my life defined
it's been a while since i've updated the ol' journal. i thought, my journal probably needs to be updated. then i thought, my life probably needs to be updated. i felt like a piece of shit all day long today. maybe it's this ever-changing weather we're having here in tennessee. or maybe it's all those beers i drank last night. my work decided to do a little marketing by taking out the service writers at an auto dealership to a happy hour at broadway brewhouse. i'm getting tired of being the youngest one everywhere i go. they had warned us not to order any liquor, but i stopped caring after a couple of drinks and ordered shots of jack for everyone willing at the table. i somehow made it home safe. i woke up with only a mild hangover for the first part of the day. my area manager (my boss's boss) came up to me today and asked if i would do my impression of him which he'd heard so much about (you would have to know the guy- he's just asking to be the butt of people's jokes. and my impression of him is spot on). i thought to myself, "fuck." but i did it anyway, only at about 80% though. he didn't really crack much of a smile though, and said, "well here's my impression of me-'hey caleb, you're fired.'" i wasn't sure whether or not he was joking at first, so i just made an uncomfortable laughing sound. i should've called in sick today.
i'm still liking my job ok, but i'm so ready to get away from customer service. i feel like my work is so meaningless sometimes. i do a damn good job at it though- i'm selling vehicle coverage to 75% of my customers as of today. but i don't care about my work. i just wish it was something that i could be proud of. i would rather be trying to fix problems that mattered like housing the homeless instead of worrying about which car is big enough to house mrs. johnson's fat ass for a few days. oh, here's a good story-
so the other day a customer called and asked to be picked up to come and rent a car. i said sure, took down the address, and headed on my way. when i get there, i realize that this was an assisted living home, and there was some really old guy standing outside apparently waiting on a ride. so i asked if he was mr. green, he said yes, and got into the car. the old guy immediately asks me for a cigarette. i tell him i don't smoke cigarettes and he said, "well, why the hell not?" before i made it out of his parking lot, he asked if i wanted to know why this world was going to shit. at this point, i could already tell this old man was going to be a handful. he told me he'd wrecked his last car into the awning at the old folks home after having 5 martinis. then he started bitching about his insurance not helping him out enough and his body shop overcharging him, both arguments that i never get tired of hearing from every person i pick up. then as he's talking, i suddenly notice this foul odor being whipped up in the seat next to me where he's sitting. at first i wrote it off as nothing more than old man stench. but then, i realized it was something more. it wasn't just old dirty gums that hadn't been brushed in months. and it wasn't just the coat of dead skin shrouding this old man that i was smelling. there was one scent that was trumping both of the earlier mentioned scents. like an old dirty vagina.. it smelled like the great depression. i had to crack my window because this man's rotten smell was burning my nose hairs. he asked if i would do him a big favor by running him by his body shop so he could ask a question. i agreed being the pushover smiley-faced corporate slut that i am nowadays. when i pulled over and let him out, i noticed a big wet spot on the back of his pants as he was walking away. this caused me to look down at the seat he'd been in where there was an even bigger wet spot covering the seat. at this point, i thought- "holy shit, did i just pick up an escapee from the old folks home?" i didn't know what to do next. how do you handle those sort of situations? so once we got back to enterprise, my manager pulled mr. green aside for a moment to let him know what had happened, because it was apparently news to him too. "oh, that's just a tiny spot- what do you mean you want to charge me to have it cleaned?!" it was at this point that i decided to take my lunch break. after all, it was already 230 pm.
crazy shit happens all the time there. i'm just tired of having to deal with angry customers. i'm constantly being talked down to by angry people who somehow think that i'm responsible for all of their problems. but i'm just biding my time. i've already talked to my managers and made sure that i'll be able to relocate to portland in march at the earliest. i can't wait. once i'm there, i hope i'll be able to find a good non-profit job and don't have to rent cars anymore. maybe i'll even make a friend or two while i'm there. i've had a lot of trouble with that since moving to nashville. i just haven't met any new friends yet, only workfriends. and the only reason i'm getting so close with the people from work is just because i see them about 60 hours every week. my mom keeps asking if i've found a woman yet. i think i've recently decided to become asexual. i just have no desire to be with any girl anymore. at this point, i couldn't even make myself want a relationship with someone. i guess you could say that years of random hookups, bad relationships, and stupid decisions have left me with no heart and a keyed-up truck. i have no vacancies left for anyone else's problems, and i can barely house all of my own. lately i've felt that i never really say anything that's on my mind anymore. i don't even really know what makes me happy anymore- i just kind of go along with whatever and hope that it makes me smile if only for a little while. i'm not upset, lonely, sad, or depressed. i don't know what i need, but i know it's nothing that i have yet. i do miss my friends though. i feel like i never get a chance to talk to anyone like i used to. i used to talk to my friends about how things made me feel and what was going on with our lives. now i feel like the only reason i talk to people is because i'm stuck in a traffic jam and have to talk to a customer in order to avoid an awkward silence in a car with a complete stranger. i only talk to pass time now, not information. and when i do talk to people, i never get to venture out past the pg-13 discussions. i miss having unfiltered discussions with my old friends about different adventures we'd had.
