" earns a smile and nod.
Which is why I am so grateful for Cookymonster's sister and her family. Another pair of hands bailing is incredible. Even just having someone there who can offer words of encouragement and comfort. I feel stupid for having worried about their move.
So thats one thing I can cross off my 'to worry about till I get an ulcer and lose my hair' list.
Stupid list.