OMG!
We just had a shoplifter in here who complained that we had nothing she wanted to nick!!! Hilarious! She came in very drunk, and a woman from a gift shop down the street came in behind her and told her to give back the things she had nicked from there. I went and stood over her while she looked at things, she gave me a dirty look and said - 'You don't need to worry love, there's nothing here I'd wanna nick anyway' then walked out!