i really need to get away from here and fast.
i'm still liking my job ok, but i'm so ready to get away from customer service. i feel like my work is so meaningless sometimes. i do a damn good job at it though- i'm selling vehicle coverage to 75% of my customers as of today. but i don't care about my work. i just wish it was something that i could be proud of. i would rather be trying to fix problems that mattered like housing the homeless instead of worrying about which car is big enough to house mrs. johnson's fat ass for a few days. oh, here's a good story-
so the other day a customer called and asked to be picked up to come and rent a car. i said sure, took down the address, and headed on my way. when i get there, i realize that this was an assisted living home, and there was some really old guy standing outside apparently waiting on a ride. so i asked if he was mr. green, he said yes, and got into the car. the old guy immediately asks me for a cigarette. i tell him i don't smoke cigarettes and he said, "well, why the hell not?" before i made it out of his parking lot, he asked if i wanted to know why this world was going to shit. at this point, i could already tell this old man was going to be a handful. he told me he'd wrecked his last car into the awning at the old folks home after having 5 martinis. then he started bitching about his insurance not helping him out enough and his body shop overcharging him, both arguments that i never get tired of hearing from every person i pick up. then as he's talking, i suddenly notice this foul odor being whipped up in the seat next to me where he's sitting. at first i wrote it off as nothing more than old man stench. but then, i realized it was something more. it wasn't just old dirty gums that hadn't been brushed in months. and it wasn't just the coat of dead skin shrouding this old man that i was smelling. there was one scent that was trumping both of the earlier mentioned scents. like an old dirty vagina.. it smelled like the great depression. i had to crack my window because this man's rotten smell was burning my nose hairs. he asked if i would do him a big favor by running him by his body shop so he could ask a question. i agreed being the pushover smiley-faced corporate slut that i am nowadays. when i pulled over and let him out, i noticed a big wet spot on the back of his pants as he was walking away. this caused me to look down at the seat he'd been in where there was an even bigger wet spot covering the seat. at this point, i thought- "holy shit, did i just pick up an escapee from the old folks home?" i didn't know what to do next. how do you handle those sort of situations? so once we got back to enterprise, my manager pulled mr. green aside for a moment to let him know what had happened, because it was apparently news to him too. "oh, that's just a tiny spot- what do you mean you want to charge me to have it cleaned?!" it was at this point that i decided to take my lunch break. after all, it was already 230 pm.
crazy shit happens all the time there. i'm just tired of having to deal with angry customers. i'm constantly being talked down to by angry people who somehow think that i'm responsible for all of their problems. but i'm just biding my time. i've already talked to my managers and made sure that i'll be able to relocate to portland in march at the earliest. i can't wait. once i'm there, i hope i'll be able to find a good non-profit job and don't have to rent cars anymore. maybe i'll even make a friend or two while i'm there. i've had a lot of trouble with that since moving to nashville. i just haven't met any new friends yet, only workfriends. and the only reason i'm getting so close with the people from work is just because i see them about 60 hours every week. my mom keeps asking if i've found a woman yet. i think i've recently decided to become asexual. i just have no desire to be with any girl anymore. at this point, i couldn't even make myself want a relationship with someone. i guess you could say that years of random hookups, bad relationships, and stupid decisions have left me with no heart and a keyed-up truck. i have no vacancies left for anyone else's problems, and i can barely house all of my own. lately i've felt that i never really say anything that's on my mind anymore. i don't even really know what makes me happy anymore- i just kind of go along with whatever and hope that it makes me smile if only for a little while. i'm not upset, lonely, sad, or depressed. i don't know what i need, but i know it's nothing that i have yet. i do miss my friends though. i feel like i never get a chance to talk to anyone like i used to. i used to talk to my friends about how things made me feel and what was going on with our lives. now i feel like the only reason i talk to people is because i'm stuck in a traffic jam and have to talk to a customer in order to avoid an awkward silence in a car with a complete stranger. i only talk to pass time now, not information. and when i do talk to people, i never get to venture out past the pg-13 discussions. i miss having unfiltered discussions with my old friends about different adventures we'd had.
i really need to get away from here and fast.