Last night... was not a good night...
ok, so... i had a moderately ok day at work, but I had to work with my boos the entire day. Translation: I had to act like I gave a shit about the little things at work, when, as you all already know, I mentally left the game a long time ago. It was very... emotionally high stress, let's say?
I understand that I'm really overly sensitive about things, I know that already...
Basically, I was pretending to be something I wasn't (ie, enjoying my job, good at my job, all that fun stuff) for the entire day. At the end of the day, I had to drive into London (an hour away from where I was), for a birthday dinner party for my sister-in-law at The Keg. Those present, my parents, my brother and, of course, my sister in law. The traffic was not the greatest I'd seen it. On my way there, I was busy contemplating the fact that my stepmother bought a gift for me to give her, I could not afford to pay even for my own meal, and that I know there's still a huge chance that I can't even be considered for the job I applied for. I hate feeling so dependant, but so alone all at once.
Once I arrived, I see that they've seated us at a six person table and guess who's the odd man out? That's right, my friends, your socially awkward kidAmy. I also ended up feeling really, like, second class citizen because I'm single. Whether they're my family or not, I was still out with two couples. That, coupled with the small amount of panic I felt when I realized that I had no idea how to order a steak. I asked around, but no one was really clear about what they were going to order either. The waiter was very nice, I'm certain he would have helped me, but I didn't want to ask. In the end, I literally ended up saying "I'll have what she's having." So, um, because of all these little things, but mostly the end of the first paragraph (since the lj cut) stuff, I started crying at the table. Yeah, it was awesome. And then everyone's all like "what's wrong?", which only drew more attention to me, particularly because my stepmother has a loud voice. My sis-in-law and I excused ourselves from the table and went to the bathroom for a few minutes, where I let out some of my frustrations (as well as apologized profusely for "ruining your birthday dinner"). After that, I cleaned myself up a bit and was fine (well, I didn't cry, anyways) for the rest of the night.
I just really want out of my job and I really want this Health Records position. Problem is, if anyone else applies that already works in the hospital, I can't even be considered. I'm just so... tired.
I understand that I'm really overly sensitive about things, I know that already...
Basically, I was pretending to be something I wasn't (ie, enjoying my job, good at my job, all that fun stuff) for the entire day. At the end of the day, I had to drive into London (an hour away from where I was), for a birthday dinner party for my sister-in-law at The Keg. Those present, my parents, my brother and, of course, my sister in law. The traffic was not the greatest I'd seen it. On my way there, I was busy contemplating the fact that my stepmother bought a gift for me to give her, I could not afford to pay even for my own meal, and that I know there's still a huge chance that I can't even be considered for the job I applied for. I hate feeling so dependant, but so alone all at once.
Once I arrived, I see that they've seated us at a six person table and guess who's the odd man out? That's right, my friends, your socially awkward kidAmy. I also ended up feeling really, like, second class citizen because I'm single. Whether they're my family or not, I was still out with two couples. That, coupled with the small amount of panic I felt when I realized that I had no idea how to order a steak. I asked around, but no one was really clear about what they were going to order either. The waiter was very nice, I'm certain he would have helped me, but I didn't want to ask. In the end, I literally ended up saying "I'll have what she's having." So, um, because of all these little things, but mostly the end of the first paragraph (since the lj cut) stuff, I started crying at the table. Yeah, it was awesome. And then everyone's all like "what's wrong?", which only drew more attention to me, particularly because my stepmother has a loud voice. My sis-in-law and I excused ourselves from the table and went to the bathroom for a few minutes, where I let out some of my frustrations (as well as apologized profusely for "ruining your birthday dinner"). After that, I cleaned myself up a bit and was fine (well, I didn't cry, anyways) for the rest of the night.
I just really want out of my job and I really want this Health Records position. Problem is, if anyone else applies that already works in the hospital, I can't even be considered. I'm just so... tired.